Cubicles (2,3) (790 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (View user info) at 2004-11-30 00:40:18 EST
There is a connection, but only a loose one, between this and the other piece in my little collection. It is not required reading to make sense of the writing below.
If you do want to read it, go here:
Cubicles (1,1) - http://www.ubersite.com/m/52685
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Name:
'Alysha Dennison'
Contact Details:
Alysha typed her information mechanically into the form. She shuddered to think how many times she had repeated this process over the last two weeks.
Career Goals:
'To get the hell out of this dungeon before I drown in the all-encompassing tidal wave of stupidity and incompetence.'
She smiled briefly at her answer, then held down the 'backspace' key with a sigh, removing the entry so the space could be filled with something more appropriate; lofty sentiments of 'contributing to a positive work environment' and 'realizing personal potential'. At last, her burgeoning lexicon of meaningless corporate propaganda catch phrases was coming in handy.
There was probably a rule buried in a company-issue handbook prohibiting employees from filling out job applications on company time with company materials, but that hardly bothered her. There was probably also a company-regulation method for wiping your ass - which no doubt required you to log the amount of toilet paper and water used in the process. The worrying part was that while she ignored them with impunity, someone else probably did care about, and adhered to these rules.
That was just another of the straws mercilessly breaking the camel's back. She'd had enough. The company would painstakingly monitor the amount of paper being used, and wasted, with the attention that a hospital gives its Intensive Care Unit - ever striving for the rapture of ISO: 9001 accreditation - while a worrying dive in profits would be brushed off as a 'market correction' rather than an 'obvious management screw-up'. Her grandmother would call this approach 'Penny wise and pound foolish.' Alysha preferred the term 'Retarded'. To each their own.
"We're going to have to tighten our belts, folks." The Supervisor said, at the weekly meeting two Mondays prior. He left out the part of the announcement that said:
"Of course, by 'We', I mean 'You'. All staff, (excluding management), will have their end-of-year bonus cut in half. Management, naturally, will not incur any penalty; in fact, I think I am getting a raise. I'll be in my corner office - briefly, before I take the rest of the day off to play golf and arrange to bang my golf-buddy's girlfriend while he is out of town next weekend, if any of you want to discuss this issue."
From that morning since, she had spent a large part of every day searching for and filling out job applications, and the rest her time completing meaningless work and dreaming of how to phrase her letter of resignation. She had accrued enough leave time to take a few days off for interviews and saved some money and bought a new suit. She was determined to escape from her cubicle prison - just in time to collect her slimmed-down end of year bonus, flip off the man in the corner office and walk out the door.
Why waste time discussing issues with the Supervisor? It never makes a lick of difference. Any attempt to complain about or criticize any management policy would be met with a defensive barrage of company-line bullshit - phrases like 'deliver the best possible results for the shareholders', 'working towards a brighter future' and the loathsome 'there is no "I" in team'. It was much easier to simply up and leave. She had seen the results of prolonged exposure to the corporate culture - either you submit to it, and become a willing acolyte to the management deities, or you go stark, raving bonkers - like the guy who suggested that the office switch to using small round sheets of paper, instead of the larger, rectangular ones to reduce waste.
She shuddered at the very thought, pushing it from her mind as she proofread the web-form in front of her. With a satisfying click, she pushed the 'Send Application Form' button, and yet another copy of her resume set off on its journey through cyberspace. She closed the window and gazed longingly at her screen. Technically, she wasn't allowed anything other than regulation Microsoft Windows-wallpaper blue as a screen background, but that was just another one of a long list of pointless rules that she ignored on a daily basis.
One word on the image stood out over everything else. It was all that mattered, all that she cared about anymore.
"Freedom."
User Reviews
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-01 00:31:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-11-30 07:42:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this one as much as the last. More, please?
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OK, having just added the latest chunk of my other little series, I can get to writing the next one of these. Soon.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:26:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:18:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-30 10:40:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like my cubicle and despise freedom in all its forms.
I just have to keep telling myself that...
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With an attitude like that, what are you doing working in an office? The Bush administration could use people like you! (Thankyou, thankyou, I'm here all week - try the swordfish)
Seriously though, is it just me or does the phrase "Bush Administrator" sound like a coded version of "Pimp".
'Yo, I adminstrate the MAD bush, dawg! Fo shizzle, my hoes be all abouts the qualitay!'
OK.. I'll be quiet and do my work now...
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-11-30 12:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Critical_Mass (user info) at 2004-11-30 11:46:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-11-30 10:40:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like my cubicle and despise freedom in all its forms.
I just have to keep telling myself that...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-11-30 10:31:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fine people in cubicles funny, mainly because I see them filter past me every day, while I sit at my granite and oak desk, acting like I'm watching cameras, when I'm actually watching something like ESPN News...
Submitted by Luckylacquer (user info) at 2004-11-30 10:16:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Such is all our meaningless lives... though I hear there's gonna actually be FOOD at our Christmas party this year.
http://www.bullshitjob.com/officespace/
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I don't laugh at this, I will cry.
I hate my cube.
<insert dramatic sigh here>
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-11-30 08:09:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Submitted by Rainer (user info) at 2004-11-30 07:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-11-30 07:42:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this one as much as the last. More, please?
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-11-30 07:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, consider me flattered. I'd offer you guys +2s for the sentiment, but I find that I am usually +2ing your posts on merit anyway, so there is hardly any point...
Thanks kindly, all the same.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-11-30 01:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Talent is what you have.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-11-30 01:24:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your work Impassive-Digressive.