Birthday Drinking Is The Bestest (723 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainAmik (View user info) at 2004-11-30 08:25:31 EST
So awhile ago I turned 22, nothing special, no landmark birthday, just another year closer to death and a reason to get stumbling drunk and make an ass of myself.
The day started fine, some phone calls from the family and what not, I decided that class was not going to happen this day, fore I had plans that involved a binge to end all binges.
Noon rolled around so it was off to the club on campus that had cheap pitchers of beer with a few of the friends that also decided that school could be put off when alcohol is involved. A few pitchers and countless games of pool later it was time to take a break for lunch, off to the meal hall. Shitty food and no booze, this quickly ended with a trip to the liquor store. Picked up a case of beer and a bottle of rum and it was back to the apartment once again to show alcohol who was the boss.
(Fast Forward until the sun goes down)
Time to go downtown, two separate groups of friends and only one of me, so I made the choice to see if I could do both, went to one club downtown and started in on the shots. Soon the people I was with decided it was time to dance, and with that, I bid them adieu, my other friends were not dancers and that was the lesser of two evils.
Bar number two was a little more laid back, until I ran into the friends, then imagine the most disgusting shots you have ever done, this is what I was fed. Now, the night has taken a turn for the worse...Karaoke...I am not the best singer in the world sober, but let me tell you after copious amounts of alcohol that really doesn't matter, so I said I will sing anything kind of good, I noticed American Hi-Fi Flavor of the Week and said "Hey I know that song, sign me up for that". One of my friends walked up talked to the guy and I thought everything was going good...until...
"WE HAVE A BIRTHDAY BOY, GET UP HERE NICK!"
I don't like crowds, but all eyes went to the stage, I walked up kind of looking down, the way a 5 year old does when introduced to new people. I took a quick look at the screen, Bon Jovi, Shot through the Heart. I was not pleased, took the mic looked at my friends and all I could muster was a "I fucking hate you guys" Then the song kicked in, I did my best, the karaoke guy even helped me out cause he knew I was drunk and was pretty sure I had no recollection of any of the words. Nevertheless, I did my best, hell I was a fucking rockstar. The song ends I get what I thought was a lot of applause, I could have been wrong. Return to my table to a line up of shots and drink what I think was ultimately my downfall.
Outside, a day of drinking has finally caught up with me, I am offered rides home but respectfully decline because I know that eventually I am discharging all the alcohol with great force, that time came much sooner than expected. An alley was my choice of places for the job, ten...maybe twenty minutes later I was done expelling all the booze and was off in the right direction, well kind of, I had a 8 meter weave in my steps.
A walk that usually was about twenty minutes seemed to last forever, I never made it home, I passed out on the steps of a house, and an angry man woke me at around five in the am, threatening to call the police.
"Sir, I'm sorry, I thought these were my steps I am just setting up shop."
Not a clue what I had said the man yells once again and I am off, still have a swagger to my step, I walk up to the house a few doors down and walk in, I had to use the bathroom something fierce, I drop my pants and grab a magazine, not five minutes later there is a knock on the door. A loud angry knock, a "who the fuck is in there" kind of knock. I finish my business and open the door, met with the eyes of a half awake, angry looking dude.
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?"
"Sorry man, I thought this was my buddies place, I'll be off, I'm really sorry"
I don't think I flushed and I walked back to the street, walk a few more houses down and took a much more comfortable seat on someone's porch, a woman, not too bad looking comes out and gives me the evil eye, however this turns into a your fucked kind of look and then to pity. She offers me a ride home saying that she knows that the police are coming, so I say well sure and get in her van. She's a woman, what's she gonna do? take advantage of me? Come on it's my birthday that wouldn't be all that bad. She gives me a jug to puke in just incase the need arises, a quick ride to my place, maybe 4 minutes, I get out say thank you, good bye, thanks again, it took me ten minutes at least to get the lock on my apartment open, but I managed to fall into my bed in one peace.
Oh, I can't wait for next year.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-20 19:58:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by keebler (user info) at 2004-12-20 19:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Gay like the writter is..........
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-12-08 13:37:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My 21st was Monday, as everyone now knows.
+2 for drinking into oblivion.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-11-30 11:58:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For using "bestest" like you're Opie fucking Taylor.
Submitted by Critical_Mass (user info) at 2004-11-30 11:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sliver (user info) at 2004-11-30 11:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Liar...This is what you wanted your birthday to turn out
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:58:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny story... Very "Then... Then... Then..." though, but not worth a -1. Good job!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:57:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
binge
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My friend once knocked on a random person's house that had a pool, pretended to be friends with the woman's son, and fucking swam in their pool. She then tried to give us his number at whatever university dorm he was staying at. We ran away.
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:24:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
"Sir, I'm sorry, I thought these were my steps I am just setting up shop."
AAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'll have to remember that one!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're hot from the back.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-30 09:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You took a shit in some random's toilet?
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-11-30 08:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a successful night out.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-11-30 08:52:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me smile...Good timesmy friend.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-11-30 08:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
2 years = 21st
come'on!
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-30 08:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' A!
Binge drinking always gets +2s!