Two Elusive Suspects (761 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by j t <jcricket1120.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-11-30 16:06:33 EST
Within the police department, we play jokes on each other when things are ridiculously slow.
With the nationwide turkey-coma that hit people this past weekend, there simply wasn't shit to do.
To help alleviate the monotony, I decided that we should play a joke on one of the rookies and everyone else in the department was definitely in.
For our accomplices, all we needed were two bums.
It's amazing what people will do when they think that they're helping the po-lice out.
Also, if they didn't comply, we threatened to knock them out and sprinkle some crack on them.
For the plan, we needed the bums to loiter outside of the local porn shop, Daddy's Porn and Meats, at 3am during the shift of one hard-ass, rookie named Frank.
(Most businesses in the red-necked, southern U.S. seem to be two things located in the same building, for instance, this particular porn shop is in the same building as the butcher shop, hence "Daddy's Porn and Meats". As another example, the local brothel is also located w/ the elementary school which also serves as a voting location. They call that last one the "Either Way, You're Fucked")
The two bums were supposed to hang around until the sucker is doing his rounds.
When Frank, starts to question the bums, that's when the bums feed Frank the information that we have conveniently supplied for them.
So 3am hits and Frank is right on time.
Frank talks to the bums and asks them what they're doing outside of Daddy's at 3am.
He gets information from them and calls out over dispatch:
Frank: *bleep* Dispatch, run 66 check on two males *click*
Dispatch: go ahead with the socials.
Frank: *bleep* First one is xxx-xx-xxxxx .... second one is xxx-xx-xxxx*click*
Dispatch: there's no record by those socials. go ahead and give us the names.
Frank: *bleep* Okay, first name is going to be.... Clint Tores. *click*
Dispatch: 10-4 go ahead with the second one.
Frank: *bleep* Second one is going to be... I might be pronouncing this one wrong... but the second one, the first name is Camille....Toe. So the name is Camille Toe...Camile T-u-uh? Fuuu- *click*
The next day, dispatch brings a copy of the tape to the mandatory briefing that everyone goes to in the morning.
Frank and I walk into the briefing room and, clear as day, you can hear the recording of Frank say over the loudspeaker, "Camille...T-u-uh? Fuuu- *click*"
From now on, we need to make sure that we do a search at Daddy's Porn and Meats for Clint Tores and Camille Toe, it's rumored that they hang out together and they're dangerous.
But seeing as to how all of the officers are men in the South, we'll probably never find them...
User Reviews
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-11-30 20:09:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, not bad at all...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves more attention.
-Davros
Submitted by rubixxcube (user info) at 2004-11-30 17:05:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My friend calls me at work and always asks for Holden Micock
Submitted by Not_Fade_Away (user info) at 2004-11-30 16:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always call work and tell the receptionist that my name is Peter Feltersnatch. Yes, she pages it to the whole place.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-11-30 16:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why don't you just pull over everyone for DUIs? That's what they do for fun in my town.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-11-30 16:12:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Camille Toe. Ha!
Wait... you're a cop? Please ignore half of my posts. Thank you.