Discount porn (1099 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.33 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ben nelson <benjamindover.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2004-11-30 19:31:49 EST
I was in evanston wyoming the other day, shopping for some decent porn, I live in utah and there is this bullshit "no penetration" soft-core shit. When your as big a whore as I am the usual stimulation doesn't work. I need to see a good lesbian flick with one girl wearing a strap on doing another girl while getting fisted, to even get a rise out of my lazy brow beaten penis.
Being the cheap ass that I am, I was shopping on the discount rack($59.95 for a fucking DVD? no fucking way). Big mistake, my penis may never recover. There were flicks with 2 toothed chicks that probably got paid in crack. There were 50 year old "porn stars" where you could see the fresh c-section scar from when they popped out their last baby a month prior, her uterus probably hadn't even shrunk to normal size yet. There was even a burn victim, the DVD case read something like "see this woman, with 70º of her body covered in scar tissue, take a hot load in her mouth" and "my scar tissue makes my pussy tighter". Anyway in a rush to get away from the giant mulatto dildos and vibrating buttplugs, I grabbed the least emotionally scarring looking DVD. The title was "internally yours II"(how did I miss internally yours I?). At the checkout, they creepy guy looked at what I was buying looked at me and gave a small chuckle, I figured he had seen it. Then the fucker slyly winked at me. What the fuck? This guy didn't look gay, but maybe he was hitting on me. Or maybe he wanted to take me home and tie me up in his basement and anally rape me in front of his mother. Never can tell.
I get home, and like a kid on Christmas (a perverted kid that knows he is getting porn), I tear into the case and pop it in my player. In full Dolby 5.1 surround sound and 26 inches of glorious Sony color, it starts. There is an semi normal looking chick sitting on what looks to be an exam table in a dr's office. The doc and a nurse come into the room, and what's this? He has what looks like some sort of endoscope or orthoscope, mounted to a mining helmet with a light. Uh oh, what have I gotten myself into. The following 90 minutes were horrifying. They put the scope up this girls vagina, I could see her fucking uterus and ovaries, I could see the fucking yeast infection she thought she cleared up a few weeks prior. They put it up her ass, I think I saw most of the contents of her previous weeks lunch (I'll spare you the details regarding corn and peanuts). All of which in 26 inches of color (colors no one should ever have to see). When it ended, I sat quivering in the fetal position on my couch. I believe my penis actually went up inside my body and pulled the balls in with it. I may never get an erection again. I think I could pass the state licensing exam to be a proctologist or gynocologist.
So kids, fair warning, beware the discount porn rack. Fork out the extra $30 and get the good stuff. There is NO compromising when it comes to porn.
User Reviews
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-04-07 17:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:08:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-12-01 12:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2004-12-01 10:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Scarlett13 (user info) at 2004-12-01 10:36:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-01 10:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
With Martha Stewart in jail, I'll take any shopping tips from wherever I can get them.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-01 10:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for porn.
Submitted by digsy (user info) at 2004-12-01 09:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe
Submitted by cleanfornow (user info) at 2004-12-01 08:11:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Even bad porn is good. Haha
Submitted by Revolutionman (user info) at 2004-12-01 01:52:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry, im a little confused, people still pay for porn?
Submitted by goleafsgo (user info) at 2004-11-30 20:40:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, haven't laughed that hard all day. bravo, you truly are a king among discount rack men.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-11-30 20:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Look on the bright side, at least it wasn't a prostate check...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Strangely, this makes me want to view some obscure porn.
Must go to the Attic and retrieve something.
-Davros
Submitted by MyPasswordIsMustard (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ah, another victim of poor pornography. Happens to so many, but few actually admit it. Props to you, brother.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:37:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Now I'm all hungry...