Friday Night (1475 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.85 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Isaac Bickerstaff (View user info) at 2004-12-01 00:33:54 EST
Friday, man. It's all about Friday.
See, I've never gone home before. Nobody goes home. Going is for away, like out. I retreat home, I surrender home, down into my den, walking backwards, kid, looking outward like I can catch a glimpse of whatever cowed me. But this time I'm racing home, and the air feels so good blasting on max and you can't get a clear station in these fucking mountains but the static is better than the ringing in my ears. I rocket past a sign that says "REDUCE SPEED AHEAD" so I slow down to about ninety and think, "There, at least I can do something right."
See, Einstein had it all wrong. Time moves faster the quicker you go and I can prove it cuz I had all this time to get my shit done tonight and now the night is over man and I feel anything but finished. So I keep pushing the pedal down and turning up the Mariachi static and watching the time move out ahead of me like a sprinter in the final lap that I can't catch cuz the stitch in my side is kicking my ass.
Sliding off the velvet and slamming the car door behind me I got linen on my mind as I treadmill up the driveway and through the iron gate.
So what the fuck is a possum, anyway, man? Like a rat with a purpose or some shit but there he is and I know he's a possum cuz of the nature TV my dad watches and this thing has got a furry little body like someone took a Gund and stapled on an aardvark head and serpent tail and what the fuck is he doing in my driveway? But then I see that this guy is in a bad way cuz he's spazing around on his back in that convulsive dance that says I really shouldn't have eaten those frozen fish sticks from last Fourth of July and now I'm starting to believe in God because I think I see the Crafty Motherfucker waiting for me. But let's face it, child, I ain't in the dying rat state of mind so I blow past this little brother like I got somewhere to be, like I'm in a rush. Like if I move faster, then Friday comes sooner and I get to see her again if she wants.
If she wants.
See that's the hard part, brother, the "if she wants" part like "if she wants I leap out of bed" and "if she don't then make it six sugars and extra cream, brother, cuz it's gonna be a rough morning."
Now you can try to put the little furry guy out of your head while you take your clothes off but it's just not gonna happen and it's a long few minutes before I'm down to my Calvin's in the kitchen and I'm staring into the Frigidaire like it's the oracle at Delphi gonna answer all this bullshit trauma for me. Fuck man, how long you think he'll do that out there on my driveway? That dance stops when the music starts, when the choir celestial pipes its shit up and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest but who calls that shot? So there I am heading back out with a white garbage bag and stopping to take the axe from the woodpile, and fuck man, when was the last time you suppose I sat in front of the fireplace?
What do you think goes through your head when you're standing naked over a dying rodent who's decided to take this moment to do a big expressionist dance piece and you're trying to convince yourself that the short and sharp is gonna be way better for this poor bastard than the long and languid? Well, I'll tell you cuz there I was and this fucking animal is clawing at the air and snapping for all it's worth and I can see inside its bright pink mouth to rows of white triangle teeth that just looking at them makes me feel the little razors clamp down on my fingers and all of a sudden I'm thinking of fox traps and mink coats and animals chewing their legs off out of wire snares and Goddamn that hurts and don't think, child, that I don't know cuz I been there and got the wooden leg to prove it. Who's the bigger coward, man, the guy who can't kill the pathetic little fucker or the guy who can't sleep until he does? So I heft the axe a couple of times cuz that's what you do with an axe, child, you heft the motherfucker and I swing this thing down through the animals neck and I'm thinking the sooner I'm done with this gnarly shit then the sooner I'm blissing out on sleepers and waiting for Friday to roll around. In the split second that this evil fucking blade goes through I can feel it go soft-hard-soft like flesh-bone-flesh and then pavement with a wet thunk like out of a movie soundtrack sound effect. And the most fucked up thing, man? The most fucked up thing was the sound this little rat possum thing made AFTER the wet thunk pavement sound. Like what is that? Like my head is off and I'm pretty much pissed about this whole scenario so I'm gonna sigh out my general dissatisfaction in a way that can only be supernatural, cuz, let's face it, I don't have anymore lungs? Like I needed that shiver to run up my spine.
So what do I do but I bag this ex-possum and tie the top of the plastic like I don't want him getting out, like I don't want to get attacked in my sleep by no crazed zombie rat out looking for vengeance. And in the can he goes, the no-luck-havin' motherscratcher.
Then I turn, and moving slow for the first time all day, I roll back past the woodpile to drop off Excalibur and back into the house.
And in bed, as my lids come down to shut the world off, I'm already thinking about telling this story. It's all starting to come together in my head, even before I know how to feel about it. Start with the car, man, and the girl, maybe a little relativity but I never really understood that shit. Then the rat, man, the fucking dancing possum. But end on the girl, brother, cuz it's all about the girl, and on Friday, maybe you get to see her again.
User Reviews
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-06-02 11:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what's a possum, anyway, man? Like a rat with a purpose
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-26 16:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what I'm feeling. That's probably a good sign.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2006-06-10 03:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-06-10 02:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like my head is off and I'm pretty much pissed about this whole scenario so I'm gonna sigh out my general dissatisfaction in a way that can only be supernatural, cuz, let's face it, I don't have anymore lungs?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-13 00:31:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your story made me not care about the formatting.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-11 08:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a bit of me that wants to -2 you. Just to show that it can be done. But I can't do it. And I hate you for it. Well done.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2005-06-29 04:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-04 10:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...if she wants.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-02-16 08:56:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-01-05 12:44:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-31 10:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Shit!
How did I miss all these? I still remember your first post.
It's time to play catch up.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-22 21:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you. Completely sanely and from a distance.
...bear my children?
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-12-20 19:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fantastic. Your writing deserves much more attention.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-18 16:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-18 16:18:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-11 19:33:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Utterly. Fucking. Kickass.
For the love of God, post more.
------------
And I-D, since I saw you down there, when's another "Unlife" coming across?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-18 16:18:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-11 19:33:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Utterly. Fucking. Kickass.
For the love of God, post more.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-11 19:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Utterly. Fucking. Kickass.
For the love of God, post more.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-12-09 01:11:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Werd.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-01 09:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your style a lot. A LOT.
One tip, though - break it up a little by double spacing between paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read. Some Uber-ers are lazy, and a bunch are going to take one look at this and say "WTF, I'm not reading all that."
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-12-01 01:45:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
woah
Submitted by barnaby (user info) at 2004-12-01 01:39:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish you would stick a finger in my ass.
for old time's sake, of course.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-01 00:39:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Throw in some spaces between your paragraphs, and this would be a shiny shitload easier to read.
That said, I did read it - and enjoyed the hell out of it. Good stuff.