Gibberish's cancer infects Ubersite. (838 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 0.5 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Agent Smith (View user info) at 2004-12-01 15:14:19 EST
Reference: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1101625001937916061
gibberishscancer: Hell, electro
gibberishscancer: I am gibberish's cancer, and I am hungry for more pancreas
electro: God, GibberishsCancer
gibberishscancer: Gibberish's pancreas tasted like roast chicken
electro: Hi there.
gibberishscancer: Surgeons tried to cut me out, but I prevailed and suicide bombed gibberish's shit like school in summertime
electro: You are either: Fetish, Squattail, Koolmang, Degreeless, Agent Smith, or some random asshole...
gibberishscancer: No, I am a malignent tumor the size of a tennis ball
gibberishscancer: and I have come to cure your autism
gibberishscancer: I believe you have a golf-ball sized tumor in your head, causing your autistic behavior
gibberishscancer: I would like to consume the tumor, ridding you of your autism
gibberishscancer: you know what they say, fight cancer with cancer
gibberishscancer: would you like me to treat your mental illness?
electro: who is this
electro: really, who is this
gibberishscancer: That is not the question, the question is what am I
gibberishscancer: What causes me? Carcinogenics such as printer toner and cigarette smoke?
electro: You are the next asshole to be blocked, thats for sure.
electro: GOOD BYE!
---
gibberishscancer: Greetings, I am gibberish's cancer, and I am hungry for pancreas juices
bargled: mmm, you can have some of mine, i'm sure i'm making excess.
gibberishscancer: Great, gibberish's body is cold and stiff as a board, i've been looking for a fresh pancreas to sink my myself into
bargled: look no further, friend.
gibberishscancer: Perhaps you have room for my friends: brain tumor and prostate cancer?
bargled: i've already met brain tumor, but i think me and prostate cancer don't mix.
gibberishscancer: and don't forget Luke Emia, he needs a little bit more headroom than the others, but let him into your body and you won't look back
bargled: Luke is always welcome in my home.
gibberishscancer: I also have several STD aquaintences, perhaps you would welcome them into your pubic forage patch?
gibberishscancer: I know crabs, crabs is a good friends of mine
bargled: crabs is where i draw the line.
gibberishscancer: Crabs will draw funny pictures in your pubic hair
gibberishscancer: he is very artistic
bargled: well, that's good, my girlfriend can have something to admire.
gibberishscancer: Oh, you have a girlfriend?
gibberishscancer: I know a really great breast cancer looking for a good home
bargled: yes, but she's a bit of a health nut...i dont think she'd like any of you.
gibberishscancer: oh, pour printer toner into her mung bean juice
bargled: i jizz in her soy milk
gibberishscancer: she'll be vomiting green by the end of the week
bargled: so, did you even break a sweat in gib?
gibberishscancer: I ripped that shit like it was no thing
gibberishscancer: he didn't even offer a fight, I think he wanted to die
bargled: i think i'd put up a good fight, care to find out? i can take you and luke on at the same time.
bargled: wanna rassle?
gibberishscancer: you know something though? It was me that drew all those microsoft paint masterpieces, he just used me and took all the credit
bargled: YARRG!
gibberishscancer: I was his muse
bargled: now i understand why you killed him
gibberishscancer: yeah, it was a love/hate relationship
gibberishscancer: I loved his pancreas more than he hated me, so I won the war
bargled: he sounded like a prick anyways...the world is better without him
bargled: just using you like that....
bargled: awful.
gibberishscancer: I am the work of God
bargled: and you are his most wonderous creation
gibberishscancer: I am God's angel of death
bargled: ooh, my anus just got a tickle, was that you?
gibberishscancer: No, there is no such thing as anus cancer
gibberishscancer: it is a myth
bargled: 'tis a shame
gibberishscancer: yes, the anus is an untapped resource
bargled: just imagine a doctor treating that
bargled: and it has a nice ring to it.."ass cancer"
gibberishscancer: we are working on a supercancer, one that will pretty much just seal shut the anus then work its way through the internal organs
bargled: you and god?
gibberishscancer: me and AIDS
bargled: is he a crafty fellow?
gibberishscancer: He is a shapeshifter
bargled: indeed he is
bargled: HIV? or AIDS? you can never really know...
gibberishscancer: Well, its been great talking to you, I am going to go look for whateve'rs around, it is a busy job, but somebody's got to do it
bargled: i salute you
gibberishscancer: onward christian cancers
bargled: not just anybody would take the hard jobs
bargled: the "shit" jobs
---
gibberishscancer: Hello, I am Gibberish's Cancer
Tom: Hi, I'm Tom.
gibberishscancer: I am hungry, the call of the hunt is strong
gibberishscancer: I must conquer
Tom: What shall we conquer?
gibberishscancer: No, your pancreas will be conquered by my cancerous fortitude
gibberishscancer: Gibberish lasted a few months, how long will you last?
Tom: Damn. Good thing I don't need my pancreas! We stopped needing it when primitive man stopped eating raw meat.
Tom: Or was that the appendix?
Tom: I just can't remember
gibberishscancer: Appendix, I will explode your appendix
Tom: I want fart cancer.
gibberishscancer: I will fill it with pus
Tom: Can I have fart cancer?
Tom: Boy, I hope I never get ear cancer
Tom: or nosehair cancer
gibberishscancer: No
Tom: or fingernail cancer
Tom: or hat cancer
gibberishscancer: You can have bone cancer?
Tom: Nah, who wants boring old bone cancer when you can have some fun teeth cancer?
Tom: Or pants cancer
gibberishscancer: Well, when you have bone cancer, teeth cancer is included in the package
Tom: I'll take it.
gibberishscancer: And it hurts, the bone cancer hurts so much
Tom: Can I have butt cancer too?
gibberishscancer: Very painful death, you will be screaming for euthenasia
gibberishscancer: No, there is no butt cancer
Tom: WELL MAKE ONE
Tom: Talk to me when you can give me butt cancer.
gibberishscancer: I could give you a melanoma on the exterior on your asscheeks, like an external skin cancer?
Tom: I'd rather something be imbedded so we can do direct radiation therapy against it.
gibberishscancer: You can try to cut it out with a hobby knife, but my melanomas spread extremely quickly
gibberishscancer: Ok, some prostate cancer?
Tom: I once knew a guy who had it all over his back.
Tom: Oho no, prostate cancer is cancer I can turn down
gibberishscancer: Yeah, that was me, you like my work?
Tom: So are you the cancer fairy?
gibberishscancer: I turned his back in a repulsive black mole
gibberishscancer: no, I am cancer
gibberishscancer: I take many shapes and forms, as well as names
gibberishscancer: you may have heard of some of my recent names
Tom: If I were to leave a tumor under my pillow, would I wake up to find a shiny new nickel where the bloody tumor was?
gibberishscancer: Leukemia, brain tumor, Adolf Hitler
Tom: Adolf Hitler had Parkinson's
gibberishscancer: no, I am adolf hitler
gibberishscancer: I just took on human form
Tom: That's what kills me. A man who can't even control his own ejactulations took over most of europe.
gibberishscancer: Yes, that was indeed entertaining
gibberishscancer: Would you like to hear my cancer song?
Tom: At Gib's expense? Any time...
gibberishscancer: ok
Tom: mon-fru
Tom: 2-5 pm
Tom: on leap years
Tom: for the month of june
gibberishscancer: Wouldn't it be nice if you had cancer, then we wouldn't have to wait so long, and wouldn't it be nice to live with cancer, in the kind of world where we belong
Tom: You know chemos gonna make it that much better
Tom: when we can say goodnight and die together
gibberishscancer: Not really, I am an aggresive cancer
gibberishscancer: I don't take too kindly to toxic radiation
gibberishscancer: Every time I get attacked with chemo, I take a big bite out of my host's internal organs
Tom: What would you do if a bat bit someone who had cancer and made him into an undead cancer vampire
Tom: and whoever got bitten by the Cancpire got cancer too
gibberishscancer: WATCH OUT YOU COULD BE MY NEXT VICTIM, GOODBYE, AND CHECK YOUR SKIN FOR POSSIBLE TUMORS
Tom: ...always
gibberishscancer: Hello, I am gibberish's cancer
ainkara: ... uh, hi
ainkara: i'm... ainkara
gibberishscancer: I give people cancer, it's what I do
gibberishscancer: So how many deathwishes can I put you down for
ainkara: interesting job
gibberishscancer: I'm on a commission basis so the more the better
ainkara: gee, you know what? i've just spent all my money
gibberishscancer: No, the gift of deathwishing is free, in terms of mortal money
ainkara: looks like i'll be cursed to be cancerless again this summer
gibberishscancer: now now, there is enough cancer to go around
ainkara: well... in that case i just plain don't want it
gibberishscancer: no, you don't wish cancer on yourself, the gift of cancer is the gift of giving, they go hand in hand
gibberishscancer: you wish cancer on others
gibberishscancer: I've got a package deal going on at the moment
ainkara: oh i see
gibberishscancer: you can get a stomach tumor the size of a standard beer mug plus a brain tumor the size of a swimming goggle's eye
ainkara: gift that keeps giving huh?
gibberishscancer: gift that keeps taking
ainkara: that too
gibberishscancer: it feeds like a leech
gibberishscancer: skin cancer is also a specialty of mine, it is our number one best seller
ainkara: well, that would be popular here
gibberishscancer: you can get 4 square ft. of it in a polystyrene box
ainkara: 1 in 3 people or something has skin cancer. you've been busy
gibberishscancer: yes, I have been doing a lot of business lately
gibberishscancer: I gave russell coight cancer
ainkara: haha
gibberishscancer: a lot of celebrities I have delt with
gibberishscancer: I just killed Yasser Arafat, a nice dose of Leukemia
ainkara: so.. you have an aussie branch then?
gibberishscancer: sure, my office isn't a geographical location
gibberishscancer: more of a spiritual location
gibberishscancer: you might be interested in selling cancer so that more people can benefit, we have a nice pyramid set-up
ainkara: well i certainly need a job at the moment
gibberishscancer: you would get all the cancer you want for yourself at wholesale cost, but 15% commission on all sales, plus our referrel program extends further, so you get 10% of all your referal's sales as well
gibberishscancer: well, have you looked into the lucritive market of cancer sales?
ainkara: nope, can't say that i have
gibberishscancer: a recent study showed that in the whole world more people have cancer than cars
gibberishscancer: it's a multi-billion dollar industry
gibberishscancer: it's more than just a job, it's a career and an investment for the future
ainkara: wow, how about that
gibberishscancer: yes, cancer is in it for the long haul
gibberishscancer: blacksmiths and voodoo doctors come and go, but cancer is here for good
gibberishscancer: when you have cancer in your hands, you have a good future
ainkara: i don't know, voodoo seems fairly strong
ainkara: or weak hands
gibberishscancer: well, you could carry cancer in a backpack or mailbag if your hands are weak
gibberishscancer: door to door cancer sales, its where the money is
ainkara: i'm not really a door to door person
gibberishscancer: we have a saying back at cancer HQ: "Cancer, it's what's good for the economy"
ainkara: i tend to talk too much and be friendly and not try to make people buy things
gibberishscancer: well, you just need to work on your sales pitch and people skills
gibberishscancer: "how's the wife? good, good, and the kids? good as well, do you want cancer? i'll take 20lbs
gibberishscancer: smooth
gibberishscancer: see in that example, that guy probably didn't even want cancer
ainkara: eh
gibberishscancer: so you don't want to buy cancer?
ainkara: does anyone ever really want cancer
ainkara: no not really
ainkara: no one springs to mind that i'd like to die a horrible death
gibberishscancer: nobody really wants crack cocaine or heroin addiction either, but there they are, shooting up in public restrooms on a daily basis
gibberishscancer: people will buy anything, anything
gibberishscancer: so I guess you aren't interested in the profitable world of cancer sales either then?
ainkara: nope
gibberishscancer: well, I tried my best, I guess you just cut out to deal with the cut throat world of cancer
gibberishscancer: aren't
ainkara: guess not
ainkara: sorry
gibberishscancer: well, I am verry sorry to hear that
gibberishscancer: goodbye
ainkara: bye
gibberishscancer: !
GlitchCowman: hello
gibberishscancer: so that's a yes?
GlitchCowman: to what?
GlitchCowman: all I got was an exclamation point
gibberishscancer: that thing we talked about
GlitchCowman: identify yourself?
GlitchCowman: OH
GlitchCowman: well
GlitchCowman: I didn t mean to shoot him
GlitchCowman: so its a no
gibberishscancer: Shoot my dad, why?
gibberishscancer: This isn't about that though
GlitchCowman: oh
GlitchCowman: well, what is it about?
gibberishscancer: this is about the wonderful world of commission based cancer retail sales
GlitchCowman: oh damn, I know who you are
gibberishscancer: you see, I buy cancer directly from the wholesaler
GlitchCowman: but I cant put my finger on it
GlitchCowman: your profile
GlitchCowman: its the same as someones...damnit...but who....I want to say tom, chris, or aaron
GlitchCowman: but Im wrong
gibberishscancer: then a pyramid team, not a pyramid scheme - don't confuse it with that, the pyramid team sell it to their friends and relatives
GlitchCowman: and anywho, I dont want to buy cancer from you
GlitchCowman: but thanks
gibberishscancer: no, you dont buy the cancer
GlitchCowman: may I ask
gibberishscancer: you sell it
GlitchCowman: who the wholesaler of cancer is?
GlitchCowman: who are we talking
GlitchCowman: dick cheney?
gibberishscancer: you get 15% commission on any cancer you sell, that's net value, not gross
GlitchCowman: hmmm I could use some money for college
GlitchCowman: but Ill pass
GlitchCowman: unless you throw in soup
GlitchCowman: or sex
GlitchCowman: or soup
gibberishscancer: no, dick cheney has heart attacks, that's a whole other line of work
GlitchCowman: ahh I seeee
gibberishscancer: I don't deal with them
GlitchCowman: well, halliburton runs everything nowadays, I jsut figured
gibberishscancer: there was some unpleasantness
GlitchCowman: understandable
GlitchCowman: now about this soup
GlitchCowman: who the fuck are you
gibberishscancer: no, we were talking about known carcinogens
GlitchCowman: like naked?
gibberishscancer: the popular ones, we got your carbon monoxide
GlitchCowman: Im sorry, ive got a two track mind
GlitchCowman: if youre not talking about sex or soup, it isnt going to get through to me
GlitchCowman: as thrilling as carbon monoxide is
gibberishscancer: do you mind me asking if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol
gibberishscancer: because you are coming across as a complete shithead, wouldn't want it to interfere with your sales job, the pyramid team is called a team and not a scheme because we are a team, we stick together, we stay sober and we sell cancer at an affordable price
gibberishscancer: we sell it to young and old alike, but we don't get many repeat customers because they usually die
gibberishscancer: you with the team on this one, or are you with the scheme?
GlitchCowman: i gtg
GlitchCowman: ill consider it
gibberishscancer: ok
gibberishscancer: get back to me, we might be able to sort out a free trial or something
gibberishscancer: taste test
gibberishscancer: just a taste of what cancer has to offer
GlitchCowman: ahahahaha
GlitchCowman: im sober
GlitchCowman: just tired
gibberishscancer: oh, so you are just a shithead
GlitchCowman: and speshul
GlitchCowman: yes
User Reviews
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2004-12-02 02:59:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, its like Agent Smith is some kind of computer program able to really piss off people tha are plugged into the computer but still make us laugh. Awesome
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-12-02 02:46:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Libra (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:39:01 (#)
Ranking: -1
pretty funny, probably woulda been funnier if i knew who gibberish was
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I told you who Gibberish is, you twat.
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHH I KNEW IT WAS YOUUUUUU!!!
Submitted by Libra (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:39:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
pretty funny, probably woulda been funnier if i knew who gibberish was
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and thats why he is blocked...
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Riiiiiiight.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-01 17:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
gibberishscancer: oh, pour printer toner into her mung bean juice
bargled: i jizz in her soy milk
--
ahahahahhahahaa
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-12-01 17:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gibberishscancer: Greetings, I am gibberish's cancer, and I am hungry for pancreas juices
bargled: mmm, you can have some of mine, i'm sure i'm making excess.
gibberishscancer: Great, gibberish's body is cold and stiff as a board, i've been looking for a fresh pancreas to sink my myself into
bargled: look no further, friend.
-----------------
Holy shit. I coversation like that would have made work a hell of a lot more fun today!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-01 16:08:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gibberishscancer: well, you just need to work on your sales pitch and people skills
gibberishscancer: "how's the wife? good, good, and the kids? good as well, do you want cancer? i'll take 20lbs
gibberishscancer: smooth
gibberishscancer: see in that example, that guy probably didn't even want cancer
***
Classic.
Happy birthday, Tim.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-01 16:05:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA
Tom's was great.
Why won't Gibberish's cancer talk to me? maybe that's a good thing?
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:59:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Here, have a -2 from the birthday boy.
You earned it.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:55:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome. the Tom conversation was the best. hat cancer. Cancpires.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The one time a posted conversation made me laugh.
"The anus is an untapped resource."
Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Someone has a bit too much time on their hands.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:31:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't like reprinted AIM or IM conversations.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:30:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Is it bad that I think this is kind of funny, even though it's completely tasteless?
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:29:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gibberishscancer: Great, gibberish's body is cold and stiff as a board, i've been looking for a fresh pancreas to sink my myself into
bargled: look no further, friend.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
could have been funnier. i read only 1/2 of it
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:26:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
there's a doins a happenin!
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:24:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I can't read all that........
But fuck gibberish and his cancer filled pancreas
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:24:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn, someone reviewed after i refreshed but before my review
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WOO THIRD REVIEW
i have nothing to say...
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:22:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow. lots of letters. placed together to form words. too tired...must rate and go to nap...i mean....sleeeeeeep....
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I could go for some soup right now.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-01 15:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF I ain't.