Fuck You, Disney. (1478 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by girlintheworld (View user info) at 2004-12-01 18:24:58 EST
Recently, I've seen more and more girls get together to have Princess Parties (If you don't know what I mean, I think there was an article about it in the New York Times about 3 or 4 weeks ago...)
Now, this would be perfectly understandable if every female stayed seven and we believed in fairytales or if only the little kids had all the fun.
But, no, the 40-year-old mothers have to join in too. Sure, they SAY it's to join in the festivities, but we all know it's really because you missed out on something in your childhood. Does your daughter want to be Cinderella? Then, why, of course you get to be Belle!
That being said, I'm sick of the way Disney fucked us over.
Some examples:
In the Disney movie of "The Little Mermaid", Ariel meets Prince Eric, loses her voice and eventually defeats the Sea Witch and lives happily ever after as a human.
Real version? Her name is Pearl (think "Scarlett Letter" here for a moment) Eric doesn't love her, marries some other chick, and Pearl DIES.
"Sleeping Beauty": True love comes to save poor Aurora after she pricked her finger on a spinning wheel. She lives happily ever after.
We all know she got AIDS from that needle and died.
"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"? Midget prostitution.
"Cinderella"? Um, she talked to mice. Enough said.
The only real Disney story out there? "Bambi".
Think about it. Bambi's mom dies due to civil war in the forest. The hunters against the animals. So Bambi grows up motherless and his dad ran off when he was young. He's got no one. He grows up with Thumper, the playa, and Flower, the homosexual friend. So the civil war rages on. And then, out of nowhere, his dad shows up for a split second. To say, "Son, ya done good." And his dad saves the day and disappears again. Guess the kiddies won't be seeing Grandpa this year.
This isn't to say that these fairytales can't be inspirational, but usually those inspirations end when you're around the age of 8. Guys aren't princes all the time, girls don't sing to little birdies. Life is more to the point of this: Girls have been told that "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince". In the story version, she never kissed the frog. She threw it against the wall and the prince appeared. You get it? Kick some ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-06-30 19:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, this shit makes me want to kill people. Again.
Submitted by awj002 (user info) at 2004-12-05 20:14:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
extremely funny. i'm like, so in love with you
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2004-12-02 23:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
>Girls have been told that "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince". In the >story version, she never kissed the frog. She threw it against the wall and the prince appeared. >You get it? Kick some ass.
Dude, this is like my fucking motto.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-12-02 23:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've thought the same thing. Disney movies just set girls up for huge disappointments. LIFE DOESN'T HAVE A HAPPY ENDING.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:52:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As I was reading it, I was thinking that you could have made it much funnier. The concept was good and I laughed a little so I give it a +2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-12-02 10:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Im sure that would be LOVELY. Post if you get a chance please.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fairy tales are fucked up. I heard a really good one once that maybe I'll post even though that would probably be plagiarism, and of course it was told by a women's studies professor.
Submitted by Samer (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:04:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't imagine the horror I would bring to my little sister if I told her.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MMMMM Princesses....
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-01 20:38:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking ay.
I could not agree more. Yet when you tell your 7 year-old niece that Ariel is supposed to die, she doesn't believe you!!
Damn kids, with their game boys... and.. fraggles....
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2004-12-01 20:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I absolutely hate that man. The girls who grew up watching these movies don't even know how to give good head. He ruined a generation.
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He doesnt know the destruction he's caused. Damn dead bastard.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:27:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Walt pissed you off, too, eh?
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:20:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wanna kiss me <croak>
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 its been done.
wait.
Submitted by TragicKingdom (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:11:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good rant.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:59:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good rant.
and Aladdin kicked ass.
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:55:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally a rant which relates to my favorite subject...midget prostitution.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was so right on though! Perfect.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:47:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet...
Always knew something was fishy with Dopey...
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought about making up something else for that but Midget Prostitution was just too classic.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"? Midget prostitution.
Priceless!!
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So like, are you hot? Cause I'm imagining you are in your little princess outfit... oh god I have to go clean up.
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:34:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its been done.
All the Fuck yous have been done.
But it was a good rant.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-01 18:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the better rants