Uber: What is the worst/biggest lie you have ever told? (And "Where is the love" Compilation Number Six) (3329 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.19 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Glitch Cow (View user info) at 2004-12-01 19:29:25 EST
Out of curiosity, what is the worst or biggest lie that you have ever told? Did you even feel guilt afterwards? My worst lie, in a nutshell, was pretty damn big, and as it culminated in a false police report, for now I'll keep the secret, but anyone else care to divulge?
For those of you who will undoubtedly whine and ask for a real post, here's the sixth (or whatever I'm up to now) installment of the plus two collection series "Where is the love: A happier Uber Compilation". Enjoy.
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Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-19 05:15:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had several young Japanese girls suck my pink pipe--not for money, for glory.
My sperm is the world's best kept secret, not only does it restore youth, it adds brains.
Don't believe me? Check out my bilingual rock collection.
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Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-24 17:58:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. I cried. I dry humped the air. Then I committed a felony in under ten seconds because my brain had to shut off. That's right, it stopped. You had wasted my time in such an idiotic and grandiose way I couldn't function. Thank you.
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-19 08:47:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-08-19 08:23:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bloody 'ell! 'Appy Birthday, Scott! You're the finest bloke that side of the Ocean. Knickers! """"
What???
How about all our good times Jared? Running through meadows, that time I splashed you by accident and you soaked my t-shirt until it was see through! That puppy we bought?
To find out like this.
Well, I expected more of you.
Goodbye cruel world......
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Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-08-29 13:58:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
After careful inspection of the attached photograph, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that you do not in fact have a mouse in your apartment, but a toddler. You'll need a bigger trap.
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Submitted by Nipplemeister <Hairynipples.at.Nipples.com> at 2004-09-27 21:33:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
"VISA: WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?" the cranky, 90 year old man asked me.
I couldn't handle it. I just couldn't. What the fuck business was it of his? WHY did he have to know what was in my wallet?! Beads of sweat poured out my back. And weiner. Hahaha. I said weiner. Anyway, the next thing I knew, I was holding his severed head in my hand.
"Woh," I said. "Didn't see THAT one coming, did ya?!"
"Damn straight!" the head replied. "I've been pwned baby!"
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Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (user info) at 2004-10-06 07:53:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
The other day I noticed that I had 2 gray pubes, but when I pulled one out, my left bollock fell off.
I left the other one alone.
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Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-01-30 13:08:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
What about kitten riding pigeons?
Id like to see that. Especially when the kitten tries to eat the pigeon only to have its eyes pecked out in a horrible fight to the end resulting in a draw leaving both horribly maimed. The kitten will be blind and missing 2 legs (one in front and one in rear) and the pigeon will be missing both wings and talking with a lisp.
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Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-30 13:21:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Manfre is not allowed within 200 yards of any live animals, not since the lobster incident.
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Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2003-10-09 21:34:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
"However, that sure is a pretty black cock David Hasselhoff has hanging out of his undies"
It's a belter isn't it. A real royster doyster for the whole family to enjoy.
Yes this picture is camp, believe it or not that was unintentional, my intent was innocent - to provide a collage containing a 70's homoerotic picture of Hasselhof in tight pantyhosen, a chunky cold chain, a pimp hat with purple velvet lining, prescription aviatar spectacles complete with light sensitive lenses, a flaccid black rodney ready to strike into action and any minute.glimpse of a "ladies box", Gary Coleman wearing a hat whilst juggling attached to a white man's body, a lovely waterfront scene and the elegance of the British flag reminding us all of the death and destruction illicited by hundreds of years of British imperialist rule....poetic, but gay...Nooooooooo
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Submitted by Method (user info) at 2003-10-20 00:31:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno why I see you like this. I also see hidden101 as an oompa loompa in my mind, and i see chipolatte as an 800 pound black man with a feathered pimp hat and no teeth, sitting in a 1987 red Camaro. See, makes no sense. I cant explain it. Please dont hurt me, Mr. abominable snowman.
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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-10-28 02:48:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
wrap a coat hanger around your head, poor fake blood on yourself, and call yourself a failed abortion.
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Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-25 23:25:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
i ate M&Ms
for breakfast
but the daylit sun
proposed a bit of weight
an avian murder did fill my entrails
and so was the 5 pound gutsy substance,
a tribute to names such as 'shit' and 'turd' and 'massive poop'
birthed into my toilet
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Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-11-29 20:39:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
...the comforting knowledge that somewhere in Australia, a female platypus was laying an egg; this egg would grow to become the Supreme Lord of the Platypi and eventually overthrow all of the world's leaders by unleashing years of penned-up, duck-billed rage. Fred then took a moment to step outside of himself. Why the hell was he thinking about marsupials and masturbating?
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Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:57:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Queefs are actually myths created by the Incans to scare the younger children into staying in the village.
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Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:30:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes I like to comment by smashing my face into the keyboard, let's give it a try...here we go...
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Hey! Nice spacing!
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Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-22 15:50:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and just to follow suit with this ridiculous heat, here is an AIM conversation I really had with Val and Falco in real life using real stupid AIM screen names. Really. For real:
youarsoghey: Hey, idiots.
Falco: Hey!
Val: HEY! How did you get my screen name?!?!
youarsoghey: I didn't. This isn't a real conversation. Silly fake Val.
Val: Oh! LOL!
Falco: LOL!
Val: LOL!
Falco: LOL!
Val: LOL!
youarsoghey: Ok, shut up. The reason I IMed the pair of you is to tell you to stop being such morons. I mean idiots. No, sorry, I meant morons.
Falco: ROFLMAOWJTMWMF
youarsoghey: What does that mean?
Falco: Roll on floor laughing my ass off while juggling three midgets with my feet.
youarsoghey: Oh..
Val: LOL!?!?
youarsoghey: Exactly..
Falco: LOL!
Val: LOL!
youarsoghey: This was obviously a mistake.
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Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-09-25 03:15:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
A man walks up to an elegantly dressed woman at a soiree and says 'Excuse me, miss, would you sleep with me for five million dollars?'
The woman looks at him and says 'Well...you're kind of cute, I guess, sure.'
The man then says, 'Would you sleep with me for a dollar?'
The woman gets pissy and insulted and says 'Of course not! What kind of a woman do you think I am?'
The man then says 'We've already established that, now we're just haggling.'
You're still better off than a buddy of mine whose wife cheated on him with a horse he bought for her.
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-28 04:44:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
go as a hot dog seller.
have a tray hanging from your waist with three hotdogs on.
the ones to the left and right can be genuine hotdog sausages but in the bun in the middle is a surprise!
of course you would have to have a fairly large penis.
I tried this but my dick was too small.
In the end i wrapped it in bacon and called it a chipolatta.
***
Yes, I realize most of these come from the same people. Suck it up and stop giving "No Comment" plus twos.
I believe the whole point of this was to ask about lies, but I don't remember anymore. Happy December kids,
OLAS.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-12-17 23:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah i'm on
now it's on
now we can party like it's 1999
but Nipplemeister's comment... no, that was hilarious
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-12-09 19:31:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I made the list. I can't wait to tell my mom and dad.
Biggest lie...hmmmmm...sometimes I fake orgasms and I am a guy.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-12-02 04:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy moley. It's olas.
I hope you're having a wicked life.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-12-02 03:44:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
whenever I get pulled over, I tell the cop that "sorry I'm not paying attention, but my girlfriend of a year just dumped me so I'm headed over to a friends house" I feel bad cuz they're always nice and let me go, but damn, tickets suck
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2004-12-01 23:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I said I was intelligent.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-12-01 23:25:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Worst lie?
I told my mom I had an abortion.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:30:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:22:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I think I'm begining to like this kid!
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:29:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah, but seriously, hmm... biggest lie? Hell, I dunno. Lies are so easy to see through, deception is much more of an effective tool, and you can even tell the truth and still be deceptive. I don't think I've ever told a BIG lie.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:24:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't lie.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:22:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
____________
Lay off the "Goonies" movie
I told this chick I wanted to find that special someone when I got older, not in school; she was an ugly bitch
We are both 26 now and she is a secretary for some important guy and gets paid loads, about 300 grand a year, damn me for lying.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"I'd never killed anyone for asking me lame questions."
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:22:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-12-01 21:05:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-12-01 20:22:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:56:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
You ask us to divulge the biggest lie we've ever told, yet you refuse to do the same?
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Damnit...chris put you up to that, didn't he...
Frankly, my answer is yes. I simply don't want to risk any of the three main people I lied to coming across my story until it's been at least a year, and it's only been four rather hellishly guilty months. Adding to that, filing a false police report is illegal, and I really don't need that on my record.
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Many of us are in the same boat, Viv. I'm not trying to be an ass, and I know that not EVERYONE is in the same boat, so I'll speak for myself when I say: =/
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-12-01 20:49:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah aj, I know.
I've been collecting all sporatically and really just wanted to post that question without getting hassled for 'not posting anything'.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-01 20:42:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not a great compilation this time around.
Ask JohnGalt what one of my biggest lies was.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-12-01 20:29:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I completely forgot about that review. Good find, Viv.
The biggest lie I ever told: "It was Oswalt! That guy over there! Without the sniper rifle like the one I'm holding on this here grassy knoll!"
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-12-01 20:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:56:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
You ask us to divulge the biggest lie we've ever told, yet you refuse to do the same?
---
Damnit...chris put you up to that, didn't he...
Frankly, my answer is yes. I simply don't want to risk any of the three main people I lied to coming across my story until it's been at least a year, and it's only been four rather hellishly guilty months. Adding to that, filing a false police report is illegal, and I really don't need that on my record.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-01 20:02:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
About my biggest lie. Let's see...I told Koolmang that I was saving myself for marriage. Hah.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, i never saw that comment Method made about me, but thank you for bringing it to my attention. he's killing my self esteem with comments like this one and "you have the body of a chess master".
that son of a bitch...
anyway, i'll have to get back to you on the biggest lie i've ever told. i have some things i need to take care of right now.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I probably would've made it, but I thought you weren't doing these anymore and I had no motivation to put effort into my +2s. I would do something dumb like make a relevant comment on the post itself or say "B@W".
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:56:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You ask us to divulge the biggest lie we've ever told, yet you refuse to do the same?
Submitted by lovetohate (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was a junior in high school and trying to get out of a Thanksgiving assembly. I had already asked my mother, who said no, I couldn't leave school. I didn't want to get in trouble for skipping, so I forged a note and went to the attendance office. The attendance lady was going to call my mother because she suspected that I wrote it, and I begged her not to. To try to get out of trouble, and not be written up, I told her that I had to go to the free clinic to get tested for STDs and pregnancy. I was a virgin too. She wrote me up for forgery, but never sent it to administration.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:37:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Squirrels are sexier than cows.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-01 19:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you see my Glitch Cowman love post?