More Than You Think You Are: Part 1 (805 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.62 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by John Galt (View user info) at 2004-12-01 21:56:57 EST
BUZZ...BUZZ...BUZZ...SMACK!!!
David started his morning in the usual fashion. Twenty minutes later he rolled out of bed. He was already well on his way to being late. As usual, he didn't really care. He stumbled wearily into the bathroom, turned the knob for the hot water, and walked to the sink to brush his teeth.
His eyes began to gain focus, each blink clearing a bit more residue from the contacts he'd neglected to take out and clean for the fifth night in a row. As his vision cleared, he could see them peaking back at him through tufts of brown, shaggy hair. They were still the same deep blue, but something was missing. The luster he once saw, the vibrant life that filled them a few short years ago, was now long gone, replaced with fear and guilt. He stared for a second at the stranger before him, wondering who he was, where the boy he used to be had gone and what ever happened to the man he was suppose to become.
He winced in pain as the brush met his gums. He was 2 years overdue for a trip to the dentist, but he'd forget about it again by the time he had a chance to setup an appointment. He rinsed his mouth and stumbled back to the shower. The curtain fell as he slid it open to step in, clanging around his feet. He made a mental note to fix it later, but he knew he'd just keep putting it off.
"Ahhh! Fuck!" he screamed, jerking his foot back out. He adjusted the temperature, and continued his daily routine. He washed his hair, and made a note to get it cut. One more thing he'd forgot to do for at least another week. A little scrubbing with the last of the soap, a quick dry, the last bit of deodorant he could get from it's container, 10 seconds spent throwing back on yesterday's jeans and the least smelly shirt he could find, and he was headed out door. "I'll have to do laundry tonight, and stop by Target for some soap and deodorant," he thought, "but at least I've got some detergent left, so I can scratch that off the list."
As David climbed the steps to the parking lot he added kitty litter and a 6-pack to his mental shopping list, talking to himself and wondering if the neighbors thought he was crazy. He quickly realized that they probably didn't know he existed. No matter. He barely noticed them either.
The weather was starting to turn cold, he shoved his hands in his pockets. He discovered an empty condom wrapper from a one night stand 3 months ago. He smiled to himself, reliving the awkward silence the morning after. He could see his breath as he made his way to his car.
There was a bit of frost on the window, the first of the year so far. He started the engine and turned on the wipers to clear the window, adjusting the heating vents up as far as they would go. It was too late to bother searching for an ice scraper and not worth it for such a thin layer of ice. He made another note to get the defroster checked before the winter got to bad. He'd need it fixed for sure by the end of December.
A black Honda, bearing 30-day tags, with the sales sticker still hanging in the window, honked, its driving waving frantically, as he nearly backed into. He mumbled an apology, and continued out of his spot after they passed. He heard his stomach growling. At this point he might as well stop to pick up some breakfast. Thirty minutes late gets you the same lecture as twenty-five.
David drummed the steering wheel, slightly out of rhythm, and sang along to the radio as he waited for the gate to open. He watched it slide along the track, slow and steady, and marveled at the simplicity and elegance of its design. Simple solutions to complex problems always seemed to fascinate him.
The beauty of being late, if there is any beauty in it at all, is that at least there isn't much traffic. The usually difficult left turn out of his apartment complex was no problem at all at 9:23. He even made both lights, the second just a moment before it turned red. He saw the pickup crossing it illegally in his rear-view mirror, barely missing his bumper, and wondered which one of them had run a red light. He eventually convinced himself it was really still yellow when he passed through it.
A few moments later he pulled into the McDonald's parking lot, circling the new brick building to get to the drive-thru lane. He wondered to himself what took them so long to start accepting credit cards. Once again, a simple solution to a complex problem. Well, it was complex to him anyway. He could never remember to stop by the bank for cash.
"Welcome to McDonald's," the voice came, surprisingly crisply for a drive-thru, "Can I take your order?"
"Yes," he replied, "I'd like a Bacon, Egg & Cheese value meal, on a hamburger bun, with Dr. Pepper to drink." At this point he wouldn't be surprised if they recognized his vehicle when he pulled in and just had his breakfast ready without any need to order it. Then again, if you combine the turnover at McDonald's and the average IQ of the employees, anyone even recognizing him at all would be pretty unlikely.
"That'll be $3.95 at the first window."
David pulled around, and handed his card through the window. They ran it.
"Declined." the lady at the register informed him.
"What? That's impossible."
"Here, let me run it again."
David began searching his wallet and console for whatever cash he could find.
"Nope. Still not working." she said. "Do you have any cash? Or another card."
"Damn it! I have..." David counted the money he'd gathered, "$3.93. I can try to find-"
"That's close enough," the lady smiled, "I'll cover the 2 pennies."
"Thank you. I'm so sorry about that."
"It's no problem at all, sir. Have a great day."
David pulled to the next window to get his food. It was now 9:28, closing in on thirty minutes late already. He rounded the building to get to the exit, fumbling to put the straw in his drink.
Moments earlier, five-year-old Darin O'Callaghan had noticed a shiny rock, as his father led him by his hand to their car. They too were late, Darin's father, Mike, was rushing to get him to daycare, so he could be at work for a meeting at 10. As he fumbled for the keys, Darin wandered slowly away, then rushed back to pick the rock for his collection.
David hardly saw him as he streaked in front of the car. He slammed on his breaks just seconds before he heard the dull thud on his bumper. He backed up quickly and leapt from his vehicle, leaving it running. Food and drink splattered across the dash and windshield as Mike rushed to his bleeding son.
Darin didn't move. Blood gushed from the front and side of his head. Mike screamed, fell flush and fainted. David quickly ripped off his shirt, wrapping it around Darin's head to stop the bleeding. He tossed phone to one of the McDonald's employees standing in the crowd that had gathered around them and ordered him to dial 911. He held the little boy's head in his lap as they waited. Darin's breaths were starting to grow shorter as the sound of the ambulance grew louder in the distance.
To be continued...
(apologies to Matchbox 20 for ripping off the title)
User Reviews
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Wow. And wow.
At least he didn't take off. That's what I would have expected.
Of a real person, not of your stories.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-01 23:57:48 (#)
Ranking: 1
I may be out of line here Sideburns but, this isn't nearly as well written as some of your other stuff.
*********************
Hilarious.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-02 11:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I got lost here and there, but I am really enjoying the story line. I look forward to reading more.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-12-02 10:00:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2004-12-02 09:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't make me smile but more than worth reading.
Dark.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-02 00:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@H
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-02 00:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I stand by my criticism though.
It was intended for the writer of this post. :):)
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-02 00:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I just got done reading some of sideburns stuff, that's why the mistake was made.
I've got to stop reading so much.
Sorry John.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-12-02 00:20:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I'll take "not quite as good as Sideburns" as a compliment any day of the week.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-02 00:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Very well could be poly. :)
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-02 00:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heehee.
Bigmike's getting senile. ;)
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-01 23:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I may be out of line here Sideburns but, this isn't nearly as well written as some of your other stuff.
I like the story, but it was hard to follow in places.
I am hardly qualified to give this sort of criticism because I screw up all the time. Please don't ask for examples. You are a good enough writer to know by proofreading where the weirdness happens.
Like I said, a good story.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:39:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmm
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:37:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:22:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I get it now. You didn't read it.
____________________________________
Alternate ending:
"David hardly saw him as he streaked in front of the car. He slammed on his breaks just seconds before he heard the dull thud on his bumper.... and then, he realized that he didn't care. 'Watch where you walk!' he screamed, and kept on driving."
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Teh awesome
+2's for life
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I get it now. You didn't read it.
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:20:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Usually, when you run an old lady over in your car, you get 10,000 points for doing so.
Or maybe thats just something my friends do...
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:16:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad at all... a little morose, but there's nothing wrong with that.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:07:48 (#)
Ranking: 1
Poor kid.
Old ladies-10,000 points.
---------
What old lady? I didn't think I ever said the lady at the cash register was old. Damn it. Are you reading my mind? :-)
Oh, did I start at 10,001 and lose 10,000 for her, or start at -9,999 and gain 10,000?
I'm confused.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:13:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At the line "Buzz Buzz Buzz Smack" I knew... instant +2
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Poor kid.
Old ladies-10,000 points.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:04:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell? This is such an uber plot.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-12-01 22:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BRAKES!!!! BRAKES, God damn it!
slammed on his breaks...
I suck!