Cubicles (3,2) (624 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (View user info) at 2004-12-02 00:38:05 EST
There is a connection, but only a loose one, between this and the other pieces in my little collection. They are not required reading to make sense of the writing below.
If you do want to read them, go here:
Cubicles (1,1) - http://www.ubersite.com/m/52685
Cubicles (2,3) - http://www.ubersite.com/m/52983
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Allen yawned and opened his eyes, blearily peering around the narrow confines of his cubicle. He uncrossed his legs and placed his feet on the thinly carpeted floor - pins and needles rushed up his calves. His unoccupied shoes sat where he left them, beneath his desk. He wiggled his toes experimentally, deciding to wait another few minutes before sliding them back into their leather enclosure.
Truly, Zen Buddhism was the greatest thing to happen to his life.
Nirvana? Enlightenment? Allen couldn't care less about these things. The fact was, that by claiming to be a Zen Buddhist he had successfully managed to twist the company's arm into allowing him to meditate four times daily. Of course, by 'meditate' Allen really meant 'sleep, sitting in a cross-legged position for an hour at a time' (if anyone questioned the fact that it appeared he was asleep, he would simply respond that it was a particularly deep state of meditation). It might not result in transcendence, but he considered himself a lot more relaxed than his co-workers, and far more satisfied with his job.
After all, what was the Supervisor going to do? Fire him because of his religious beliefs and risk a court case - complete with the ensuing publicity nightmare? Not likely. Besides, Allen was punctual and relatively neat, he met his Monthly Performance Targets and filed his Bi-Weekly Activity Reports on time. He would continue to effortlessly submit his reports too, that is until the higher-ups actually read them and discover that he has a collection of pre-made statements and data that he cycles through over a tri-monthly period. Wildly inaccurate and farcical, perhaps, but the system carved days off the time he spent writing reports, and as yet, nobody had taken enough of an interest in his work to notice.
Allen's Buddhist work ethic also drastically improved life outside the office. Since he was allowed to take over half his daily sleep in his cubicle, he could spend extra few hours outside the office enjoying life, and still make it to work on time every morning. He had time to go to the gym, hang out with his friends and generally do whatever he wanted. He was healthier and happier than he had ever been - and he owed it all to the Company's total inability to deal with anything outside of the ordinary.
He leaned forward and fussed over his miniature desktop Zen garden. Little more than a sandbox with a few rocks and a small rake, Allen had perfected the art of outlining a pair of breasts and using a pair of the rocks for nipples. He smiled contentedly, admiring his latest work of art, 'Still Life, With Gratuitous Cleavage III' and set about copying and pasting a few of his standard responses into the latest Performance Target Evaluation Report.
Around him, coworkers tapped away on their keyboards and engaged in rapid, hushed conversations. Allen would never understand how anybody undertaking work as meaningless as what went on in this room could be either busy or stressed out. Perhaps, he mused, he was the enlightened one after all.
Abruptly, all conversation died, and the typing grew more frantic as the supervisor wandered along the edge of the room, having just returned from a customarily long lunch. Allen deliberately stopped working on his Evaluation and pulled a pair of scissors from his desk drawer to trim his bonsai. Honestly, he didn't much care for the little shrub, but it added a bit more verisimilitude to his performance, and to that end he was willing to take a few minutes here and there to look after it. It was surprising as to how well it was thriving beneath the harsh fluorescent lighting. It was undeniably in better shape than a number of his fellow cube-dwellers.
As the Supervisor retreated to the comfortable confines of the corner office, Allen dumped the bonsai cuttings on top of a couple of (inexplicably) round memorandums in his wastepaper bin and returned his attention to pasting paragraphs into his report. With the realization that they were no longer under observation, office keystrokes slowed, around the room conversations sprang back into life, and somewhere behind Allen, somebody began clicking their mouse repeatedly, as if their one true goal in life was to sustain some kind of RSI. Calmly, he blocked it all out and focused on his work.
With one final 'Ctrl+v', the document was complete - and about 80% identical to the one he submitted three months previously, pieced together from old reports and company propaganda like a corporate Frankenstein monster. Ready to be submitted, filed and immediately ignored. Allen smiled with satisfaction and locked his workstation. He carefully crossed his legs and laid his hands in his lap before closing his eyes. Nothing could possibly happen in the next hour that would demand his immediate attention. With a soft snore, Allen began meditating.
User Reviews
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-02 18:28:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-02 10:16:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Will you ever do anything that DOESN'T get a +2 from me?
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Sooner or later, it's inevitable.... for now, I am going to wallow in my +2 streak like it is a marble bathtub full of melted chocolate.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-02 16:00:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a genius.
-Davros
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2004-12-02 10:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your ability to turn the mundane and average into great stories. Keep up the good work.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-02 10:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-02 07:05:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
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Yep.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-02 10:16:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Will you ever do anything that DOESN'T get a +2 from me?
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-02 10:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still hate my cube.
Maybe a Zen approach.....
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-12-02 08:58:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-12-02 08:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More, more!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-02 07:05:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-02 06:55:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Once again, thanks for all the support guys and girls. You rock.
Submitted by toddska (user info) at 2004-12-02 05:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-12-02 01:25:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful just Beautiful.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-02 00:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+ 2, bitch.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-02 00:39:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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