What You Will Learned When Tricked Into Taking Women's Studies (2395 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.94 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TimeCop (View user info) at 2004-12-02 21:35:54 EST
At my university, you must take an InterDisciplinary Studies course in order to expand your mind beyond the focus of what your major is. In this exciting new concept, a professor takes their normal class syllabus and replaces the normal class name, such as "Middle Eastern Anthropology" or "Dog Fecal Seminar" and changes it to "Turning Points and Connections." Basically, anything remotely historical can become this class. What you study is entirely dependent on the teacher. You won't know until the first day of class what you'll be learning that semester.
My teacher is a Women's Studies professor. Here's the top ten things I learned in this class:
1) "History" is a sexist term, because it means "his story." Because of that, every man who has ever read a history book is a sexist.
2) 9 out of every 10 women will be raped. When questioned why the figure from most studies is 1 in 3 date rapes, she relpied that those studies don't take into consideration mental forms of rape such as "asking a women on a date" or "having a drink together."
3) Everything men do is out of a desire to humiliate and degrade women. These things include holding a door open, not giving women the right-of-way when driving, and not allowing women to bypass any and all lines. Atention all men: if you are not sending your mother $500 a month in recognition of the pain she went through during pregnancy and the humiliation of bringing another man into the world, you are a sexist. Also, by sending your mother $500 dollars a month, you are sexist for believing that women feel better when given money by men.
4) The words "here" and "there" both contain the word "her." Therefor, the words were invented to warn men that women were here and there, a.k.a. "everyw-her-e," and therefor must be constantly vigilant to keep women out of power.
5) All pornography of any kind is degrading to women, because only men buy, produce, or enjoy pornography. No woman has ever voluntarily been in a porno. Also, no woman ever buys pornography. Ever. It was somewhere during this lesson that one man was told to put a cock in his ass and see how he liked it for saying that a girl has asked him to have anal sex with her.
6) Homosexual men are degrading to women because their attraction to each other suggests that men don't need women.
7) Homosexual women are even more degrading to women because lesbian pornography is attractive to men, thus meaning that women were put on earth to sexually attract men.
8) The most important invention of mankind was not the wheel, fire, soap, or computers. It was actually rape, because men use this to keep women from rising to rightful domination. The most important invention of "peoplekind" was the birth-control pill, because it kept women from getting pregnant by men, who used the pregnancy to keep them from working, voting, and being in the Olympics.
9) Anything remotely resembling a penis, such as a gun, a guitar, drumsticks, piano keys, bookmarks, cellphones, certain items of produce, motorcycles, dogs, cats, fish, otters, ostriches, the crucifix, Christmas trees, eyeglasses, etc are opressive to women and are being used to brainwash them into submission. Anything remotely resemling a vagina, such as a credit card machine, the slot on an ATM, a car's gas tank, tunnels, disk drives, wristwatches(?), boots, etc are also oppresive to women because they are used by men by inserting something, therefor indicating that women are sex objects.
10) Any job that makes less money than the richest man makes, or allows less power than the most powerful man is degrading to women. Mankind's worst punishment to women is fast food service. Contrary to my many experiences in fast food, only women are allowed to work the counter. They have to take "orders" for food from men, orders which are filled out in the kitchen. Women are forced to take these orders from the men in the kitchen and "serve" them to the men ordering food.
***
Despite being filled with enough insane male-domination-of-the-entire-world-for-all-time conspiracy theories to push back the feminist movement so far that no woman would be able to vote for at least 200 years, I can look on the bright side: the publishing industry is run by male chauvenist pigs bent on brainwashing the world into believing that men created such things as computers, bifocals, the printing press, compasses and gunpowder, and all proceeds from book sales go to support the male-dominated society. Therefor, I didn't have to buy our $83 IDS Turning Points and Connections textbook. Instead, I bought wings at Hooters, got a Girls Gone Wild DVD, and stuffed $40 intoa stripper's thong.
User Reviews
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-04 23:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by blue_shift_revolution (user info) at 2005-02-02 13:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
browneez iz good... wid magical pixeh dust baked in
By the way, there is a theory that far back in human history, women were worshipped for tens of thousands of years, because they are the ones that created offspring. They sat on their ass for all that time eating chocolates, while men went out hunting.
Modern human civilization has existed for barely 8,000 years. I'd say men need to stay dominant at least for another 2,000 years, just to be fair.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-01-30 21:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahaha. Wristwatch?
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-01-30 20:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel sorry for the poor sod whose vagina looks like a wristwatch.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-30 20:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
She's probably too busy trying to sic the Secret Service on everyone.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-01-30 19:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, where's carolrichards on this one??
Awesome.
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2005-01-27 19:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh heh heh
Submitted by rhi (user info) at 2004-12-03 14:05:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What kind of college is this? I went to one of the most oft-labeled "liberal" colleges in my state, and we didn't get this crap fed to us. I hear about it more often from guys like you who hate feminazis, than from the feminazis themselves.
+1 for you and -2 to the guy who implied below ("To men and straight women") that all lesbians are in favor of feminist extremism.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-03 11:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a thing of beauty.
Submitted by Ignore_the_Small_Print (user info) at 2004-12-03 11:27:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-03 11:11:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1) How the hell did that guy dock you a point for the title spelling error? Even if that's a -1, this post is + so much, it should have still gotten +2...
2) I like brownies.
3) I like Zena...
4) I don't like Women's Lib.
5) Did I mention I like brownies...
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-12-03 10:52:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
women = walking cumrags
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-12-03 10:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was so fucking good
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-03 10:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha though, in my first language, objects have a gender. sometimes I wonder if the french chauvinist pigs of the middle ages didn't do it on purpose.
failure is feminine
success is masculine
stupidity is feminine
genius is masculine
weakness is feminine
power is masculine
...
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-12-03 08:50:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That must have been one funny-ass class to attend.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-12-03 08:07:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am hopping up and down in my chair, clapping my hands and giggling like a retard on whip-its waiting, just WAITING for Loki to read this.
He, he, he, he, he, he, he!
PUDDING! I LIKEA DA PUDDING!
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-12-03 05:27:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny thing is, I was debating writing a post on this since I just finished my Women's Studies 100 class (for an elective). My post woulda been exactly like this, except, you know, minus the humour and making-sense part.
So yes. This post is great.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-12-03 05:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to fuck you like a woman.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-03 05:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
That is all.
-Davros
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-12-03 01:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by arcane (user info) at 2004-12-03 00:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
6) Homosexual men are degrading to women because their attraction to each other suggests that men don't need women.
Some one has an inferiority complex and poor gaydar
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-12-03 00:38:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This +2 is being used to keep you writing on this site for my entertainment and thus keeping you from doing more empowering activities.
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2004-12-03 00:27:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Message to everyone who either has a dick, or likes them.(men and straight women)
Rise up against the Feminazis!!
They, along with the FCC and conservative Christian groups, are going to make America so bland and sterile that people will have to kill themselves for boredom.
You think I'm kidding but I'm not. The censureship must stop.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-03 00:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-02 23:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I will liked this post.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-02 23:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever see 100 girls? Alot of this is veerry similar. Plus 2 anyways though.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2004-12-02 23:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I personally would have stood up, slapped the dumb bitch, spit on her, took off my pants, handed them to her, and stated: "You talk about being a woman so much, let me make you feel like one. Iron these." I then would have spat in her face once more and jizzed on her.
All to prove a point that if they ramble on so much about us being sexist then its gonna warp are minds and one day we will make her shit come true and keep women in shackles to perform whatever task we wish to. *dirty thought*
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2004-12-02 23:05:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Were the brownies good?
Submitted by Mitchell (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:43:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU MEN ARE ALL OPPRESSIVE PIGS! FIGHT THE POWER! WOMEN WILL RISE! YAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
*flails at men in hostile manner*
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but
somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.
-- Homer Simpson
Lisa's First Word
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved it!
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-12-02 22:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would give you 10 billion points for this if I could.
Oh man, that picture...literal ROFL.
You're gonna go so far on this site.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-12-02 21:59:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The most important invention of "peoplekind" was the birth-control pill, because it kept women from getting pregnant by men, who used the pregnancy to keep them from working, voting, and being in the Olympics.
=====
My doctor told me the pill was sexist, because men originally developed it so they could have sex with women without any consequences or barriers, and they wouldn't lose their sex toys to pregnancy for any length of time.
This was hilarious.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-12-02 21:58:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure, undulterated hilariousness.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-12-02 21:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
kicker of all ass (+2)
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-12-02 21:56:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
apart from the horribly obvious spelling error in the title, i liked this post. reading that shit actually got me so pissed off that i bought a porno and beat a hooker with it, then raped the most prominant business woman i could find, just to put her back in her place.
would be a two... but "learned"
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-12-02 21:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of my Post-Confederation Canadian History teacher.
Turns out, Canada was founded to degrade women.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-02 21:49:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you pass? How?
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2004-12-02 21:43:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was you I'd declare shenanigans on the teacher.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-02 21:40:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome