i spt on you. or, reading this will make you feel better about your life. (733 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 0.21 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chinaski (View user info) at 2004-12-02 23:23:38 EST
I woke up this morning on my friends couch in an uncomfortable position. Ever taken a dude doggystyle while lying down? just kiddin'. my neck was killing me though, and I almost instantly vomitted upon awakening. The many beers in my stomach had turned into some kind of acidic poison.
But I didn't vomit. I got up (it was 8, I'd gone to bed at 3) and hitched a ride back to my place at the top of the hill. I got in and had to eat something. I chose 2 fried eggs, being as eggs are all that I have right now. I ate em. Trust me, they tasted and smelled FINE.
Suddenly, a little later in my room, that familiar pang hit my bowels. The pang where you fart a little and end up linkhoring to that post about the dude's dad who shit in his pants. Fuck linkwhoring and fuck you for wanting to linkhore to that post. Anyway, I didn't shit in my pants (prove that I did bitch!)
But I did barely make it into the bathroom and proceeded to piss out of my asshole for the next two hours. It honestly sounded so much like someone had turned out the faucet that I thought I'd shit out my kidneys.
Then I was at school all. fucking. day. and what did I eat? Jack shit! Plus I didn't drink any water. I was practically hallucinating by the end of the day. I was just in my last section an hour ago. There's an absolutely beautiful blonde girl... absolutely GORGEOUS... in my class. She was sittin across the round table from me.
I stared at her all class. When she was giving a media presentation I stared in her eyes and projected, "You and I are going to make it. You are beautiful. We are going to make love." I stared deeply into her eyes the whole time. She eventually made eye contact with me when I asked some arbitrary question as an excuse to get her attention. I put a thousand thoughts of love and admiration into that gaze. I know she felt something because her face softened and her eyes deepend into mine. I was in heaven for a little bit.
Yaaaawn... I gotta hit the sack... bashing my nut sack with a hammer is the only way to fight exhaustion...
pretty stupid post, i admit.
User Reviews
Submitted by MaximusPadus (user info) at 2005-01-03 23:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-12-12 20:28:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40472 ... come on, give me some more negative ratings on my old posts... no really, i do care...
tool.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-03 14:06:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DIARRHEA CHA CHA CHA
Auto +2 for poop story
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-12-03 09:10:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was cool...
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-03 08:56:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
was meh
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-12-03 07:50:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I spt on you too, sir.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-12-03 04:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Better than everything else on this morning. Why is Uber so boring today?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-03 04:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Fucking idiot. Stop posting.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-12-03 02:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
thanks for wasting my time. i don't feel any better about my life. i hate you and i hate everyone else. why don't you all go to hell? GO FUCK YOURSELVES.
Submitted by mike18 (user info) at 2004-12-03 01:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Mitchell (user info) at 2004-12-03 01:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
eh, it was good, but not great.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-03 00:34:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Solid zero
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-12-03 00:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dislike you, Nurrrrr-fherder. Can you see my dislike of you mirrored off your bald pate? ha ha (nelson laugh).
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-03 00:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not terrible, not great.
somewhere in between
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-12-02 23:43:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
1 for the post.
-1 for saying it was "pretty stupid"
-2 for SPT (especially since it's not Thursday yet in the EST [The only time zone that matters])
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-02 23:33:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W