Hello Ubersites (1681 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.02 on 80 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by George W. Bush (View user info) at 2004-12-03 12:51:32 EST
Hello Ubersites,
This is the first time I will be addressing you, and I hope you can gain as much from my wisdom as so many others have in the past. I came across this internets while researching some information on those cowardly, freedom hating Germans. I often use the internets as a study resource, but I have also felt first hand what a cruel and heartless superhighway they can be. For example, when I identified myself to the internets by typing my name into a search engine, countless internets came up claiming I am Hitler. Now this is just blatantly untrue, and if you look at the facts you will see these rumors are false. For example, in my research on Germany I discovered Hitler lived in Germany. I'm not 100% sure where that is geographically, but I am pretty certain it isn't in the United States. Also, I don't speak or look like a German, and Hitler must be at least one hundred years old. Trust me, we aren't the same person.
As you know I am the President of the United States, but even I have limits imposed on my power. For example; in 2000 when I won the election, I said to Dick, "Dick: I want Clinton dead, he isn't president anymore, I am, and I don't want baggage. In fact, now that I'm president, I want the entire Democratic Party marched onto the White House lawns and executed. That way, come 2004, we won't even need the hassle of another election." Dick gave me a funny look and said it 'wasn't feasible', so I didn't ask again, but I still think it would have been a good idea.
A lot of you may be wondering why my religion plays such a big part in my job. You're not a priest, you say, so why should religion affect how you do your job? Well, whether you like it or not, Christian God is up there in the sky judging you at this very moment. I may not listen to the United Nations, but I value the input of Christian God immensely. For example, homosexual marriage. Think about it for a moment. Even if you aren't Christian, doesn't the very thought of it make you sick? I mean, what if a pair of gays moved next door to you. Think of the property values. That's why the economy is so bad right now. Not because of me, but because of the increasing amount of gays in the country. We are in national debt because of the un-Christian behavior that is going on in our once fine nation.
Mr Cheney suggested I go to Iraq a couple of months ago to improve troop morale. "Are you crazy, Dick? I'm not going to Iraq, it's a fucking war zone." I responded. He said if I went we could buy stuffed camels in Saudi Arabia on the way home like last year, but I already have a boatload of stuffed camels the tobacco companies sent me at the start of my presidency so I declined. To tell you the truth I'm not really sure what's going on over there. Dick and Rumsfeld and some CIA guys showed me a slide show presentation about the whole mess a couple of years ago, but I was paying more attention to the popcorn I was eating than to the slides. At the end Rumsfeld said to me, "so do you think we should do it Mr President," and all I could think of was the little unpopped popcorn kernel that was stuck at the back of my teeth. I didn't want to sound like an idiot, so I said, "yes, full steam ahead!" with great enthusiasm then went to the bathroom and got a toothbrush to try and pry the kernel from my teeth.
Some of you may want to know why I seem so nervous and dense when I am giving speeches or taking part in a debate. The thing is, ask me to talk about a topic that I know the facts on and I will talk up a storm, I'm really not a bad public speaker. It's just when the press start asking questions about Iraq and Weapons Of Mass Destruction I draw a blank. Sometimes I just want to tell them the truth, which is that I am a good economist. The Democrats were just not smart thinkers. They had an army and a defense budget and they were pouring all this money into the armed forces, while most of the time the army wasn't even being used! Why would you buy an X-box then just let it sit in a closet for years? If we have an army and are putting all this money into it, we may as well make good use of it.
As you all know Christmas is just around the corner, and I just recently lit the National Christmas Tree. When the organizers came to me and said we need you to light the tree, I said, "you want me to light the tree? Yeah, I can do that, Jeb and I used to light crosses on people's front lawns all the time back in the late '60s." They said "Oh no, Mr president, we just need you to flick the light switch, for the decorations, just like you did last year." I don't really remember last year's ceremony. I've already written my wish list and mailed it to Santa, perhaps he is up at the North Pole reading it right now. Last year I was disappointed to find he hadn't brought me a roller coaster, but I've got a feeling this time.
Anyway, it was good speaking at you, but Jenna's just come home in a police car again so I had better go talk to the officers before Jenna has to spend another night in a cell. Perhaps I will address you at a later date.
Yours Sincerely
George W. Bush
User Reviews
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-04-09 19:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
woo
Submitted by Demolocke (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-12-13 08:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
+1 for the post, -3 for being a dick licker. You do the math bitch!
Submitted by Pearnbran (user info) at 2004-12-13 06:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What are you?
Let me guess
First, you are a lemming you believe everything you hear.
You still live with your parents (probably your mother)
You do not have a job and if for some reason you have one it is a shitty one.
You are lazy, and have bad hygiene. And you were dirty clothes (not because you are poor your just too lazy to have your mother wash them)
You think you are very smart "it's just the world loss for not seeing my greatness"
You should not criticize G.W. Bush
He has accomplished more than you ever will.
I can tell by your posting name that you are upset about Bush being President.
Did you even vote?
Finally.
You a week ass pussy bitch, if you ever want some of me let me know.
You would not stand a chance. If I walked up to, you would not be cool
You would be like a little Bitch and beg for your life.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-12-13 05:10:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You should consider taking your own life.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-12-12 22:30:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Blow me, Fucker.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-12-12 21:32:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Comment No
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-12-12 03:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Bush cheated the elections.
I know there is no way in hell he could have won a 2nd term...
I mean, he literally fucked up in the 1st term...
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-12-12 01:16:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pwesome
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-12 00:03:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just like the real president, you can't say words correctly.
E X P E C T
E X C E P T
NUKE-U-LAR
NU-CLE-AR
It's uncanny.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-09 19:26:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Better send another -2Fuckyou.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:01:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2004-12-07 22:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
God hates you
http://www.ubersite.com/m/53702
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-12-07 22:02:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-12-06 02:09:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
(The Democrats)They had an army and a defense budget and they were pouring all this money into the armed forces
________________________________________________________
Really? You mean during WWII right? The military shrunk like a motherfucker under Clinton.
------------------------------------------------------
Military spending went way down for a good fucking reason. Way to much money for nothing. Yes, we need the military now, so we increase spending. It's not like we sold the fucking tanks. Government spending went down as a whole. I work for the government, and believe me, there's plenty of wasted money. No use paying soldiers to sit around and get drunk, when you can just hire more.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:32:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
:(
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Testicles
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:32:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hairy
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:32:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fat
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Suck
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:32:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Still
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-12-07 18:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nevermind...no way in hell are you rb.
Submitted by MrPresident (user info) at 2004-12-06 02:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You obviously don't need anything to keep your rating up. You've stolen ideas and jokes (most of which weren't even amusing in their original form) and your writing style is written like a Goosebumps' book. Simple minds. But just keep +2ing every person who rates your post anything less than +2, and I'm sure they'll see the light and come around. +2 posts you don't like just so people can return the favor. Fuck integrity.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-12-06 02:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Aw man, you got me. I really need your +2s to keep my rating up. Because, obviously, nobody else +2s me.
Submitted by MrPresident (user info) at 2004-12-06 02:13:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you compare the defense budget to the amount of stationed troops, I am making much better use of the armed forces than Clinton ever did.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-12-06 02:09:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
(The Democrats)They had an army and a defense budget and they were pouring all this money into the armed forces
________________________________________________________
Really? You mean during WWII right? The military shrunk like a motherfucker under Clinton.
Submitted by MrPresident (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I get it. +2 my post then next time you post I might have the respect to return the favor. It's a good strategy, but it doesn't make your posts any better, and if I come across any of your future posts, I'll be sure to judge them according to their merit.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MrPresident (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:49:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
Every person who -2ed this post got a visit from sideburns I mean tigre.
----------
Nope, you didn't receive a visit from me.
But here, have a +2. Maybe it'll convince you to use your real ID.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 DIE
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Infact, I just hate you.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:29:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And your face.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And your shitty suit.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And your tie.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:29:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate your smile.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:12:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamnit..
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:12:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Meant to -2
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck!
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-06 01:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BAD!
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-05 17:20:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There is only one person who could pull this off so flawlessly.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-12-05 14:44:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to do something like this. Very good job.
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-12-05 10:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Something about your comments reminds me of reallybored...?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-12-05 09:57:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-12-04 19:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
IHAKF??
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-12-04 19:38:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
republican
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-12-03 19:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-03 19:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey Prez...your fucking underwear goes UNDER your pants, dipshit...not over them.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-12-03 19:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Howdy, George. Glad you could come here without an army leading the way.
Submitted by Fr057m0urn3 (user info) at 2004-12-03 19:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BEST ALTER EVA!
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-12-03 19:13:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOT
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2004-12-03 18:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Most people don't know that Bush was actually trained by evangelists on how to speak. He's not that big of a Christian but knows exactly what to do and say to get their vote.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-03 15:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hi George!
How's Jesus?
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-12-03 15:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now this ladies and gentlemen is how a camwhore first-post is supposed to be.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-12-03 15:25:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WARRED @ WORK
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-12-03 15:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, ya, Cheney is an old man.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-12-03 15:04:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If he was actually like this, I might have considered voting for him.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-12-03 14:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ASSBURGERS!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-12-03 14:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"And Cheney would NEVER say that marching the dems into a death camp was unfeasible."
__
BAHAHA!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2004-12-03 14:27:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Waiting for the tide of republican (and stabkill) -2's....
Eh, I guess that was a little redundant.
Submitted by IamNotTheWorldTradeCenter (user info) at 2004-12-03 14:23:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This FAR too eloquent to be W. A W post would resemble a fat tony post, full of spelling and grammatical errors, colliquial slang, and half-thought out ideas.
And Cheney would NEVER say that marching the dems into a death camp was unfeasible.
But +2 for anything reasonably intelligent that makes fun of Dub.
Submitted by SAECULUM.AUREUM (user info) at 2004-12-03 14:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 for pretending to be the President and not fucking it up.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2004-12-03 14:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA
Dammit...
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2004-12-03 14:09:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You will be Beebed
GO DEMOCRATS WOO!!!
I mean BEARS
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
camwhore.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:33:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
G-orgy w/ bush.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:22:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Protect me from evil, your royal highness!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:20:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BURN IN HELL FAGS!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please marry me
Submitted by Da_Blonde_Cajun (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:15:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for "internets" Bwahhahahahaa!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is just great.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:02:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You missed our tee time yesterday man. I had to golf with Condoleeza by myself and hear her ramble on about overseas relations and god knows what else.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
when the fuck did dubya learn to write?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-03 13:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-12-03 12:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-12-03 12:57:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahahahahahahaha
nice tie, George.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-03 12:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd do ya...
in the pooper.