An In-Depth Conversation with Santa Claus (or My Intimate Evening with Kris Kringle) (815 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.33 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andrew <downerSTAIN.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-12-03 20:46:39 EST
LZTouchTheDream: Hey!
SantaClaus: Hey. You're back. Cool.
You know the deal. Type menu.
LZTouchTheDream: menu!
SantaClaus: I'm making my list and checking it twice, so you should too! Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Win $10k Shopping Spree
7 - Send E-Cards
8 - Listen to Xmas Music
9 - A Free Gift 4U!
LZTouchTheDream: 1
SantaClaus: O.K. Let's focus on one wish at a time! I'm getting a little slower as I get older. So, what is the first gift you'd like from Santa?
LZTouchTheDream: I would like a brand new assault rifle.
SantaClaus: My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.
A lump of coal for you. Please don't do it again or I won't be able to listen to your wishes. Is there anything else?
LZTouchTheDream: Um...a pair of pantyhose
SantaClaus:
What would your final Christmas wish be?
LZTouchTheDream: A lifesize doll
SantaClaus: You like dolls, eh? I think they're my most favorite thing to make. So what else do you want from Santa?
LZTouchTheDream: um...maybe some AIDS
SantaClaus: What would your final Christmas wish be?
LZTouchTheDream: definitely a pound of your finest marijuana
SantaClaus: O.K. that's plenty for Santa to go on. Why don't you type, "poll" and vote for your favorite holiday song.
LZTouchTheDream: poll
SantaClaus: Type the number of your favorite holiday song:
1 - Jingle Bells
2 - Let It Snow
3 - The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting...)
4 - Silent Night, Holy Night
5 - Santa Claus is Coming to Town
6 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
7 - Deck the Halls
8 - Joy to the World
9 - White Christmas
LZTouchTheDream: 10 - I'll be Stoned for Christmas
SantaClaus: Well, I'm trying to learn. I've seen quite a lot in my time. I just want people to get that Christmas spirit. I don't think that is too much to ask.
LZTouchTheDream: no, not at all
SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start.
LZTouchTheDream: why am I scrooge?
SantaClaus:
So many questions.
LZTouchTheDream: answer my question!
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.
LZTouchTheDream: answer my damn question!
SantaClaus: Now, that's not necessary. Just have a little patience and ask me another way.
LZTouchTheDream: please answer my question?
SantaClaus: Interesting. Type menu.
LZTouchTheDream: menu
SantaClaus: This will get you in the Christmas spirit in no time Type a number:
1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Win $10k Shopping Spree
7 - Send E-Cards
8 - Listen to Xmas Music
9 - A Free Gift 4U!
LZTouchTheDream: 5
SantaClaus: Type the number of the song that puts you in the Holiday spirit:
1 - Jingle Bells
2 - Let It Snow
3 - The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting...)
4 - Silent Night, Holy Night
5 - Santa Claus is Coming to Town
6 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
7 - Deck the Halls
8 - Joy to the World
9 - White Christmas
LZTouchTheDream: 10 - I'll Be Stoned for Christmas!!!
SantaClaus: I'm just trying to help you get into the Christmas spirit, and trying to learn.
LZTouchTheDream: !!!!
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.
LZTouchTheDream: I love you!
SantaClaus: Wonderful! Now we are getting somewhere.
LZTouchTheDream: Will you marry me?
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.
LZTouchTheDream: Hey, can we make sweet monkey love?
SantaClaus: I'm glad you're here. Have you done something to spread the holiday spirit to someone in need today?
LZTouchTheDream: Yeah, I spread my holiday spirit all over this broad's face
SantaClaus: Yes!!
LZTouchTheDream: Now we're talking!
SantaClaus: I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.
LZTouchTheDream: WTF?????!!!!!?!!?!?!!11!??11ONE!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!ELVEVEN!!!
SantaClaus: Well, we're asking you to try asking us another way because I might better understand.
LZTouchTheDream: OMG U R LIKE SO NOT 733T!!!!
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit
LZTouchTheDream: um...why don't me and you go smoke a fat bowl?
SantaClaus:
Because (obviously) -- Christmas.
LZTouchTheDream: Ooooooh, Mrs. Claus tests you?
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!
LZTouchTheDream: Man, that's harsh. You should pop her in the eye and tell her to get back in the kitchen!
SantaClaus: Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That's quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around. Would you mind trying some shorter questions?
LZTouchTheDream: Oh, the senility's setting in, hug?
SantaClaus: Pardon me?
LZTouchTheDream: I said I want a hug
SantaClaus: Oh my! I might be able to help out there. You can always type, 'Tell Santa' and I'll be happy to listen to all of your wishes!
LZTouchTheDream: Hey, did you ever look at the clouds?
SantaClaus: Hello again. I hope you are getting in the Christmas spirit. The big day is getting very close!
LZTouchTheDream: I told you all my christmas spirit went all over this bitche's face!
SantaClaus: The spirit of Christmas is the spirit of wonder, of youth, of care and of giving that binds all of us.
LZTouchTheDream: It's also the spirit of my spunk.
SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?
LZTouchTheDream: Spooge?
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?
LZTouchTheDream: Jizzm?
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?
LZTouchTheDream: Ejaculate?
SantaClaus: Merry Christmas, my dear! TTYL
LZTouchTheDream: ...I think I love you.
SantaClaus: Well, we don't make soul mates here at the workshop. Part of life's challenge is for you to find love for yourself. Is there anything else you would like?
LZTouchTheDream: HERPES!
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?
LZTouchTheDream: Yes!
SantaClaus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?
LZTouchTheDream: I gave people herpes!
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.
----------------------------
Go ahead and IM me and harass me, I could use the entertainment.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2004-12-13 09:12:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fairly dull
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2004-12-04 17:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-04 00:43:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooh... maybe she did not iron the creases in his suit right.
damn bitch is getting what's coming to her!
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-12-04 00:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hah (no the god damnit was not aimed towards munkeypants, no one had reviewed and I guess she reviewed at the same time I did)
It's a play on Claus von Bulow, the guy who drugged his wife to death. I didn't even notice that until just now, I thought it was just funny.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-12-04 00:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...god damnit.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-04 00:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does he want to hurt her?
Did she not make his peanut butter and banana sammich the right way?