A young girls first experience dealing with a cop.... while stoned. Alot. (1431 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.84 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sam <Oracle0fTheRaven.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-12-06 15:40:07 EST
Ok.. Basics!
Agenda: That night, there was to be an awesome party about a block or two from me.. Some
friends and I were going to go together, so we hung out before hand to smoke a bowl.
Accomplices: Ashley: An adorable girl with a kickass personality, my best friend. If i was gay, i'd
be in love.
Lauren: Not cute. Not kickass. Fat and bitchy. Only there because i have too much weed,
and i felt generous
Megan: Awesome friend. Not too involved in this story though
Jimmy: Same as Megan. Awesome, but not in here too much.
Mission: Get high, go to a party, have an awesome time while everything and everyone is nice and
tolerable
Location: My house.. the self proclaimed "Safe Spot" no one was to be home until tommorow, and my
dads girlfriend smokes, so she could care less what we do, as long as we're not sloppy.
Conflict: Police. Three underage girls alone in a house with illegal substances. No family home.
Serious problems arise
Now, read!
Ok.. now that you know where we are (my house) and who i'm with (Lauren and Ashley), i shall start my awesome story. I know most of the people here on uber are older than me, and have already had the whole "extremely stoned encounter with police".. but this was my first time. All three of us are extreme light weights (one bowl had all three of us completely gone for 3 hours) to the point where we could not stop eating, dancing, and laughing like dumbasses. Now, right as i put in the classic Sublime CD, we hear a rap-tap-tapping at my chamber door! Assuming it was Jimmy and Megan, Ashley and I raced to the door, while our hungry accomplice proceeded to eat my cat. We open the door, Sublime blasting, water in one hand, Wheat thins and pumpkin pie in the other, giggle, and then look as to who is standing in front of us. Dun dun dun.
It was not Jimmy, nor Megan. Holy shit! dilemma! Ok.. ok.. at this point my brain is going into overdrive trying to process this.. Five cars outside my house, three men standing before Ashley and I, bright light in my--
"OW! Holy shit man! get that light out of my eyes!"
I said it before i thought. Bad move.
"Hello ladies, is your father home?"
Oh god! No!! i'm in NO condition to interact with people! I could offer him the pipe.. but--
"No sir. No one is.. heh, no one's home right now. Lauren! could you turn that music down please?"
I am greeted with a
"DUDE! Catfood is NOT tasty!" from my kitchen. Not what we need to hear right nowww!
"Ehem. Anyway.. Ociffer, Officer *cough* Why are you here? did something bad happen?"
That fucking light again! he shines it in my face when he speaks to me! UGH!
"Ma'am. please. where is your family?"
"Ugh.. Not home now. Christmas party.. *puts munchies down inconspicuously*"
"Alright."
"Holy shit.. what HAPPEND?"
My brain had finally registered everything at this point. There were cops! IN FRONT OF ME! we're high as hell, and have been for the past 3 days. i have 5 grams of pot, and 2 pieces of paraphnelia on me. There's three of us, underage, smoking pot in my house. THERE IS A COP STANDING BEFORE ME! HOLY SHIT! I panic.
"NoSorry. Nooneis Homerightnowtry.. Try back in an hour? Yeah thats good try an hour would you like a phone number i have one if you want sir i'm so sorry no ones here right now what happend why cant you tell me do you think i'll get in trouble? did i do something wrong----"
God. bad move. LET the guy know you're nervous and high. I was getting slightly paranoid and defensive now. 'Don't let him see the whites.. er..reds of your eyes!' i was thinking
At this point, if he shone that light in my eyes one more time..
"Maim. Don't worry. your brother knows. your dad knows. it's all ok. Are you ok?"
that fucking LIGHT!!
"STOP WITH THE LIGHT! OH MY GOD IT BURNS!"
I shut the door. we turned the music up, ate the rest of my kitchen, and left. We also got some red eye shit.. which, as you could imagine, was a whole new experience in itself. It turns out my brother vandalized someone's house or something equally as stupid, which is why the cops were there. I ended up taking my whole stash with me in fear of cops searching my room (paranoid much?) and getting high in a firehouse 3 hours later. Sometimes i just love life and its risks.
User Reviews
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-12-07 05:47:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmehnemmehnehmmm. Not great.
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-07 00:04:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Accomplices: Ashley: An adorable girl with a kickass personality, my best friend. If i was gay, i'd be in love.
---
I'll +2 all you work if you send me a picture of you licking Ashely's cu--
Wait...how old are you again?
Submitted by only_slightly_bitter (user info) at 2004-12-06 20:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-12-06 19:27:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This actually wasn't badly written (I don't see the mistakes that people are pointing out anyway. But then, I'm stoned, so maybe I'm missing something...) but it WAS boring, forced, and antclimatic. I'm sure if you post enough, the brutal criticism will make you get better. Or kill you.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-12-06 19:14:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm glad more and more Americans are learning AOL as their primary language.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-12-06 16:54:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I got to the part where I realized that you suck more than a radioactive catfish, and then I stopped reading.
May you die painfully while watching Richard Simmons shove a pylon up his ass.
Submitted by arcane (user info) at 2004-12-06 16:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
One time I got stoned and drunk and flicked a lit ciggaret at a cop for no reason. Unfortunatly thats all that happened of intrest so its not post worthy. Over all id say things you did while messed up are generally not funny when posted on the internet. Unless there are pics.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-12-06 16:26:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't bother (-2)
Submitted by FallenZer0 (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:57:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ESL student right here.
Anyway, my apolagies for writing so akwardly and such.. it's just practice to me, so flame all you want =P Thanks to all who gave me a decent rating, though =)
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
...................................................
*adds one more person to the "Hate Hate hate" list*
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:56:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I remember the first time me and some girlfrineds got busted for smoking pot. We were elbow deep in eachother's vaginas when alas, Jack Hard McFatStick showed up and busted us all for undeage fisting.
Ahh, I love life and its risks.
And being a gigantic lesbian...
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:53:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:42:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
Is english your third, or possibly fourth, language?
---
hahaha...hilarious.
You need to slow down and write more coherently. It's a good story - if you had executed properly, you would have gotten +2s.
I would have given you a -1, but I'm a weed sympathizer and I had my first run-in with the cops while stoned a couple weeks ago - on my birthday!
you can read the story here if you like: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52551
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:52:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 die. P.S. Hook me up with one of your cute friends.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Next time leave the writing to those who can write and just do what your good at, showing your tits.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WOW! OMG! WTF!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cute story. You're going to get flamed, but pay no mind.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:47:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
did something actually happen?
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Like, wow. OMG, ur so totally BADASS!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:46:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
LIKE, OMG!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-12-06 15:42:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Is english your third, or possibly fourth, language?