Bangkok 3 (1379 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.94 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Isaac Bickerstaff (View user info) at 2004-12-06 21:29:12 EST
And then it comes, kids, just like it always does, so predictable that I'm disappointed. His head gets so hot, his heart pounding so hard, his punches and kicks so sloppy, that he doesn't even know what happened until his knees hit the mat. There's an audible gasp as he realizes he's on the ground, that he's just been swept; that, "wait a motherfucking minute, half a second ago I was handing out some whoop ass and now I'm on my knees in front of a big, pissed white boy."
When I swept his legs, I caught his right wrist and trapped it between my ear and shoulder and locked that shit in. The Thai cat's a striker, Muey Thai guys always are. Sometimes with Muey Thai, just like Taekwondo, they learn a little Hapkido, which amounts to some simple joint locks. But either way, he looks up and we make eye contact, and he knows EXACTLY what's about to happen to him. I shoot a glance over to JD, he aint laughing now, he coughs out, "Holy Christ, did you see that shit?"
My eyes flick back to the Thai cat and he looks a little confused, like, "who the fuck are you and what happened to the guy whose ass I was just kicking?" For a second while we're looking at each other, I don't wanna do it. That's how old I am bitches, that's how old and how soft and how tired. But then the training kicks back in, and I step back slightly to separate the joint a little, and then I press.
You'd think that after a certain number of dislocations, a guy might get used to the sound, ya know? That maybe the wet pop of the joint capsule rupturing might not be so nails on a chalkboard, might not make the hair on the back of your neck go up and your scrotum lift up into your belly. If you thought such a thing, you'd be mistaken; and for a second, when the Thai cat yelps like a walked on dog something tells me to stop with the elbow.
I don't listen to it.
I step back and as I pivot, I kick the wooden stool up into my hands. Usually a corner man would have pulled the stools out of the ring, but remember, my children, that we're in the middle of Dante's fucking Inferno all up in here and they're aint nobody to stop me from spinning back around and swinging that stool like I'm the Babe out gunning for the last row of the bleachers.
His lights pretty much go out like someone flipped a switch, "click." Although it don't sound like that.
You ever been in the ring or on the field when a crowd literally, "goes wild?" Well it don't really sound like the loud hiss of a homerun, it's more like the "kabooom!" of a ballistic missile launch, like all the oxygen gets sucked out of the air and replaced with grenades. The old man is in the ring and pointing at me and screaming so fucking fast that I feel like I'm dodging bullets. People are shrieking and stomping and I watch as Nadine gets pulled to the ground by a giant Thai queen in a blond wig and clear heels and JD can't figure out if the rule about "guys can't hit chicks" applies to dudes in skirts and corsets.
In the ring, the Thai cat is writhing around on his back and he's going into shock and clutching his arm which is still bending the wrong way and the old man seems content to scream at me instead of helping his fighter. I walk over to where Bobby Night is fighting with the Aussie sailors over a fistful of cash about who cheated and who gets paid, and after I bend over them in a quick motion they're all screaming at me and trying to climb up into the ring, fucking parasites.
I turn my ass to Bobby Night and walk back over to the Thai cat who now has a couple groupies wailing away and the old man standing over him trying to look important. As I approach, the cat tries feebly to push himself away from me with his legs, but I've been there before and I know what he's feeling and he aint going far. Someone has pulled his gloves off and I try to tell him it's okay but, you know, it's not.
So I calm the old man and kneel next to the Thai cat and show him the cash I just snatched from Bobby Night. The Thai cat's eyes go clear for a second and before the old man sees that I have anything I press it into the Thai cat's hand, the hand on the backward bending elbow. And in the moment that his face goes all stunned and nervous I jerk the arm down, and set the elbow back in place. For a second his face goes all spastic twisted and then relaxes when he sees that it's over and all he does is look down at the wad of bills in his hand, his backward elbow gone and forgotten, and then he stuffs the bills in his elastics
And she's always telling me how selfish I am.
As I pick my chipped bones up and grab my clothes, I see that JD is now comfortably past the "guys can't hit drag queens" part, has crossed nimbly through the "guys shouldn't kick transvestites in the tits" part and is now well onto the "is it okay to bang Nadine?" rule.
I climb out of the ring and past Bobby Night and the Aussies, thinking that it sounds like a cover band in Vegas; Bobby Night and the Aussies, and as they grab at me looking for their bank, I point at the sign and say, "I won, fuckers, someone owes us 4 hundred," and I point to the old man. They get the picture, and storm off after the old fucker, no longer my problem.
So what am I doing in Bangkok, you bloodhungry bastards? Well right now I'm clutching my shoes in my hands and trying to keep from bleeding all over my clothes as I walk in my shorts to a payphone at the bank on the corner. And as I'm dialing down the center, I'm trying to do the math, "if it's 4 am here, then it's like 10 am next Thursday back home..." When there she is, click, "Hello."
"Hey."
"Hey. Are you downstairs?"
"Um, no."
And then the Pause, you know the Pause.
"Did you go to Thailand?"
"Sortof"
"Uh huh. Fuck you, Zach" Click.
And so I sit my naked ass down on the gritty sidewalk next to the condoms and dime bags and watch across the street at people pawing each other and fighting over money and I start to pull my shit together. I'm done, right? I mean, I'm done. And even though I'm stuck here for another four days, I'm already leaving, ya know? In my head I'm already on my way out the door, like all my shit is finished over here and now I just got to catch a flight four days away. And I grin like an idiot cuz I know she'll be there at the airport to pick me up and sew up anything that's falling off and at least once on the drive she'll push the hair back out of my eyes like she does. So what am I doing in Bangkok, brothers? Cuz I'll tell you, right now, even though it's four days out, what am I doing?
I'm going home.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-10-12 07:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Write a book of short stories and I will buy it. Do you hear me?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-06-02 11:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
swoons
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-26 17:12:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eh.
Submitted by refusenik (user info) at 2006-03-17 07:10:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-17 06:35:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, enough for now. This was brilliant by the way. I don't think I've read anything on Uber which is of this calibre.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-13 00:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sensational.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2005-06-29 04:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-26 11:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-17 02:08:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't post often enough.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-24 17:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good bumping snark!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-24 17:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUMP
Submitted by Rocktsrgn (user info) at 2005-04-05 11:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2005-03-08 02:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my god.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-03-04 10:52:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-02-16 12:41:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-01-05 14:46:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-12-08 15:17:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
First-person bad-ass narrative style,
and I like the story, too. Good job.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-05 12:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to go back, after reading your latest. I just had to see.
My suspicions are confirmed. I'm addicted.
Fuck
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-31 10:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I could write like anyone on this site. It'd be you.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. You seriously need to turn your story into a screenplay.
VanDamm can kiss my ass.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-17 02:08:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't post often enough.
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-12-08 15:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First-person bad-ass narrative style,
and I like the story, too. Good job.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2004-12-06 21:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
please read Bangkok and Bangkok 2 before this one!
thanks,
zach
Submitted by uberdick (user info) at 2004-12-06 21:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"scrotum lift up into your belly". I've tried to accomplish this feat many times on my own without success.