The Hulk MeetsThe Ginger Ninja or Don't Fuck With My Son! (2248 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Soley (View user info) at 2004-12-07 06:23:54 EST
As the parent of a 6-year-old rascal I often have to endure children's parties. It's not the incessant painful high-pitched tones of 20+ excitable children, or the equally painful forced conversations amongst the adults (about little Tommy or Alice's new hobby) that grate on my nerves. I can even bare the pungent whiffs of vomit (there's always at least one greedy little fucker).
The problem I have to deal with is the reaction to my hyperactive, heavy-handed little rascal. Not that it's done intentionally but sometimes my boy gets over excited and hurts other children during play. I partly blame the face painting activity at children's parties. He loves having his face painted as Spiderman or The Hulk. The safe bet is Spiderman. As Spidey, he'll run about, weaving in and out of the midget-like partygoers. Occasionally he'll extend his arms to weave webs or to pull fair maidens to their safety, but The Hulk... now, that green motha' is for destruction. After leaving the third party in a row, early, due to tears of another child by the hands of the hulk, we had a long discussion about what kind of behaviour is acceptable and expected of a guest. He took it on board and came up with the idea of a time-out. If either one of us thinks he's working himself up in to a frenzy... time-out.
Saturday 11th September 2004 - Jacobs party at Brewster's (he's a man trapped in a bear suit, for an hour, at least.)
We arrive on time and make our way through to the back of the family pub where Brewster bears funhouse is. The kids are in their element, swinging from ropes, coming head first down the slides, crawling through nets and lobbing hollow plastic balls. After ten minutes I spy my son at the back of the play area receiving a knuckle rub to the head courtesy of a 4' ginger-ninja. Unbeknown to the little guy that was trying to inflict pain upon my boy, my son thrives on rough play. I continued to watch them enjoying being roughed up by one another. With my son occupied it seemed like the perfect opportunity to get a drink from the bar. On my way back to the funhouse area I could hear the deep growls of my boy. My heart sank. I prepared myself for oncoming comments from other parents and their dirty looks. However, I was relieved to find my boy sat in the corner growling to himself, the other parents oblivious to his war cries. On closer inspection I noticed what could only be described as snot, smeared over the left side of Patrick's face. I asked him why he hadn't blown his nose in tissue. He told me that the ginger-ninja had sneezed into his hands, afterwards wiping the residue on his face. I cleaned his face up and he continued to play.
A short while later the kids were called to be seated for their meal and to sing Happy Birthday to Jacob. As Patrick was tucking into his pizza slice I spotted the ginger coming up behind him from the left, as he rushed passed, he punched paddy in the back causing him to choke a little. After a few gulps of lemonade my boy composed himself. He was getting pissed with the ninja now and I couldn't blame him, he was indeed an annoying little fuck. As the kids were finishing their last bites of food the giner-ninja appeared again, this time pouring a drink down the front of my boy's jeans. A roar of laughter filled the room. Patrick made his way over to me, his face red with rage.
"Mom, look at me, it looks like I've had an accident"
"Don't worry about it Pad. You'll dry off."
"I don't want to play with that kid anymore. He plays rough as well as dirty."
"Well, you've done us both proud today, you've not used those heavy hands... go play with the other children"
"I've tried to but this kid just won't leave me alone"
No sooner had he said those words the ninja appeared again and sucker punched him in the nape of his neck.
"That nasty shi..."
"Patrick!"
"Please mom, can I have my face painted?"
In retrospect this would've been a good time to use our time-out policy.
"I suppose this is as good a time as any for the hulk to make an appearance... go for it son"
I watched as mini hulk stormed over to the ball pit where the ginger-ninja was roughing up another smaller child. I didn't see the ninja again after that... I wonder what happened to him...
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-19 08:05:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm tagged safely!?
They should make prisoners who are released into the community with radio tags wear the same thing.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He has to wear that when leaving the house.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 06:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for "I'm tagged safely"
Submitted by your_brown_eyed_girl (user info) at 2004-12-13 22:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cute
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-11 05:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY MOLY! A positive rating off of Hairycoo.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Please excuse my moment of madness. I wasn't giving myself a +2, that last one was for my little man.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:26:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He kicks more arse now than I ever will.
Oh... and Stin, I love you more. B¬p
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your son kicks arse almost as much as his mother.
Love ya hon.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-09 04:46:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YES YOU CAN!!!
Ahh fuck! I read that as "nice, can I cum on your back after fucking your face?"
My dyslexia is apparent today, huh?!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-09 04:28:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
nice come back fuck face!
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-09 04:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo, anything for you...
But hey, keep your rear end well covered. Knowing my boy, he'll try to tear you a new arsehole.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-09 03:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wacky Warehouses are devils establishments.
Cute boy. Can I have a go of him?
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-08 03:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"a pub with a playroom in back! How convenient is THAT!!! You English are either really psychotic, or really brilliant!"
I'm brilliantly psychotic...
minus the brilliant.
Submitted by Da_Blonde_Cajun (user info) at 2004-12-07 15:44:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome story...cute kid.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2004-12-07 14:57:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-12-07 14:10:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe...
a pub with a playroom in back! How convenient is THAT!!! You English are either really psychotic, or really brilliant!
---
Exactly what I was thinking. Brits rock! Great story.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-12-07 14:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe...
a pub with a playroom in back! How convenient is THAT!!! You English are either really psychotic, or really brilliant!
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-07 13:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AAE, he's the spitting image of his mother, lucky sod.
As for hitting his dates, that won't happen... he won't be dating, he's my only child. I'm keeping him all to myself.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-12-07 12:55:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed out loud.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-07 11:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-12-07 08:07:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
For half the story I was wondering what the fuck a "ginger ninja" was. Is this a normal term wherever you are for a redhead sucker-punchin' little fuck?
___
It is indeed. I blame his parents...
for his carrot-top, obviously.
B¬)
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-12-07 11:50:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your kid is going to be gorgeous when he gets older.
Provided he can control the fury within and not beat up his dates while wearing green facepaint. That would probably put a damper on any potential steady girlfriends.
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-12-07 11:07:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that rulez...your a good mom
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-12-07 10:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2004-12-07 10:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's with the vest?
In the good ole days, we didn't have vests. Hell, sometimes you didn't even take the right kid home at the end of the party. People usually tried to take the birthday kid because with all those new presents his greed would be satisfied for a little while.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-07 09:58:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kids=Awesome.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2004-12-07 09:17:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That last picture should feature in the next Owned Montage.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-07 09:12:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ahhh. Awesome.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-07 08:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha! Cute kid.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-12-07 08:12:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your son.... is awesome.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-12-07 08:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For half the story I was wondering what the fuck a "ginger ninja" was. Is this a normal term wherever you are for a redhead sucker-punchin' little fuck?
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2004-12-07 07:35:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shar (user info) at 2004-12-07 07:12:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-12-07 06:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for dicking on bully kids. It's always the ginger ones... They're hard done by as soon as daddy gets his rocks off.
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-12-07 06:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Would have been better if it were Hulk Hogan. Seriously, teach your kid how to "Hulk up."
oh, and say his prayers, train hard, and eat his vitamins
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-12-07 06:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment