The holidays can suck Grandma Puddin's saggy titties. (1646 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Grandma Puddin' (View user info) at 2004-12-08 00:47:31 EST
Grandma Puddin' really doesn't know what to do with these holidays. I retired several years ago and sit on my fat ass all year round. This holiday season has brought me nothing but greef. Believe me, I've tried to find the holiday spirit.
When I'm babysitting the grand-babies, I like to pick them up and dance around with them. Grandma Puddin' can't see very well, but she later found out that she was dancing with one of her cats. I thought my grandson was a little furry. I just figured he was wearing the sweater I got him.
When I don't have the grandkids around, I get depressed. I try to get out, but that damned Scooter won't let me go too far. When I told those fuckers at the Scooter Store to give me a scooter with 4 wheel drive option, I mean it. You won't believe how many times I've had to pull the damned thing out of the mud.
I spend the rest of my time donating. Grandma Puddin' might be cold at heart, but she still likes to give back to the community. When I'm not donating bread to the local pigeons, I'm hanging out with the local nig.. I mean nig.. I mean nig.. I mean nig... I mean poor kids. We have fun, Grandma likes to hang out with them in their little groups. They prefer to be called "gangs" or "Crips" or something. The little dearies are so cute, they call me Flava' Puddin'. Sometimes they get involved in hilarious hootinanigans like mugging older white people.
Sometimes I join in. You should see the look in some of these old hags faces when 86 year old Grandma Puddin' runs up and grabs their purse and takes off.
Last week, though, Grandma got into a little bit of trouble. The local kids I had been spending time with decided they wanted to rob a bank. I was outside the bank in the getaway car while they went in and did their thing. They came running out and jumped in the back and I took off.
We would have gotten away if the damn battery wouldn't have died on the stupid scooter.
I knew I was caught when an officer walked up beside me while I was driving as fast as I could down the sidewalk with the kids hanging off the back of my scooter.
So fuck you scooter store. Grandma wants a kickass Scooter with a Nos option and 4 wheel drive capability. Oh, and my little "homies" want so 10's in the back, whatever that is.
In conclusion, the holidays can suck Grandma Puddin's cock. Fuck the holiday spirit.
I never let the holiday spirit grow in the first place. As soon as I sense any feeling of compassion of the holiday spirit, I punch myself in the face or have a Vietnamese broad kick me in the groin.
Here's a picture of me and my newborn grandson. Isn't he just adorable??
User Reviews
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-01-16 21:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:52:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-11-28 22:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking gave me a huge boner.
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NoahsArk (user info) at 2004-12-20 20:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grandma Puddin' probbly the best uber ever
Submitted by Xena (user info) at 2004-12-08 16:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
!!!!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-08 15:13:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you Gramma
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-12-08 11:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This shtick used to be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay funnier ?
What happened GMP ? Where's the old GMP ??
BRING HER BACK!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-08 10:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Both my grammas are dead, will you be my new gramma?
"We would have gotten away if the damn battery wouldn't have died on the stupid scooter. "
That could be a signature e-mail line, ya know...
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-08 09:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahaha!
Sidebar: Where do you get all those pics of old ladies holding pets? Is there a fetish site or something?
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-12-08 09:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you grandma!
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-12-08 06:26:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-12-08 06:12:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
you're crazy man... you're crazy
--------
Why the hell did I just laugh at this review?
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-12-08 06:12:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're crazy man... you're crazy
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-12-08 05:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grandma... Have you no decency?? COVER THOSE LEGS UP!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-12-08 05:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grief.
Submitted by arcane (user info) at 2004-12-08 04:50:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Old people can get away with anything. Whos going to arrest an old person. If you get caught stealing they just take it away and assume your senile. And if you are senile it only sweetens the deal.
Submitted by Grandma_Puddin (user info) at 2004-12-08 02:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You sugas need a grandma's advice? Talk to grandma Puddin' on aim: uber puddin
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-08 02:23:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish my grandma was as awesome as you.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-12-08 01:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The fact that Grandma Puddin has a cock worries me just a little.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-12-08 01:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See you at Christmas, grandma.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-12-08 00:59:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What is darko talking about?
Submitted by Grandma_Puddin (user info) at 2004-12-08 00:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Grandma Puddin's been retired for 30 years, dearie.
You have something on your face, let me get that.
There ya go!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-08 00:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So when you said you were retiring, you really meant you were gonna start posting as grandma puddin for a while? Works for me.