The Ultimate Ubercontest/Poll To End All UberContests/Polls (876 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.48 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TimeCop (View user info) at 2004-12-08 05:08:08 EST
Here it is, ladies and gentlemen: the Ultimate Uber Contest/Poll To End All Polls! No contest/poll will ever be able to top this amazing feat of mankind.
Scientists and their scantily-clad assistants are standing by to make sure the earth does not explode. The EPA is already extolling the virtues of this contest, which is single-handily chowing down on CFCs and shitting ozone. This contest/poll has already been nominated for three Oscars, including Best Screenplay and Best Sound Editing.
Step 1: Get out your cell phone.
Step 2: Call your mother and tell her to start sending you child support for the grandchildren she wanted.
Step 3: In a review for this post, tell me what you think about an issue that everyone here should have a one-side opinion on, even if this issue hardly affects you. Also, this is an issue you have no control over. You will find this issue below in the "issue" section.
Step 4: You will find a picture at the end of this article which is cleverly photo-shopped to include prominent (or the easiest to get a picture of quickly from the Uberdirectory 3 sign-up) members of Ubersite. Give the picture a funny caption by submitting another review. In this review, leave me your pin number and power of attorney.
Step 5: Call my cell phone (678-677-5998) and leave your Ubersite name, along with the code number of your last review. Tell me what your favorite Ubersite message of all time is. Cough violently and say "I don't know who this is! Prank call! Prank call!"
Step 6: If you are claiming yourself as a dependent, put an x mark (X) in space AA23 of page two and go to section F.
Step 7: Lie about the biggest lie you've ever told.
Step 8: Download some pornography and wait for the results. If you need help finding some, ask anyone with a bottle of lotion right next to their computer. They'll point you in the right direction.
Now that you know what you're getting into, how 'bout some prizes?!?!?!?
1st prize: +2 on your next 5 posts, +5 on your next 2 posts, a photo op with the Pope*, and a slightly-used Honda gasoline-powered generator left over from Y2K.
2nd Prize: +1 on your next 5 posts, an advanced screening of Star Wars Episode III*, and a $20 gift certificate to Long Horn Steakhouse.
3rd Prize: I will probably NOT -2 your next post.
Everyone else: -2 for life. Every post. Even the good ones.
So let's get started! Choose an issue:
1) The electoral college should be banned from American soil, then castrated so they can't breed a master race to come back and conquer America.
2) The media is completely liberal/conservative, and always hates my candidate for president.
3) The Statue of Liberty is way to big. Put her on Atkins.
4) There is an Uber Elite that controls everything, even the air you breath. They even control the thoughts in your head. Also, they are responsible for every major disaster known to man.
Here's your photo-shopped picture! Send in your caption!
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-01-28 18:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't get it?
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-01-28 17:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-08 08:35:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
SHNARF
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Thundercats, ho!!!!
And that's not an insult, it's just my mating call.
Okay, who here is confident enough to admit they
jerked off to Cheetara when they were in high school?
Be honest.
Ah, the innocent days before Legend of the Overfiend
and anime bestiality.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-01-28 17:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey man, can you spare any change?
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-28 17:06:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
g-prime: It was basically a rant on the sheer volume of ubercontests that were going on at the time. Picture captions were big at the time. Also, someone had taken a photo of a group of men in a bathtub and had circled the faces of people who looked like writers on Uber.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-01-27 19:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get it...
Also, penis penis penis penis penis penis PENIS.
I have recently discovered that PENIS is one of the funniest words in the English language. If you ask anybody if they know what the funniest word is, they will answer no. You will say "Penis." they will blow snot, pepsi or piss out of their nose.
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2005-01-27 19:34:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This contest is teh sex
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-12-08 15:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-12-08 13:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmm Thats good satire.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-12-08 11:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-12-08 10:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. This was funny. Too bad I hate ubersite with all my heart.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-12-08 10:37:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-08 10:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too tired to even try and be the first sarcastic fuck to actually fill it out.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-12-08 10:18:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
issue- why can't pitchers hit in baseball.
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Sandler-Hey Monarch I'll give you a quarter to get me outta here
Monarch-Shutup! I'm busy impressing Isabella, Look Isabella I'm a dog I'mlicking my balls!
PMJ- No NO look at me I'm standing on my third leg...
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On a side note... Jupiter's sixth moon is falling...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-08 10:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Too many rules in this contest. Shlongy doesn't like to be told what to do.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-08 09:58:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like lizards.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-08 09:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My issue:
Why is water wet? It would be way more fun to swim in if you didn't have to dry off when you got out.
WTF!!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-08 08:35:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SHNARF
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-12-08 08:14:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for getting this review earns you a +2, funniest I have ever seen.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-12-08 05:51:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude what the fuck?
Did you just drop a THC-laced E on top of a shroom, washed down with peyote disolved in acid?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-12-08 08:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I managed to hold it in until Step 6.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-12-08 07:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1 -A
2 - C
3 - C
4 - All of the above
5 - Al Bundy
Issue - My ass is poopy ass
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-12-08 07:23:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-12-08 06:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
literally the best comment i have ever seen:
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-12-08 05:51:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude what the fuck?
Did you just drop a THC-laced E on top of a shroom, washed down with peyote disolved in acid?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-12-08 05:51:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude what the fuck?
Did you just drop a THC-laced E on top of a shroom, washed down with peyote disolved in acid?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-12-08 05:15:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahaha