How the Grinch Stole Virginity (4584 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.54 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Chronicles of College Guy (View user info) at 2004-12-08 19:58:38 EST
HOW THE GRINCH WHO STOLE VIRGINITY
By Sam I Am
As Cindylywho slept in her bed,
She felt something stroking the top of her head.
With an awful fright, she jumped into the air.
What did she find? Saint Nick standing there!
"Hello," said the Grinch, disguised as Kris Kringle.
"I woke you to show you the present I bring you."
"Oh joy!" Cindylouwho yelled, filled with delight.
How she very much loved Christmas Eve night.
"What is the present?" Cindylou asked.
"Does it need batteries or sunlight or gas?"
"No," said the Grinch. "It needs none of those things."
And Cindylou wondered if the present were diamond rings.
"It's green," said the Grinch. "And hairy too.
"If you play with it long, it will shoot out some goo.
"It's very long and it's as hard as a rock.
"The present, my dear, is Santa's own cock!"
The Grinch let loose his plus-sized penis.
Of the dicks in the world, surely it was the greenest.
There it was, pulsating in the open breeze.
If it weren't erect, it would have gone down to his knees.
Cindylouwho's eyes opened wide.
She looked at the dick and wanted to ride.
It was so shiny, yet dirty, and so very big.
The only other she'd seen was her brother's—a twig.
"Oh, Christmas miracle!" Cindylou gasped.
"How I would love this thing up my ass.
"It's so big, Santa! How can it be?
"Oh, please, please, Santa. Stick it in me!"
The Grinch's little smirk became a big smile.
He'd been waiting for this moment for quite a while.
This little virgin, this little slut,
Was about to get a face full of busted-Grinch-nut.
Bending over, Cindylou took off her panties.
She was going to have a story for her uncles and anties.
What a great thing for Santa to do;
To fuck her like a beast inside a zoo.
The Grinch looked down at Cindylou's hole,
It was tiny and pink and ready for pole.
With a thrust and some pain, he made his way in.
Cindy felt wrapped in the pleasure of sin.
As the giant dick plunged deep into her twat,
Cindylou said, "It feels good and yet it does not.
"My pussy is so small and so very tight.
"Your dick's big and green; I'm tiny and white."
Then the Grinch shouted, "Shut up, you bitch!
"You've waited long for me to scratch this vaginal itch.
"Now here I come, down inside of you.
"Oh, you little whore, beg for my goo!"
"I beg! I beg!" cried Cindylouwho.
"Please, Santa Claus, fill me with goo!"
And in and out, went the big cock,
And Cindylou started to moan, whimper, and bawk.
Inside of the girl, the penis drilled deep.
And to think, moments ago she had been asleep.
How she loved this feeling of humping Saint Nick.
How she loved the feeling of being invaded by dick.
"Cum on my face," Cindylou said.
"Spray your goo all over my head!"
"You'd like that, slut?" asked the green Grinch.
"Fine then, whore! It's a real cinch."
And after a moment, the dick was ripped out,
And just as soon, it started to spout.
Out came a glorious shower of chowder,
Cindylou squealed and the Grinch howled louder.
Over the girl's virginal cheeks
Came a bath of semen, built up for weeks.
The white-hot manna gushed down her face.
Cindylou felt like the luckiest of the whole Who race.
"Thank you, Santa," Cindylou said,
As the semen dripped off her head.
"Twas no problem," said the Grinch.
"Now bend over again! I'm not done with you, bitch!"
And into her ass plunged the great cock.
It drilled so deep that she went into shock.
Then the Grinch came again, all over her snout.
"Yes," yelled the Grinch. "This is what Christmas is about."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FOR COLLEGE-GUY FANS:
On my 50th Post, I will be answering questions from my fans on personal issues. I am looking for really good "Dear Abby" questions for me, The College-Guy, to answer.
So, all my fans—Chinaski, Someone, Krista, Durel, Zakalwe, King HFB, etc.—and anyone else interested, please send me questions at:
Sparky19852.at.yahoo.com
The good ones will get posted. Sarcastic jackass emails will be deleted. Thanks a lot, gang!
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
**********************************************
THE CHRONICLES OF COLLEGE-GUY
**********************************************
SEASON ONE - "Introduction to College-Guy"
Episodes 1 through 11 (September 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52904
SEASON TWO - "The Death of College-Guy"
Episodes 12 through 22 (October 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52905
SEASON THREE - "The Banishment of College-Guy"
Episodes 23 through 28 (November 2004, Part I) http://www.ubersite.com/m/52906
SEASON FOUR - "The Trials of College-Guy"
Episodes 29 through 37 (November 2004, Part II) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53090
SEASON FIVE - "A Complete Idiot's Guide to College-Guy"
Episode 38- "My Secret Admirer" (Dec. 1, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53091
Episode 39- "A Night with the Ninja Turtles" (Dec. 4, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53417
Episode 40- "A Few Great Legal Drugs" (Dec. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53453
Episode 41- "Lesbians Galore" (Dec. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53456
Episode 42- "My Favorite Day of the Week: BPS" (Dec. 5, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53472
Episode 43- "In Honor of MY Hero" (Dec. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53587
Episode 44- "A Regular Day for the College-Guy" (Dec. 6, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53617
Episode 45- "The Return of the College-Guy" (Dec. 7, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53636
Episode 46- "The Anthem of Leather Jackets" (Dec. 7, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53655
Episode 47- "Me versus a Girl Cop" (Dec. 8, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53788
Episode 48- "How the Grinch Stole Viginity" (Dec. 8, 2004) YOU'RE HERE!
User Reviews
Submitted by MrRottenTreats (user info) at 2005-03-16 06:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had read 3/4 of it before I realized it rhymed.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-03-16 05:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
(From: http://www.ubersite.com/m/55335)
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2005-03-13 01:33:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
This would have been great, had you not ripped off my idea from a few weeks earlier.
Episode 48- "How the Grinch Stole Virginity" (Dec. 8, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53820
_____________
A) Mine was nothing like this.
B) I never saw this. Sorry.
C) Smutty poetry is not exactly original and if you want get fucking technical on which one of us did it first:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/35721
D) This was really fucking bad. Your rhyming scheme and meter are so far off it's ludicrous. Fucking pretentious hack.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sick-tastic.
The best part is that I could actually picture this happening.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2004-12-09 02:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stories are awesome but disturbing.. Just disturbing enough to make me want to read more. Great work.
Submitted by PrettyBondage (user info) at 2004-12-08 23:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
lovely. very creative..
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2004-12-08 22:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You had one line which had me leaning positive: "a face full of busted-Grinch-nut. "
Definitely a highlight. Unfortunately, tinactin is right. "I have a following. People love me. How dare you gay-ass losers not like me?!?!"
Get over yourself. You have written 48 twisted, mediocre stories. Whoop-de-motherfucking-doo.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-12-08 22:58:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I realize that I lot of people hate the episode system, so I guess I'll have to find some way to alter it. Thanks for the input."
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=12043
That works just fine, man.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-12-08 22:54:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the top ten uber posts of all time!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-08 22:45:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thank GOD Tinactin is smarter than both of us put together....
WHAT HE SAID, fucktard!
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-08 21:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I appreciate your honesty man. The simple fact of the matter is that, being a sociopath, I can't help but be full of myself. With that said, I honestly do have a following. Read Steve's comment. It shows that a lot of people do like what I do.
I realize that I lot of people hate the episode system, so I guess I'll have to find some way to alter it. Thanks for the input.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-12-08 21:26:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, there are several reasons someone might give this a negative two.
It could be because they feel your post is very derivative of one of the most read posts of all time, Ryan Donovan's Dr. Seuss post. http://www.ubersite.com/m/1838 You can also find this post if you look under the subheading to your left, entitled "most viewed messages".
Someone could -2 you because you make continuous references to your "fans", to the extent that you're giving advance notice for people to email you their questions for a future post, as if you're Quentin Tarantino doing a Q&A.
A person might -2 you because you feel self-important enough to break your posts down into episodic installments, with a warning about how they are designed for a clinical sociopath (even though plenty of them. Complete with multiple links to other posts, even though they have no bearing on this one.
That being said, I was all ready to give you a +2 because it was moderately entertaining. Until I saw the reviews.
"Fuck you, ihateidiots! I have a fucking following on this site. Do you? I think not. Fuck off all of you. Apparently I posted this during a butt-fucking convention."
A following? Who the hell are you trying to kid? You have 32,000 hits and a .29 average. Why are you taking yourself so seriously?
"Kai, I don't even want to debate this with you. You're obviously just jealous and you wish that you were as creative as me. Why don't you just go and post some more X-Men pics, buddy?"
I don't even know Kai, but something tells me he isn't sitting around wishing he could be as creative as you. Are you going to say the same thing for me? Where's your following, Tinactin? How come you cant be as good as me? It's just a -2, guy, get over it.
That being said, you still get a 0 because the post was enjoyable.
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-08 21:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the kind words, Steve. You're a good friend (and Kai is a faggot).
Submitted by stevendurel (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:59:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whether this is sick or not, I hate Kai. I wrote one bad review and he went and attacked me. He's obviously just a cranky little teenager who's staying up past his bedtime and going after everyone.
I don't like pedophilia (no one does) but you never actually said how old the girl was. I assumed she was at the age of consent.
Sam, don't listen to Kai. I'm sure you have a lot more fans than he does. You know you do.
Remember, Sam:
Kre8rix: "I should mention that I love the series. I really am a fan and it saddens me that you feel like you need to leave because of a couple jerk-offs. Have some faith that your work is appreciated by a few. It the masses that make things hard for the rest of us. Please, continue for the rest of us."
Will72: "I thought you were the best author and voice [on Uber]."
Jeanee: "Your stories are awesome, if a bit disturbing. You are definitely one of my favorite writers on this site."
Someone: "Dude, keep writing and stop paying attention to internet tools. Seriously, why the fuck do you care what these people think, seeing as you are supposed to be a sociopath. Just ignore them and keep doing your thing, making shit like this post is stooping to their level."
Kai is an idiot and I'm sure more people like you than him.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:55:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
har har peener!
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kai, I don't even want to debate this with you. You're obviously just jealous and you wish that you were as creative as me. Why don't you just go and post some more X-Men pics, buddy?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yeah, "my following" can kill "your following" in about 2 seconds flat. Hahahahaha!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Fuck you, ihateidiots! I have a fucking following on this site. Do you? I think not. Fuck off all of you. Apparently I posted this during a butt-fucking convention. "
Possibly the most pathetic thing I have ever read on Ubersite. Maybe you should go to the mall w/ Fetish & take pictures of underage girls & dream about having sex woth them too.
A following? hahahaha! Noone follows you except for all the teenage boys you intentionally try to fascinate with "taboo" garbage like this. So fuck off & die, you are deluded and you suck, pedophile!!
The fact that you are so damned sensitive makes this even more hilarious. I await your lamest retalliation yet! What a joke! hahaha!
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i don't know why, but i liked it. keep up the .... *good?* work?
Submitted by stevendurel (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:16:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:15:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Brilliant, albeit sick.
You probably would have gotten a positive rating if you weren't notorious for multiple-posts-per-day.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
best children's story EVAR
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well...it didn't really follow a form. But...
Submitted by lovetohate (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:12:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You sick motherfucker.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
-2 because this is kiddy porn, +3 for giving me a boner.
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:11:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck you, ihateidiots! I have a fucking following on this site. Do you? I think not. Fuck off all of you. Apparently I posted this during a butt-fucking convention.
Thank you everyone who has a sense of humor. The rest of you can fucking eat eachothers dicks.
Submitted by ihateidiots (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:10:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Because you're a goof, hitwhore, pedophile and noone wants to read your shit. The fact you post links to your other garbage is proof that you're desprately seeking attention, and the content of your posts proves you are a fucking idiot. And I hate idiots.
-2 DIE
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought it was funny as hell
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:02:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny
---
I know it is! Why the fuck are all these gay-ass losers rating it poorly?
Submitted by MrPresident (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:02:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-08 20:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT!!!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-08 19:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
first in to tell you you suck! Yay!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-08 19:59:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck