An orangutan and I gangbanged a Chinese princess (3424 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by gingerman (View user info) at 2004-12-09 07:59:17 EST
A few years ago I was teaching English in Taiwan. One of my students was a military chap, Peng, a shy man who knew English quite well but was too embarrassed to speak it. He had already tried several tutors - brash young Americans - without success.
My gentle Aussie charm soothed his fears and he was now speaking well enough to go on a mysterious but apparently very important visit to the States.
He was ecstatic about this success and invited me to dinner as the guest of honour. I arrived already primed with five or six beers, and was surprised to find that his house was actually an opulent mansion. A servant led me to a gracious Chinese-style sitting room where Peng was waiting for me.
He offered me Fosters beer, which I dislike, but accepted out of politeness as he had obviously provided it for my benefit. I expressed admiration for his magnificent residence. In his pleasantly gentle manner he explained that his wife's family was very wealthy. Apparently she had royal blood or something.
Several beers later she joined us. Hsio Ming was a foxy looking little princess, in a short skirt. I wasn't sure if it was the beers or not, but she seemed a bit shocked when she first saw me, and then seemed to keep glancing at me with an odd expression in her dark eyes.
Several other guests joined us and we adjourned to a fancy dining room. The meal was extraordinary, the greatest Chinese banquet I've ever had. Course after course came and went. Hsio Ming, who sat to my left, constantly plied me with Gao Liang, an overproof white spirit that I had previously found undrinkable. But this stuff was 500 bucks a bottle (the Chinese are very direct about their ostentation) and was as delectable as the cunt juice of an angel. As I gulped it down, I couldn't help wondering about Hsio Ming's cunt juices.
All the guests were speaking in Mandarin. The booze made me bold and I managed to crack a few lewd jokes which impressed them all. But after a while the effort of trying to follow that strange, elegantly barbaric language became too much, and I just drifted along getting drunker and drunker.
Hsio Ming was getting tipsy too and quite flirtatious. She gave my ginger beard a tweak, giggled, and whispered in my ear "wor ai hong mao ho dz"
'Wor ai' means 'I love', 'hong mao' sounded like 'red fur', but I couldn't think what 'ho dz' meant. Perhaps it was something to do with pubic hair? Taiwanese floosies were often fascinated by my red pubes, having never met a natural redheaded man before. Whatever the case, she obviously fancied me.
Peng was by this stage drunker than me. Earlier on he'd blurted out to everyone that his secret mission to America was actually to buy military items, under the table, without mainland China knowing. I glanced over and saw that he was now deep in some kind of blubbery heart to heart with another drunk chap.
Hsio Ming took my hand and stood up, announcing to the table what sounded like "I am going to take him to see my red fur ho dz". This didn't seem to bother anyone, so I lurchingly followed her out of the room and down many different corridors until we came to a large wooden door.
Before she opened it, she pressed up close to me, rubbing her cunt against my thigh, looking up at me with dark eyes full of wonder and desire, and said "the first moment I saw you I knew I had to fuck you, you are the most beautiful red fur ho dz I've ever seen!"
We kissed carnally, the cunt rubbing deepened, I squeezed her soft arse, and almost came in my pants. Before that could happen, she broke free and opened the door.
We stepped into a courtyard, in the centre of which was a very large cage. In the cage, sitting in a tree, was an orangutan. Seeing us, he swung down to the ground and loped over to the bars of the cage, an expectant look on his face. Hsiao Ming opened a gate and he passed through it.
I now remembered that ho dz meant 'ape'. 'Red fur ho dz', it could now safely be assumed, meant orangutan.
"You are like brothers" Hsio Ming beamed at me, her face flushed with excitement "Both so beautiful. But there is one problem with Bobo, he's a bit small".
She gestured between Bobo's legs and I saw a bright red lipstick protruding. It appeared to be an erect penis, but it was only about two inches long.
Despite the oddness of my circumstances, I couldn't help feeling a rush of pleasure and pride. My six inches, about which I had sometimes felt shortchanged, apparently made me the John Holms of the orangutan world.
"Bobo is great for anal sex" Hsio Ming continued, "but doesn't really satisfy my pussy". This I understood clearly; my bedroom Chinese was sound. "I've always dreamed of doing two orangutans at once, but I've never been able to find one with a bigger cock."
I was drunk, but I could see where this was leading.
I've never had a two-man threesome - it is too close to homosexuality for comfort. Bobo could hardly be considered a man, but he was male. What to do?
Not much further thought on the subject was needed though, because Hsiao Ming stepped out of her black panties and pushed them against my face. They were moist and the smell of her cunt juice was better even than I had imagined. She unzipped me and I was as engorged as I've ever been - closer to seven inches than six I mused and couldn't resist glancing over at Bobo to see if he was at all crestfallen.
He betrayed no signs of anxiety re the size of his paltry genitalia. On the contrary, he was moving into position behind Hsio Ming with alacrity.
She bent over to suck me, arse in the air, skirt over her hips. Bobo thrust into her anus. This caused Hsio Ming's body to spasm and her mouth and throat to gulp in an uncontrolled manner, in turn causing me to shoot my load into her mouth. At the exact moment of my orgasm I inadvertently made eye contact with Bobo, and, I'm a bit ashamed to admit, felt a strange kind of sexual connection with him.
After a brief pause for recovery, during which Hsio Ming and I made ludicrous small talk, I slid my John-Holmes-for-a-day cock into her sweet little pussy. Bobo was again working the back door, so the Chinese princess had finally achieved her dream of anal-vaginal-double-hong-mao-ho-dz- penetration.
I had carefully orchestrated our position so that my face was buried in Hsio Ming's creamy bosom, a nipple in my mouth, thus eliminating the danger of any further embarrassing eye contact with Bobo.
Everyone was happy.
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88684
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-11-28 22:44:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best thing I've ever read.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-13 09:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WELL HWERE ARE YOU CUNT HEAD, I HAVEN'T GOT ALL NIGHT
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-13 09:31:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i await an audience your majesty.
i have pot of scat ready.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-13 09:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
actually, i wanted to talk to you on messenger about that
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-13 09:08:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
finally got a digi cam eh?
the women of taiwan i assume will be winging their way through the ether to me then?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-13 08:48:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
as a matter of fact, i have a secret weapon in my baw campaign arsenal
it involves stupendous usage of dog, deer, snake and ox penises, in dessicated form.
once i'm sober enough to operate my digi cam all will be revealed
should rise immediately to baw and then most viewed message (in history of world)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-13 08:41:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the man has finally tipped off the edge, no good can come from his lapse into total insanity.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-13 08:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, yes, that should read "apullo's ENTIRE LIFE was spent pumpimg out generic bored at work posts, untill by incredible good luck (which he scarcely recogised or understood) he was accepted as an apprentic in Shandythedog's stable"
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-13 08:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MY ENTIRE LIFE???
Oh the arrogance of the man! The arrogance!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-13 08:34:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not finished yet you cunt!
you've spent you're entire life pumping out generic bored at work posts, i've ONLY JUST BEGUN!
i've spent the last 72 hours readimg every bored at work post, and all bart's posts and comments
VICTORY WILL BE MINE!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-13 06:31:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pah! apollo tries a generic crappy B@w post and what happens? b@w.
shandy tries it and what happens? nowt.
this just proves that I am the master.
oh and by the way <ejaculates>
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-10 16:53:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
I had to look into your user info because you changed your external name, you cunt.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2004-12-09 21:43:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sweet dancing waters of the Byzantine!
I'm gonna go drink tequila from the bottle.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-09 21:24:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
actually, to be honest, this was an attempt to combine the unique magic of shandyism with the baw formula.
i might devote myself to this form from now on
it would make as much sense as anyting else i fucking do!
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-12-09 20:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-12-09 12:26:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
another stroke of genius slides by unnoticed.
------------------------
This is probably the only thing you've ever written that has the kind of content to get on B@W, but I'm sure it will slide under the radar. Of course, getting on B@W would just make you a sellout.
btw...tell your friend to find a nice miniature horse. There are some with reddish hair, and their genitalia can be quite astounding.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-12-09 13:06:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
niiiice.
first new STD post that i have gotten around to in a while. im going now to look at the rest.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-12-09 12:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-12-09 12:39:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Asian chicks.
And this should be on B@W
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2004-12-09 12:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thanks, now I can't get up to get more coffee.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-12-09 12:26:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
another stroke of genius slides by unnoticed.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-12-09 10:09:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You lose half a point for telling us how bog your wang was. You cannot be allowed a full +2 while doing that. It's like condining that kind of behaviour. We don't want an epidemic of "MY 4 INCH CLIT-TICKLER WAS HARD AS AN ESKIMO'S... ERM... CLIT TICKLER!", do we?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-12-09 10:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude. That was hardcore.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:56:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's so wrong that this made me horny
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
notes - peng is impotent?
hsiao ming's orangutan rooting somewhat misplaced?
"I WANT YOUR BABY" she screamed as she realised her cervix was gulping madly at the freshly delivered human jism inside her cunt?
the call of nature?
the genetics of genital size?
are the blacks or the chinks more monkey like?
hard to say.
of all the primate genitalia, black humans have the biggest, then white humans, then chinks, then chimpanzees.
chimps are promiscous, but what are the socio sexual arrangements of the orangutan?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:34:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought for sure the title was going to turn out to be a description of something else entirely, like martial arts moves or something. But nope, it was a totally accurate description of what happened.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
note: mention bobo's paws/hands on her bottom, just prior to orgasm, leathery but human, reminiscnent of the hands of an old wog who has done lots of gardening and rooting aorund in vege patch
black rather than dark eyes for hsio ming
describe boboa bit more? his sad brown eyes?
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:55:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for doin' it like they do on the discovery channel....
Y'know, like, all furry and with monkeys 'n' shit.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lemme put it this way; Jasmin lookalikes are so hot, i'd let them penetrate ME.
Hmmmmm. Monkey sex.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:46:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:30:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what to say.
Submitted by landyuk (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This actually gave me a semi!
Is this true or not?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
btw drky, i tried to reply to your email while i was in the public library, but have got messages saying it's delayed or something.
Submitted by Fr057m0urn3 (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:18:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please please please pleasseeeeeee tell me this is NOT shenanigans...
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
could have been better? really? i thought it was a masterpiece, the apex!
but maybe that potential has not been realised?????
maybe i should write a novel aobut this!
Submitted by matchoo (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:17:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY MONKEY FUCK!!!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was good. But it could have been so much better.
Submitted by drky (user info) at 2004-12-09 08:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I too once slept with an orangutang.