Vegas (799 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.96 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by creep_firebombing (View user info) at 2004-12-09 09:10:20 EST
With four days off ahead of us we finished up work and went back to our cave to sleep. The plan was to leave at midnight, get to the hotel first thing in the morning, check-in, and sleep away the desert heat. It was a good plan too, except that with us, a plan is a list of things that don't happen.
Today, years later, I realize something very important. Driving from San Diego to Las Vegas in the dead of night is a spiritual journey. If timed correctly with the proper state of mind it'll open your eyes to that which is truly lovely.
Wake at midnight in the deep urban sprawl. Prepare for your quest with coffee, a road map, gummi bears, and hi-octane. Set out on a road to the unknown. With every mile the old you washes away. The darkest of nights in the city gives way to the brightest of stars and moonlit vineyards. The sweet smell of damp plowed earth strips the smog from your mind. Sleep a little while your comrade mans the wheel. Wake to find the sky brightening and the grass turning brown and infrequent. Take the wheel. Let your brother in arms dream a little while the soil turns to rock and sand and cliffs and quarries. Drive on and breathe in the silence. Thoughts of what it would be like being rich and what you will do when you can finally go home. Not home to the cave, but home home. To lay in your own bed and play by your own rules, but that's not right now. Right now the sun is rising and gentle hues of purple and blood red dance on the mountains far away in the distance. Your very best friend wakes to the brightest of blue skies and Joshua trees hugging the edge of the road. Time for breakfast.
You noticed less and less cars around you even though the day was just beginning and this little roadside diner is almost too stereotypical to be real. I mean, come on. An Indian family (feathers, not dots) huddled in the corner booth. Three tooth rednecks chain-smoking with their dirty faced little children on their laps. Truckers greasy from hours spent sweating in vinyl seat in the Mojave desert without a prayer of a shower to come at least until Colorado. Everyone with a heart-wrenchingly forlorn look that can only come from living poor in a trailer in a desolate wasteland.
"Eat your pancakes and let's jam. This place makes me want to slit my wrists, set myself on fire, and blow my brains out all while falling backwards off the tallest building I can find."
And so we did. We ate our pancakes and bacon and orange juice hopped back into the pimpmobile just in time to catch the biggest traffic jam I've ever seen in the entirety of my humble existence. Not a quarter-mile in front of us (and incidentally not even a mile from the diner) two 18-wheelers collided into a fiery mass of crumpled steel, havoc, and mayhem. With no lanes left open in either direction and the aforementioned Joshua trees hugging the cracked asphalt, our empty two lane stretch of heaven turned into a bumper to bumper parking lot.
The Mojave sun rose like the eye of an unforgiving deity, taking the thermometer mercury with it into the sky. A fat guy sat cursing on the jersey barrier and a family of Mexicans brought out a barbecue and started making burgers and sausages. Being as sharp as a box of marbles, me and my bro took our only 1 gallon jug of water and had ourselves a water fight. We made a lot of friends on that little stretch of highway. Hell, there was nothing else to do and they couldn't go anywhere when we knocked on their windows. We opened the trunk and blasted the pimpmobile stereo and had sausages and burgers with the Mexicans. I even ran up and down the rows of traffic with their Mexican flag. What? Did you think I really just called them Mexicans instead of Hispanic without knowing for sure. Nope. I proclaimed it loud and proud for everyone to hear whether they wanted to or not. After much running around and dancing on the barrier separating the two directions of the road I had to sit down. Remember how I said we had a water fight? Simply put, we were fucking stupid. Here I was, three hours into being trapped on a desert road (don't even know what fucking state we were in) dehydrated and dizzy sucking the last of our water out of a cracked water gun. The temperature was easily in the triple digits of the Fahrenheit scale. Just then a helicopter lifted off from the crash site with one of those body baskets on the end of the cable dangling below. I said a silent prayer to whatever god would listen.
Soon after the traffic broke and people almost reluctantly said goodbye to their new friends and climbed back into they're waiting vehicles. Thanking the Mojave sun god, we drove on to Vegas.
To be continued.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-25 14:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Start saving up your pennies and come to Vegas with us.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2004-12-25 14:25:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was born in Las Vegas. Seeing it from an outsiders eyes, especially an astute outsider,
is always good.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-13 11:47:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-12 16:01:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done, Dano.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-12-12 15:58:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
danDANDANDAN DANDANDAN DANDANDANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-12-09 23:53:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This story makes me long for a roadtrip.
Or maybe just the coffee and gummi bears, I'm not sure.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-12-09 16:40:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally, a quality post. Stop slacking, slacker.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-12-09 15:25:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have had to drive from vegas to cali so many times.... I know most of the desert... its fucking weird recognizing shit for 300 straight miles...
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-12-09 14:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:33:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Really weird shit happens in the deep desert.
I went for a drive out in the Anzo-Borrego desert one time, came over this hill, and there was a resort down in this valley, with a bunch of palm trees, green grass, a big fountain, and a fucking golf course.
I've tried to find it again, but I can't seem to get there. I wonder if anyone ever leaves...
No shit. True story.
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Did you know that the Las Vegas area is a HUGE producer of sod (lawn grass). Because of the dry climate and relatively constant temperature the humidity can be conrolled very easily in each grass pad. Take the ride out to Pahrump and you'll see desert for miles and miles with random perfectly sqare patches of the most lush green grass you've ever seen. Like true lawn perfection. It's fucking trippy.
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2004-12-09 13:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awsome
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2004-12-09 10:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mojaveliscious!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-12-09 10:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And its "Las Vegas" dude. "Vegas" is for newbs.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-12-09 10:21:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:33:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love driving through the desert. I'm heading out there in two weeks, actually 13 days and 6 hours. How about those seedy looking trailers with signs outside proclaiming them "ranches"? It doesn't conjure up a very pretty mental image and I don't think the word ranch means the same thing when my uncles use it. At least I hope it doesn't.
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Thats a negative on whorehouses in Clark County. You have to drive at least 85 miles north of Las Vegas to get to the first one out in Pahrump, Nevada. The only way to get a whore in town is to hang out at a hotel bar. They find you.
Submitted by rainman (user info) at 2004-12-09 10:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:45:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bright light city gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on fire
Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn,
So get those stakes up higher
There's a thousand pretty women waitin' out there
And they're all livin' devil may care
And I'm just the devil with love to spare
Viva las vegas, viva las vegas
--Elvis Presley
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:33:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love driving through the desert. I'm heading out there in two weeks, actually 13 days and 6 hours. How about those seedy looking trailers with signs outside proclaiming them "ranches"? It doesn't conjure up a very pretty mental image and I don't think the word ranch means the same thing when my uncles use it. At least I hope it doesn't.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really weird shit happens in the deep desert.
I went for a drive out in the Anzo-Borrego desert one time, came over this hill, and there was a resort down in this valley, with a bunch of palm trees, green grass, a big fountain, and a fucking golf course.
I've tried to find it again, but I can't seem to get there. I wonder if anyone ever leaves...
No shit. True story.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so hitting Vegas as soon as I can legally drink in your country.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:28:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really, really liked this.
Well done.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:24:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent post...
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is so cool to read because i have made that trip several times.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I had this thing brewing my whole drive home from work this morning. Decided I'd finally share my Vegas story with Uber. Hopefully this will end my slump of drawing a blank every time I tried to write.
I'm never participating in an Uber Madness again. I haven't hit on shit since the second round of stories this year. Blecccchhh!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the imagery in this piece.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:16:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't leave it too long before the next installment.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-12-09 09:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Could've been worse. You might've opted to have a gasoline fight instead.
I imagined you in your wrestling mask through this entire story.