Adventures In Asia, Pt. 2 (687 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.82 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Slypher (View user info) at 2004-12-09 21:35:34 EST
Part 1 http://www.ubersite.com/m/53834
The bar we were at previous to my near-death experience was actually owned by my uncle Jayanth, and his son, my cousin, Mikhail. So when we go to it, we get treated like royalty. I'm talking private rooms and free drinks.
We roll into the joint, which is a bar/casino/nightclub, looking like the big money of Kathmandu. I immediately flip out when I discover we have a personal Blackjack table all to ourselves. I proceed to gamble away upwards of 100 dollars, having tens upon tens of mixed drinks as I do it. By this point, I'm absolutely knackered. We head on to the nightclub section, and being horny men, we start to look for ladies to chat up.
A note about Kathmandu before we continue. It's a very international city, with a lot of different people from different places all over the world. In addition to that, only rich foreigners are allowed into Jayanth's bar/casino/nightclub. Therefore, all the women were German, Russian, or Swedish. And all the men were castrated Indian males, who can't play game for shit. (No offense, comicbookguy)
One look at the bar and I know I'm almost GUARANTEED a lay from any one of these pale beauties. But, of course, since God hates me, you're about to find out how I could actually manage to fuck this up.
Me, Prasan, and Mikhail all saunter over to the bar. I immediately spot my prize, a six-foot-tall blonde-haired blue-eyed Swedish chick. And, I shit you not, when she sees me checking her out, she LICKS HER LIPS, staring STRAIGHT at me. You all understand how insanely seductive that is, right? Well, at that point, all rational thought left my mind. I pull the total guy move and ask Prasan and Mikhail to verify her interest in me. When I start to puss out and become hesitant about going over to talk to her, Prasan immediately calls me a pussy. Which, in retrospect, he really doesn't have any business calling me that.
Of course, as soon as my manliness is questioned in the least, I must prove myself. I slide myself over to the empty spot next to her and order up some liquid courage. Liquid courage is basically a shot of tequila. So, I take the shot, not really even looking to see if it was tequila, only to discover that it is tequila. BUT, it's a shot of that really, really expensive clear tequila, which I am definitely not used to. As soon as I let this firewater rape and pillage my throat, I try to speak to Swedish chick.
What came out was something between a cough and the sound you make when you get hit in the nuts.
I'm not off to a good start.
Despite this awkward first impression, she really takes a liking to me and my fabulously good-looking self. She's sending out all the signals. The arm drag, the constant touching, the inappropriately long bouts of high-pitched laughter. And, that accent is fucking hot.
I'm thinking I've actually got this in the bag. Which is rare for me and insanely hot Swedish women. Almost unheard of. Almost. Anyways, I start to think about how I'm gonna make this work. I lead her to our private room. It's got everything. Couches, low lights, black walls, a 3-foot tall hookah.
"Wait, Slypher, did you just say a hookah?"
You're god damn right I did. It was beautiful, I tell you. Four hoses, glass mouthpieces, the works. It was sitting on a small table, which had drawers in it. I was thinking, "Nooooo, couldn't beeee..." But, I guess some things really do work out for the best. I open a drawer and find copious amounts of hash. HASH. And I'm not talking little wussy hash you can sometimes find in America. I'm talking about a POUND of high-grade hashish. Being Swedish and all, the girl wasn't too taken aback by it. I want to smoke, but as soon as we sit down, she's all over me.
And I mean, guys and gals, this was amazing. The girl had the softest lips, the fullest breast, and the tightest ass. She was kissing me long and deep and hard. I was in heaven. Although, I have been known to get a little bit too excited when presented with this kind of woman, so I naturally wanted to make sure that embarrassing situation didn't happen. I slowly eased her off of me onto the couch and stood up. God, she looked so sultry lying there with her hair all spread out on the velvet cushions, chest heaving, eyes sparkling...
Oh.
Anyways, I smoke some hash. If any of you need a primer on the way hookahs work, here it is. You have a little well on top of the hookah. It has a small metal mesh bowl with hot coals underneath. You heat the coals, the coals start to make the hash you sprinkled in the bowl smoke, and you inhale through one of the four hoses leading out of the hookah. The rationale is that when the smoke enters the hookah's main chamber, it cools down a lot, which make its ten times easier to smoke a lot.
Ten deeeeeep hits later and I am flying high. I have to say that the hash I smoked that night gave me the best high I've ever had. I sat down next to my Swedish princess and she promptly began to unzip my pants and whip out my HUGE dick. She asked if I had a condom, and of course, since I still live in the 80's, I always carry one in my wallet. Laugh now, but man, it did come in handy. I roll it on and she commences to pull down her panties and hike up her skirt.
I'm sure you can imagine what happened after that.
Well, actually, you can't, since what happens next defies all logic.
She's riding me cowboy style, me sitting on the couch, her facing me. It's going great, with all the appropriate moans and gyrations. That is, until the inevitable happened.
God thought to himself:
"Hmmmm...Julian is actually succeeding at something. Whoops, how on earth did I let that happen?"
A minute into it, in walks Mikhail and Prasan.
God I hate them.
Me, being in my inebriated, very high state, immediately try to stand up, forgetting about the woman on my penis. She tries in vain to grab onto my neck, but fails miserably. The next few moments happens in slow motion.
Falling backwards, Swedish chick knocks over the hookah. Unfortunately for her, there were still ample amounts of hot coals still in the bowl. Those scatter all over the floor. She, still falling backwards, lands bare-ass first in a big ol' pile of 'em. I'm pretty sure the scream that followed broke a couple glasses at the bar.
She jumps to her feet.
Me, trying to be NICE, grab her by the shoulders and spin her around. I then grab her skirt, pull it up, and do the only thing I could think of to cool down the burns on her ass.
I spit on it.
Come on, it seemed like a god idea at the time.
She realizes what I'm doing, swivels on her heels, slaps me in the face, grabs her panties and rushes out the door to no doubt soak her little tushy in some burn cream.
Of course, Mikhail and Prasan are there to witness it all.
Bastards.
The moral of this story is...
God sucks.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-16 17:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-10 09:45:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! I love hookahs. My friend Willie has this giant glass one. We usually just smoke bud out of it though, because we can't get hash here.
Awesome story. Too bad about your lady friend.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-12-09 23:52:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-12-09 23:24:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Better than part 1.
Still you switched tenses a couple of times.
________________________________
I get that all the time. Stop copying my mistakes.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-12-09 23:24:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Better than part 1.
Still you switched tenses a couple of times.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2004-12-09 23:05:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your imagination is far bigger than your dick.
Worth reading for that.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-12-09 22:45:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
snaginanehs
ynnuf hguoht
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-12-09 22:31:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Being Swedish and all, the girl wasn't too taken aback by it"
And there's ya shenanigans right there. I've travelled all over Sweden (Skavsta, Linkoping, Norrkoping, Stockholm) and it has to be one of the most drug naive and unaffected places in the world! Weed is almost nonexistent and those who smoke it are seen as "Drug Addicts", something that is said in a sort of hushed murmur. The only chick in my entire travels who didnt see drugs as some vile scourge was half Czech anyway, so she doesn't count.
Also, guys with huge dicks dont usually say they have a huge dick.
ALSO, if you were that fucked you'd probably keep banging the chick in front of your friends anyway.
SO heres the unabridged version:
I think you DID go to a sweet bar and there WERE hot chicks but you checked em out, got drunk and high, then went home.
Having said all this, great story.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-12-09 22:19:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SHENANIGANS!
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-12-09 22:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm skeptical.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-12-09 21:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans!
Slypher gets no booty.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-09 21:46:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To alcohol! The cause of -- and solution to -- all of life's problems!
-- Homer Simpson
Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
Perfect as well.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-09 21:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, I do not know what the Schadenfreude is. Please tell me, because
I'm dying to know.
-- Homer Simpson
When Flanders Failed
*snort*