Unlife in the Suburbs: Part 6 (752 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (View user info) at 2004-12-09 23:40:56 EST
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52429
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52527
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52869
Part 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53072
Part 5: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53290
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The car stereo burbles in the background as we drive toward the glowing suburban sprawl.
"Of course I remember how we got here." I reply. "A psychotic Scotsman forced us out of the abbey with death threats, we set Bela up in an apartment in Plzen and promptly got the hell out of the country, just in case aforementioned Scottish loon decided to come a-looking for us." Do I remember how we got here? Vampires remember practically everything with amazing clarity from the moment they awake as undead. The question could easily have been a rhetorical one.
Don't you hate it when someone asks a question, and you can't tell whether or not it's rhetorical?
"I am confident we have established that I remember how we got here. Let us now establish what all this has to do with your plan to recover the abbey." I look over at Laszlo, who is pretending to be concentrating on driving.
"Also, you would remember why we were evicted then?" He asks. So much for me being the one here with the question. I focus on Laszlo, his mind in particular, trying to work out what he is not telling me - to no avail. The best I can pick up is mental static with an unmistakable dash of smugness. I sigh, resigning myself to the fact that I am going to have to play this little game.
"We were evicted because you felt the need to juice Chalmers' favorite little wench."
He raises a bushy black eyebrow.
"...And?"
"OK. Fine. Also because I told him that I would rather be sodomized by a rabid pig with leprosy than sleep with him." A grin appears on his face - I no longer need to peer into his psyche to feel the smugness radiating from him.
Ignoring the idiotic grin, I ask my question again. I make sure that I use small words and speak slowly this time.
"What is your plan?" I feel like I am addressing a child with a learning disability, rather than a centuries-old vampire. He turns the grin up a few notches and looks over at me.
"Simple." He replies. "We kill him."
I flop back in my chair. For a moment there I thought he had a rational idea. He looks expectantly at me, as if he was waiting for a different reaction.
"What is wrong?" He asks.
"It could have been that my inhumanly acute hearing which has developed over the past few centuries was playing tricks on me, but did you not just suggest, for your masterful plan, that we simply bump off the bastard?" If sarcasm were a liquid, the entire car would be soaking wet.
"What is so unreasonable about my plan?" If I weren't partially capable of reading his emotions, I wouldn't believe that he was serious.
"Let's look at what you are proposing here, Laszlo: You expect us to attack a vampire, a century or two our senior? Granted, he is not an Ancient, but the older vampires tend to get a little bit irate when young upstarts such as ourselves start killing our senior kin."
"They have no loyalty to Chalmers, Dani. You know this as well as I. Many shun him, and even the most tolerant of the Ancients avoid him at all costs. They will not rise avenge him."
"Regardless," I continue - determined not to lose this argument "He is a vampire, whose mental capabilities we no nothing about, but we can assume he will sense us coming - and probably divine our intentions - before we are close enough to sense, let alone attack, him. He also happens to be a vampire who is probably capable of holding his own against the pair of us in physical combat." I am getting too worked up over this.
"We use guns." He interjects, fuelling my mood even further.
"Guns which he will notice with ease," I snort "not to mention the fact he will expect them after detecting our murderous thoughts. Even if we concentrate on keeping our thoughts to ourselves, the fact that we are so actively blocking his mental powers will reveal almost as much as if we were loudly broadcasting our intentions."
"We trick him, we distract him, and then we strike." As usual, Laszlo remains stoic, unfazed.
"We are talking about a old and experienced vampire. He might be about as balanced as Oprah and a seven-year-old Ethiopian on a seesaw, but he is not a total idiot. To distract him you would have to" Laszlo finishes my sentence "offer him something that he desires, but has never been able to attain."
"Oh brilliant. And how do you propose we find out what that particular thing is? Phone him up and ask? I can see it now 'Excuse me Mr. Chalmers, is there anything out there that you want very badly? Badly enough that we could dangle it in front of you to distract you, then kill you?'"
"We already know what he wants." Laszlo says, smilingly.
"What do you mean we alr-" I halt, mid-sentence, when I realize where this is going. Laszlo looks at me, pointedly.
"You cannot be serious."
User Reviews
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:17:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I lost track of this series months ago and I just found it. I've been thinking about it since then and now that I found it I am very happy.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2004-12-29 11:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another good addition, but I liked this one less than the others. The ending was very cool, but I thought the dialogue at the beginning was kind of forced. Too much of the lead character explaining things to the reader.
Dear God. I think I may have to read all 9 of the series in one sitting. I am hooked.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-11 15:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-10 20:33:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
More please.
-Davros
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Gah!! Soon people, soon! I am not writing a damn thing this weekend, but I'll probably have some time at work on Monday.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-10 12:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-10 09:16:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-10 08:52:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't care for this one as much as the others, but overall I adore this series.
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I have to admit, this is probably the poorest so far. Not enough action, just me trying to set up the next (and probably close to final) chunk of plot.
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Actually I thought this one was superb, building the tension nicely.
More please.
-Davros
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-12-10 10:30:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
actually, I was being sarcastic
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-10 09:16:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-10 08:52:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't care for this one as much as the others, but overall I adore this series.
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I have to admit, this is probably the poorest so far. Not enough action, just me trying to set up the next (and probably close to final) chunk of plot.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-10 08:52:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't care for this one as much as the others, but overall I adore this series.
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2004-12-10 08:33:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Repeat: more please.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-12-10 08:28:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Scarlett13 (user info) at 2004-12-10 08:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-10 05:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-12-10 05:06:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHEN'S THE FINAL FOUR UM BRACKET GOING TO BE UP?! TITLES?? I NEED TO KNOW WHO MY OPPONENT IS!! I'M GOING TO GO AROUND AND +2 EVERYTHING UNTIL IT'S UP!!!! THAT'LL SHOW ALL OF YOU!!!!
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Certainly put me in my place!
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-12-10 05:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHEN'S THE FINAL FOUR UM BRACKET GOING TO BE UP?! TITLES?? I NEED TO KNOW WHO MY OPPONENT IS!! I'M GOING TO GO AROUND AND +2 EVERYTHING UNTIL IT'S UP!!!! THAT'LL SHOW ALL OF YOU!!!!
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-10 01:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-12-10 00:36:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
life? Pshh. Nothing is more important then social acceptability on a website.
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I would disgree with you, but
1. You are popular and well-known, and
2. You gave me a +2
Both of which slightly increase my chances of one day becoming socially accepted here.
Hang on.... ah... but.. eh, dammit. You're right.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-12-10 00:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
life? Pshh. Nothing is more important then social acceptability on a website.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-10 00:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-09 23:46:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah! Another one!
I was kind of worried you'd stop mid-stream...
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Yeah, sorry for the delay guys, life got in the way for a few days there and I didn't have time to write anything.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-12-10 00:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great stuff ID. now dont take so long to give us more.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-09 23:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah! Another one!
I was kind of worried you'd stop mid-stream...