Untitled. Unedited. Unthoughtout. 4. (868 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.89 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by lessthanfour <ossum.at.ossum.dot.net> (View user info) at 2004-12-10 12:44:42 EST
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52516
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52920
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53331
We now return to our regularly scheduled unread series!
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Jesus has a new homeboy, and his name is Ricky.
Lately he spends all his time reading the bible, and no one tries to talk to him anymore because he only replies in bible verse, which may or may not be relevant to the topic at hand. It gets pretty tiring, as you may imagine.
"Hey, Ricky. Wanna go play some cards?"
"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?"
"... Ok. You enjoy your bible, Ricky."
It's pretty amazing, actually. If you knew Ricky when he first showed up here, you'd have never pegged him for the religious type. He looks like a typical punk kid: tattoo sleeves on each arm, shaved head, holes in his nose and lip which show where his piercings were. Now, I've known a bunch of tattooed and pierced kids in my time, and quite a few of them were quite upstanding chaps. However, Ricky is coked out. Ricky is crazy.
I guess it's not that amazing, when you think about it. Since its earliest days, religion has been nothing more than a way for the people in power to control the masses. It's a way for people in a hopeless situation to find solace, to find a light at the end of the tunnel. It's a way for weak people to find blame for their inability to control their own lives, to blame it on a higher power, to blame it on original sin.
And Ricky was weak. Ricky needed strength. Ricky needed absolution.
I guess he's one of those paranoid delusional guys. I don't know much about it, but he thinks everyone is out to get him. He doesn't want to take his pills because he's sure they're poisoned, sure the orderlies are plotting against him. Trying to steal his memories, trying to steal his mind. The orderlies don't mind when I fake swallow my pills because I never hurt anyone, never start fights, and never cause problems. Ricky, though... that guy is crazy. Ever since what happened to Frank they make sure he swallows all of his pills.
The incident in question happened the day after Ricky got here. He was understandably freaked out. I mean, a normal guy would have a hard time adjusting to living here, but it's about a thousand times worse when you're already maladjusted. It's cold, you have no privacy, and you're crammed in a big room with 40 other crazy guys. You can't even shower by yourself. It's humiliating. Add on paranoia and coke withdrawal, and you've got a recipe for disaster.
We were all in the common room. I was sitting in front of the TV with most of the other guys, watching an old episode of Charles in Charge. What a god-awful show. It wasn't even one of the later episodes with the hot blonde girl. It was from the first season with the Pembroke family, and there was nary a hot girl in sight. I can't say it strong enough: What a god-awful show. So the guys were watching TV, and I was watching Ricky.
He was sitting by himself in the corner. His eyes darted around the room, looking at everything but seeing nothing. I kind of knew how he felt. My first week here was hell, not that it's really gotten better. But you get used to it.
Anyway, Charles in Charge ended, which signaled lunchtime. Lunchtime meant mid-day pills. Most of the guys started to line up to get their pills on the way out to the cafeteria, but Ricky just stayed in the corner. One of the orderly, whose name was Frank, noticed and wandered over to him.
"Hey buddy, you can't just sit there. It's time to go eat," he said.
Ricky just stared back at him, withdrawn.
Frank was new to this place, as shown by his lack of caution. He reached down, presumably to grab Ricky by the arm and force him to stand, but he never got that far so I guess I'll never know. Without warning, Ricky lunged and clawed at Frank's face, tearing the other man's left cheek open with his fingernails. Long, bloody furrows ran down Frank's face as he looked at Ricky in shock. Frank just watched, in shock, while the rest of the orderlies came running in and dog piled a howling Ricky.
Ricky spent the rest of the week in a straightjacket in solitary, and ever since then they've made sure he's well sedated. They've made sure he has his bible.
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-29 16:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for the sake of criticism: the past two posts about this dude make him seem very not-crazy. It could just be because I'm reading it in installments, but I'm starting to wonder why he's in there if he can refuse to take his pills and still not have too much trouble. Well, sure, I guess he killed his mom and stuff...whatever. You think THAT'S enough to get committed? Yeah? Well, maybe I'll just shut my fat mouth * shuffles away *
Keep writing.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-21 13:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell Ricky his epidermis is showing.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-11 17:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I just say......
BUMP
-Davros
Submitted by dizzyupthegirl (user info) at 2004-12-11 05:30:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with Davros, different track to this one.. Like one of those "remember when" flashback episodes in popular sitcoms. Which isnt to say it is of any less greatness than the last few eps.. not at all. It kinda highlighted or emphasised the religion issue. Didnt seem in track with the rest of the series, but still it wanted to be said.
I especially loved this line..
"And Ricky was weak. Ricky needed strength. Ricky needed absolution."
Definitely my fave.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-12-11 03:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus and I meet regularly on wednesday night's for an informal Hungry Hungry Hippos tournament. I'm getting my ass kicked by Ganesh.
Submitted by skweetis (user info) at 2004-12-11 03:17:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this rocks
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2004-12-11 00:07:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:35:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
More people should really read this series.
For my money this and Impassive_Digressive's "Unlife" series are among the best stuff going around at the moment.
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I agree with that 100%
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-12-10 16:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know this is good stuff...I can't read right now, but I will later.
Only read the first one so far.
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-12-10 16:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A note: I'm not paying Davros for his publicity, but maybe I should be. :)
someone: Thanks for the honest feedback. I don't think I could write on something touching the subject of an asylum without being compared to Kesey. I've read Cuckoo's Nest, and loved it, but I'm definitely not trying to recreate it. I'm just writing and trying not to worry about whether it's groundbreaking or similar to anything else, you know? I'm writing this becuase I enjoy writing it.
This series will get compared to Catcher because it's in a very informal, conversational voice and is through the eyes of a jaded guy. It'll get compared to Cuckoos Nest becuase of the setting.
I can think of worse company to be in. *shrugs*
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-10 16:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for the *bump* factor.
Becaus this series is great and I think more people should read it.
-Davros
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-12-10 15:43:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The copy paste of my previous reply was the segment that reminded me of Kesey's writing. I should've stated that, sorry.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-12-10 15:42:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I guess he's one of those paranoid delusional guys. I don't know much about it, but he thinks everyone is out to get him. He doesn't want to take his pills because he's sure they're poisoned, sure the orderlies are plotting against him. Trying to steal his memories, trying to steal his mind. The orderlies don't mind when I fake swallow my pills because I never hurt anyone, never start fights, and never cause problems. Ricky, though... that guy is crazy. Ever since what happened to Frank they make sure he swallows all of his pills.
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I'm going to start using the plus one rating a lot more, because too often its only the two extremes used when rating. This is good writing, but Ken Kesey anyone?? It seems like some of your ideas seem copied, though perhaps inadvertently, and this draws me away from the story. Better then most of the stuff on this site though, and man, don't worry about hits/ratings. I like how you said you were going to continue this just because you enjoy doing so. Also, the whole religion bit is insanely cliche', I mean, even a religious person will reluctantly admit to what you have just stated, the filling of a void, a sense of hope(false or not), etc. etc. More constructive critisism, nothing personal at all.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-10 15:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:55:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for reading, guys, and for all the +2s and support. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that nobody reads this, but I'll keep posting them as long as I enjoy writing them. This post was only kind of half finished.. I'm going to rewrite and flesh it out and maybe repost it, I dunno. And yes, I'll get back to "her" before too long.
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It takes as long as it takes.
Look at some of the other series on this site, MickGinny, BigMike, Snark and see how long they leave it between installments.
People will always come back to good stuff.
Keep on writing.
-Davros
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for reading, guys, and for all the +2s and support. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that nobody reads this, but I'll keep posting them as long as I enjoy writing them. This post was only kind of half finished.. I'm going to rewrite and flesh it out and maybe repost it, I dunno. And yes, I'll get back to "her" before too long.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:35:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More people should really read this series.
For my money this and Impassive_Digressive's "Unlife" series are among the best stuff going around at the moment.
-Davros
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:22:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to know what happened to the one true love...
Submitted by Id (user info) at 2004-12-10 13:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in agreement with Davros here: this looks more planned and well thought out. Which I also agree is not a bad thing.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-12-10 13:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
niiice...
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2004-12-10 13:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another 'cause I can't spell and it's still a good series.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2004-12-10 13:04:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddammit, WHY DID EVERYONE POST THESE GREAT POSTS RIGHT AFTER MINE?!
*pant pant pant*
+2, I realy like this series.
Submitted by jenngd9 (user info) at 2004-12-10 13:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Oh, and Mary is my homegirl.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-10 12:57:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo I was first.
Have Another.
-Davros
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-10 12:55:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Different track on this one.
Still good though.
I sense this is becoming more thought out by the installment, but that is no bad thing.
Keep 'em coming.
-Davros