Adventures in the Smelly Sandbox: The Most Dangerous Game of Spades Ever Played (2299 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: SandboxAdventures
Rating: 1.83 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack11058 (View user info) at 2004-12-10 14:16:06 EST
Time was winding down in Afghanistan. I finally left the wild west of Kandahar with Lee and Casey (the other guys had left for home already) and traveled to Bagram airbase, just outside of Kabul. Bagram was supposed to be safer than Kandahar, and we were looking forward to living on an actual military base with showers and a chow hall, rather than hanging our asses out to dry in the middle of that former Taliban stronghold we had enjoyed so much. Good fucking riddance.
When we got to Bagram, there wasn't much to do. We were just waiting on a plane. With typical military efficiency, we were told we could expect to find space on a plane sometime within the next "one to forty-five days". Sweet.
What to do, what to do? The usual "drink 'til you forget you are in one of the shittiest places in the world" game is out. We aren't allowed to drink in Afghanistan, and now that we're back in Bagram, there's enough brass around to enforce that rule.
We decided to play spades. No big deal. We grabbed Stevie and settled down for what would prove to be the most harrowing game of spades ever played (that's called foreshadowing).
Lee and I were just about to lay the smack down on the final trick to take us over the top and ensure victory. I prepared to lay down the last card with a triumphant guffaw and impossibly witty bon mot.
As my hand descended in a forceful winner's flop, a sound like a huge angry bee filled the test, and matching holes were ripped in opposing sides of the canvas overhead. Reflexes honed by six months in Kandahar took over and we were on the floor before the echoing blast of rifle fire reached us as it chased the bullet that had just blown through the walls of our tent. We heard the bullet smack into the sandbagged wall of the command post right next door to us.
The table turned over, scattering cards and sodas all over the place as we scrambled for cover. We managed to crawl out of the tent and into a small fighting position just to the side of the tent flap. It was designed for two, but we all managed to fit inside. Of course, in preparation for the flight home, we had already packed up our rifles. Lee and I had our 9mm's, but that was it.
We finally heard the distinctive pop of M-16 fire coming from the guard tower to our right, followed immediately by another booming echo from a different weapon. It sounded big. Scanning the area around the watchtower for the source of the attack, I managed to get a view of what was actually happening.
Holy fucking shit. A lone old man stood about 100 feet out from the tower. He was armed with an ancient muzzle-loading musket nearly as tall as he was. He had its stock planted firmly in the ground, and was deliberately shoving the ramrod down into the barrel, loading another musketball to fire at the infidels. I could see little plumes of dust rising from bullets impacting in the ground around his feet.
He finished reloading and brought the old weapon to his shoulder, aiming now at the tower, still oblivious to the bullets whizzing by him. He was far out of range of our pistols, so we could only watch. I found myself strangely rooting for the old bastard. Not for him to get one of us, but for him to make it out of this alive.
What balls. He came out of the mountains in the middle of the day with a weapon at least a hundred years old, to single handedly take on this army of the heathen who had come to his homeland.
It wasn't to be. Just as he got off his third shot, he caught a round in the hip and went down. The tower guards had finally hit him. The all clear wasn't given for another ten minutes. I suppose they were waiting for further attacks we could all plainly see weren't coming. We could see he was still alive, he was holding one arm up to the sky. I guess he was probably praying.
The old man died on the operating table of the Spanish hospital one hour later. He had gotten off three shots in three minutes with an old English musket, while our tower guards fired 58 rounds before they finally got lucky. I felt a sadness rise in me. It was time to get the fuck out of this country.
We four spades players didn't return to our game. But we did sneak off behind the chow hall for a quick gulp of illicit whiskey.
We drank a toast to the mujahideen.
+_+_+_+_
Author's note: This will be the final installment of the Smelly Sandbox Series. I've told all there is to tell. Thanks for reading.
Episode 1 -- Don't Throw Up In Your Helmet http://www.ubersite.com/m/44408
Episode 2 -- Kids In Afghanistan Are Assholes, Too http://www.ubersite.com/m/45650
Episode 3 -- Battle Of The Mongoloids http://www.ubersite.com/m/45955
Episode 4 -- How I Almost Got My Shit Ruined By A Kid On A Bike http://www.ubersite.com/m/49192
Episode 5 -- In The Company Of Heroes http://www.ubersite.com/m/49417
User Reviews
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2005-06-29 03:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-02-25 10:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doneupandin (user info) at 2005-02-24 20:27:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
You are good at being a pussy. Go cry.
-=-=-=
is he serious?
Submitted by Doneupandin (user info) at 2005-02-24 20:27:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are good at being a pussy. Go cry.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-12-11 21:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a really sad story. Don't get me wrong, i don't blame anyone for killing other people, cos its a whole lot better than the alternative, but shit...
Great series, man.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-12-11 21:15:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, since i'm only months from getting out.
i was in the CI corps. most fun you can have in the army.
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-12-11 18:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Realy liked the series.
By the way, what did you do for the army? I've tried to figure out what your job was. You're wearing civilian clothes all the time, but you aren't special forces?
*in a mysterious voice* - "What exactly do you do for a living, Jack?"
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-12-11 16:00:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you happen to hear a clinking sound when that guy was hit? Because he must've had brass balls the size of my head.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-12-11 15:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Final installment? Damn you!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-12-11 14:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Christ, that old guy had balls. He probably fucked twenty women and strangled a bull with his bare hands before he went out there.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2004-12-10 23:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-12-10 23:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-10 16:54:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I want to be like that guy when I get old.
Well, maybe not shooting at US troops, or in Afghanistan, or be a male, or end up dead.
But other than that...
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-10 19:34:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-12-10 19:25:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great series.
Welcome home.
Submitted by UrfTheWog (user info) at 2004-12-10 18:30:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another awesome post - too bad it's the last - really enjoyed the stories. Good luck!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-10 16:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I want to be like that guy when I get old.
Well, maybe not shooting at US troops, or in Afghanistan, or be a male, or end up dead.
But other than that...
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-12-10 16:01:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. I just read the whole series.
I just want to say:
Thanks.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2004-12-10 15:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Can you share the intel of where they think the "doctor" is?
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2004-12-10 15:31:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-12-10 15:29:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for reading.
And I'm over 10,000 hits! w000000000000000t.
I'm a dork.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-12-10 15:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
another kick-ass post.
I hope this isn't the end of 'em, even if you are "going home" in this last addition.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-12-10 15:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-12-10 15:17:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:32:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe he was just ignorant of today's equipment or he was simply insane.
Regardless he had gargantuesque balls.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:28:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I sense that you as a military man have to respect that kind of dedication, to some extent.
Glad you are getting out.
I am sure there will be a market for books of peoples experiences in this conflict, and judjing by the way you describe things, you could do well.
Keep Alive.
-Davros
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:24:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really well written, thanks for that.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-12-10 14:22:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Weird how empathy can work, sometimes.