"I think I'm going to like it here" - Part 1 of 3 (1353 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:fiction
Rating: 1.95 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-12-11 06:26:58 EST
(This is the first installment in a three part series.)
___________________
Sydney, Australia
June 1910
The man burst into the laboratory, eyes wild, mouth flecked with spittle. He grabbed the white coated technician by his shoulders and screamed "They're coming for me! Get me out of here!"
The technician paled. "Sir, the machine isn't calibrated. We don't know where you might end up. There must be somewhere you can hide from the police while I -"
"There is nowhere else, Thomas!" The intruder calmed himself with a visible effort, trying to speak reasonably, trying to recapture the confident charm that was the key to his success in his chosen career.
"Thomas, they've seen me. They saw me with my knife in the Mother Superior's left buttock. They saw me cut her throat. Their dogs have my scent and there is nowhere safe for me now."
Thomas gestured silently toward the machine in helpless resignation. If he was to be totally honest with himself, the idea of having his psychotic benefactor finally out of his life was deeply attractive.
Reggie Whyle, known to police and street gossip as "The High Street Slasher", stepped into the machine. He flashed a humorless smile at Thomas and said "Wish me luck."
Thomas pulled the lever. There was no way to set a time or date, no way to set a destination. He just pulled the handle, sent Whyle to God knew where, and set about dismantling the machine as the baying of the police dogs grew closer.
__________
Sydney, Australia
June 2004
Whyle was in a small dark place that smelled like human waste and garbage. He panicked, struggled upwards, until his head surfaced above the sickening fetid mess and he was able to breathe relatively fresh air.
He looked around with the instinctive alertness of the predator he was. The image of a lion surveying his territory was only slightly marred by the lettuce leaf hanging from his ear. He was in a large metal box, filled with refuse. He climbed over the edge and dropped to the ground.
The surface was unfamiliar, as were the buildings and the tall lights he could see beyond the mouth of the alley he found himself in.
He was only confused for a moment. He was only disoriented until he heard that blessed sound; the tap-tap-click of a woman in high heels.
She turned into the alley and he ducked behind the metal box. This he knew. This was familiar. The thrill of the hunt, the heat of the chase; these things were in his blood.
She walked past him. He stood and followed her, not bothering to conceal the sound of his footsteps.
She heard him and walked a little faster.
He sped up.
She dropped all pretense and started running in her silly high heels, and he was on her in five seconds, pinning her against the alley wall, taking an abstract pleasure in the desperate movements of her body against him.
He leaned in and hissed into her ear "I'm going to eat your face."
(To be continued)
User Reviews
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-13 11:12:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He knifed a Nun in the ass!!!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Submitted by arcane (user info) at 2004-12-13 09:21:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant wait to read the next one.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-12-12 14:51:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I know I'm going to look like a jerk for doing this, but it's not my intention to purposely destroy a user's rankings.
The writing style just wasn't my cup of tea. Call it being picky or whatever you'd like but it's nothing against you, the author, at all. There were just parts that read awkward because of the choice of words or the way the sentence was structured.
Also it was a little short. I know it's going to be three parts so I shouldn't expect a lengthy read, and I do my best to help support all creative works on this site, but I needed a little more before I could form a solid opinion on the story. I do like where it's going though and I only hope the next parts will be longer and that this rating won't be smudged upon.
Once again, sorry for the rating. It's not my job to break streaks; I just rate how I feel. Each to his own, I suppose.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2004-12-11 23:01:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for, not only great reading material,
but for twatwaffle. It has changed my life.
oh yeah, and part 2 soon please, thank you.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-11 23:00:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, to be fair to myself, I *did* promptly nominate several other people for several other unspecified awareds.
What can I say, other than that your unadulterated brilliance simply inspires me to sing your praises. Loudly. And slightly off-key. But my heart's in the right place, damnit- in my chest cavity, where it belongs.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-11 21:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mystia - yeah, the fifty went to LadyPlural. She nominated me for every single category.
Nice girl, gets a bit carried away.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-12-11 21:45:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You go with all the 2's lately girlfriend.
I told you paying me twenty bucks to nominate you as best female author would be money well spent.
I heard someone got fifty. Next time my lawyer does all my negotiating
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-11 21:32:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooooooh... Circe, you are a genius. I love you, this post, and the fact that I slightly helped to inspire it. WOOOOHOO!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-12-11 21:10:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yea yea! Eat the face! Eat the FAAAAACE!
...oh, sorry.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-11 16:09:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the picture alone.
But you tempted me enough to come back for the next parts.
-Davros
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-12-11 15:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-12-11 15:37:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to know more about the machine and the guy who built it.
Must be the Giger pic... I have a whole HG Wells/Alien/Anubis Gates
thing going through my head now.
I can't wait for the next installment.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-12-11 13:59:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pwesome
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2004-12-11 13:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kopesh (user info) at 2004-12-11 13:31:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want more... I want more... I want more...
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2004-12-11 11:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Benefit of the doubt +2, and also for attaching a HR giger drawing - the most insane artist ever to have been anal probed.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-12-11 10:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-12-11 10:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Every time I see your name I want to lick your thigh.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-12-11 10:25:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read the title, and went "hmm no sex or dirty words"... was about to skip on when I saw the authors name and read it in full... Glad I did...
Awesomeness as always young lady. Look forward to part2
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-11 09:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Complete crap!
*maniacle giggles*
Yeah right. Can't wait for part 2.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-11 08:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you....you're good you....you...
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-12-11 07:33:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really like this.
it's the weekend. what the folk am i doing here?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-11 07:11:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I got the same kind of tingling feeling that I get when I'm camped outside somebody's house in full camoflague gear, watching them lovingly tongue their German Shepard's anus."
I've got to figure out how to use this somehow..............except I'll probably spell camouflage correctly. :)
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-12-11 07:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read the post. Then I read the reviews. I got the same kind of tingling feeling that I get when I'm camped outside somebody's house in full camoflague gear, watching them lovingly tongue their German Shepard's anus.
"I love you, Big Mike."
"I love you, Circe."
"But I love you most of all, Scarecrow."
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-11 07:05:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, it's a story I want to tell. I've been wanting to write it for a while, and I finally was given the catalyst - oddly, it was that line you like, "I'm going to eat your face" - in a conversation the other day.
To tell it properly, it needs to be drawn out; not only because it's long (it is) but because the shifts in Whyle's perspective need to come unexpectedly.
And now I'm giving too much away.
No, not for hits, and not for reviews. But I do think it's going to be a kickass story, and I hope people read it.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-11 07:01:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-11 06:54:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
I appreciate the vote of confidence, Mike. Especially coming from the guy who created DoaM.
Nobody's more surprised than me at how popular that series has become. It has a very loyal following.
Give me more next time Circe. This was very short and left me frustrated with not having more info about the main character.
The thing about a series is, you never know how good it's going to be unless you write it. The whole hits and readers issue comes later. Do you want hits or do you want readers? Is this a story that's inside you and has to come out, or did you say to yourself "I'm going to try a series?"
If DoaM had bombed I may have continued it anyway. It just seemed to be there waiting to come out.
I love reading your stuff.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-11 06:54:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I appreciate the vote of confidence, Mike. Especially coming from the guy who created DoaM.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-11 06:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honey, you're writing it so I know it's going to be great.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-11 06:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BigMike - Trust me. this is just the first bit; this is not the way it's all going to be. I know I took a bit of a chance with the slasher film, hackneyed feel of it, but it does get better.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-11 06:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We'll have to see about this one.
Not your best effort but clearly an interesting train of thought.
"I'm going to eat your face" was nice.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-11 06:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Don't post a series. They get less hits and reviews than anything else. Hardly anyone reads them, unless they're great."
"Oh, it'll be okay. I'll make sure to let them know it's a SHORT series."
ONE HOUR LATER
"You're a fucking moron."
"Yeah."