My New Obsession (759 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (View user info) at 2004-12-11 10:07:07 EST
Many times in life, I have devised certain plans that end up with me swimming naked through a dollar sign shaped pool full of gold. Some may call these plans "schemes." There was one where I was going to have an eBay just for free stuff. Two days later, I heard the report. It was already out. Now, maybe it's the season of giving that's upon us, or maybe it's the 4 dryer sheets I just smoked, but I decided that it's finally time for me to put together a plan to give something back to the world.
My new devotion (because I know that I'll never complete my Desert Storm Collector Card set) is going to be the guy who comes up with and implements World's Largest Food type cooking records. While I have no formal management, logistical, or cooking training, I feel like I have the unnatural willingness to fill this unknown societal gap.
I figure I'll circle the globe, putting together local cooks and their ingredients and with my crack fabrication team creating all of the comically oversized canoli cream insertion devices that you (or your mom - Zing!) can handle, we'll soon be a success. They'll have kickass uniforms and right now, I'm thinking overalls that look like tuxedos. Of course, novelty hats are encouraged at all times.
My hosting team has been narrowed down to three candidates. Andrew "Boner from Growing Pains" Koenig, Carl "Cockroach from The Cosby Show" Payne II, and Michael "DJ From Roseanne" Fishman made their way through the Gauntlet tournament, and crushed their competitors in the Curling competition. Of course, there'll be bikini babes, featuring two of the original In Living Color fly-girl understudies.
Some plans:
Philadelphia - World's Largest Cheesesteak. I figure I can huck a side of cooked cow into a helicopter blade a few times. It'll work. I've looked at numbers. 5, 192 to be exact.
New Orleans - World's Largest Hurricane. I figure I'll be able to get every girl at LSU drunk on this one...which brings us to "World's Longest String of Beads." If you can't put the two together, you'll have to wait. And if you're thinking it like that, that's disgusting, but high-five.
Toronto - Outside a Tim Horton's - World's Largest Donut and World's Largest Bottomless Coffee. With the NHL season still not going, I figure I could get Don Cherry to be a special guest commentator on this one. Maybe I'd even have Barry Melrose work the crowd.
So, you can have your giant aloe plants. You can wait around for the Guinness guy to show up to measure your World's Largest Red Wagon. I'll be watching 300 people trying to dump the World's Largest Box of Old Bay into the World's Largest Soft Shell Crab Sandwich somewhere outside Baltimore. Maybe the Discovery Channel will pick this up and put us on after Big! I think it'll be "Monster Kitchen" or "I Can't Believe I ate the Whole Thing!"
See you on the trail...
User Reviews
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-01-12 12:04:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
see first comment. (obviously, it's not saturday)
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:46:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-13 08:34:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
awesome hit to review ratio.
looks like i picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-12-11 20:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
smoking dryer sheets, eh?
that's just crazy enough to work!!!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-11 16:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
smoking dryer sheets is awesome.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-12-11 13:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pwesome
Submitted by PrettyBondage (user info) at 2004-12-11 13:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-12-11 13:16:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MAN VERSUS MACHINE: THE ROBO-BATTLE OF FOREVER!
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-11 12:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I should have left this at a perfect 0 reviews! damn!
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-11 11:37:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what the heck, I'm bored at work on a saturday. AIM AwesomeJohnson7