I'm becoming more female every day (2742 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.41 on 93 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nicole <nakita963.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-12-13 14:19:37 EST
I've never been the most dainty example of the female sex. I grew up with three headstrong and generally insane brothers and most of my friends all the way through high school were boys. I preferred to spend my time outside riding my bike down steep, cactus covered hills, building forts to battle the neighbor kids, fixing up an old bike to be used in riding off of a dock into a pond or designing and building a remote control car to race against my friends rather than gossiping about who likes who, ogling over pictures of the New Kids on the Block and playing patty cake, or whatever it is girls liked to do in groups. At least those were some of the things I thought girls liked to do after school. Over time I have realized what they were really doing at Susie or Sally's home - They were taking more classes about how to be typical girls and women.
While I was worrying about whether or not a hole I had helped dig in the alley was deep enough to be a proper death trap, other girls were worrying about whether Bobby liked so-and-so and learning how to manipulate him into doing so. While I was complaining at age 13 to my mother about the fact that when it was absolutely sweltering outside my brothers could go topless whereas I couldn't, my compatriots in gender were learning how to fix their hair and dress in such a way to make themselves more desirable and while going topless may accomplish this, it isn't usually allowed in public.
While a large portion of typical female behavior and thought process is hard wired in our brains, it wasn't until I reached adulthood that I realized that much of it is actually learned and unfortunately I missed most of those lessons. I must have been cracking jokes about Heather's loose box or staring outside at the thunderclouds when they covered some of the more useful topics. The one class that I completely missed and has caused me considerable pain is the one on how to get out of tickets. I mean, I'm not hideous. Shouldn't I be able to get off with a warning at least once in my life when most other women I know get out of tickets on a regular basis (at least that is what most men like to think)? I thank god that my tickets are distributed over a large number of states or I probably would have gotten myself in more trouble than I have. As it is, my speeding habit has only cost me money.
Of course, it has been considerable money so I have tried just about everything within reason to get out of them, all to no avail until a few weeks ago when on Thanksgiving Day, something unexpected happened. I was on my way up to Montreal for a short weekend vacation by myself driving through upstate New York when I was pulled over by a state trooper. When asked why I was going 78 in a 65 I explained that I had sped up to allow another car to merge onto the highway (I had done so but I don't think the timing was correct - I was just speeding). He then asked me where I was going so I explained that I was taking a weekend trip by myself over the holiday. My family is all back in Texas and I don't have the money or the vacation time to go home for the holiday. Again, this was a partial lie. My family had decided to go visit the step-relatives in Arkansas and spending $400 to hang out with a bunch of hicks, no matter how lovable, was not my idea of a good time. My decision was later affirmed when my 15 year old sister explained how on that very day cousin June Bug had shot a squirrel. "Why?" I asked. "Because it was moving." But that family relationship is another story.
The trooper then returned to his car for few minutes, giving me enough time to eat an orange I had brought along as I knew I'd have a hard time finding any restaurants open that day in the US. When he finished his work and approached the car I rolled down the window expecting to get a nice little paper present. Then I noticed that he had nothing in his hands. Nothing. He let me off completely, without even a warning.
As he walked away I sat there, utterly stunned, for a full minute before I realize that it probably looked suspicious that I hadn't at least started the car back up. I pondered what had just happened as I drove off. I think I finally have grasped the essence of one of the lessons that I missed back in my youth. If you want something from a police officer, you have to play to his weakness. Make yourself look weak, helpless, and pitiful so that he wants to help you. That is probably why he got into the profession in the first place, so use it. In all of my previous ticket encounters I had been incredibly polite, but I've never been to type to make anyone feel sorry for me. I don't exactly exude helplessness and never made the officer feel like the big, tough, society protecting policeman that he wants to be. So I've learned my lesson and am now going to put my theory to the test. I'm starting to prepare for my next possible ticket by practicing my puppy-dog eyes, trembling lips and helpless voice. Please officer, feel sorry for me. Please help me.
(Gag. I get sick just thinking about it.)
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-16 15:42:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got out of a speeding ticket once by punching the cop squarely in the nuts...as he bent over to throw up, I drove off, spraying him with a sheet of road gravel.
Whereas, I was pulled over 2 miles up the road, surrounded by three cars, 5 cops with guns drawn, dragged out of the car by my ears, pinned face down on some roadkill, handcuffed and hog tied, force fed nightsticks, and thrown into a 4' x 6' cell for three days with a 400 pound lard ass named "Mickey" and a communal toilet that was last cleaned during the Kennedy administration.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-12-15 11:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have balls and they hang like a cattle rustler on the gallows.
What?
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-12-14 16:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If Cabaretgirl posted this, it would be so much better.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-12-14 13:21:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once got out of a ticket because I was on my way to work and when I leaned over to get out my registration, my tee shirt hiked up a bit and the cop saw my lifeguard suit. THen he chatted with me for a minute about being a lifeguard and then was all "have a good day, keep up the good work."
Better time was when I broke up with a cop's son because he was a total asshole, and the little dork sent his Dad up to where we'd all go up and drag race on the weekends, in this old industrial lot, and the guy nailed me for doing a buck thirty five in a thirty. So the next day I called him up and mentioned that I had about 25 people who would be more than happy to mention that I'd broken up with his pussy son the day before and that I knew half the guys on the force so perhaps he would like to not be a jerk? Surprisingly, the ticket got scrapped. Asshole.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-12-14 04:20:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:29:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Not to make a circular argument, but if women weren't treated like "a warm piece of flesh with boobs and a vagina" in the first place, they would have never learned to play the system. It only works if men let us, anyway, and as long as men keep letting us, we'll keep doing it. So shape up, men, and stop falling for the vulnerable female trick.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did no one else notice the ammount of commas in this sentence?
"So shape up, men," If you read it out loud it sounds really funny.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-12-14 04:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-12-13 23:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me know when you find a way to get out of DUIs.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-12-13 19:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I live near this little town of about 3500 people or so. Everyone knows all the town cops by their first names, so when you get pulled over, it usually isn't a big deal. A while back though, they brought in this new guy from who knows where, so now tickets get handed out like fucking candy all day long. Since mid October, I've seen someone pulled over every single time I've been in town, which is usually two or three times a day. Scares me just a bit.
The only ticket I've ever recieved was for $6. Yup, six damn dollars. I'd parked my car and forgotten to put any money in the little parking meter thing; I came out about 10 minutes later and saw this damn piece of paper sitting there. I mailed them some change and had done with it...got a letter back a while later saying, "We got your money, but don't ever send up change again." That letter is now framed on my wall, right beside my door.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 17:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
aahahaha, glad to be of service.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-13 17:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Every time someone spells my username zalkawe I worry about a flag rising on some terror alert network.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 17:16:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit! Thank you people! (except zalkawe's link)
You see, us frog canadians use a lot of english words when it comes to tools and such. Because who wants to say "mastique à calfeutrage" or some shit? Sounds way too uptight. But as time goes by, we fuck up the pronounciation so I always thought it was "corkin'". Now I know it's "caulking". OMG, WHAT A TESTIMONY, CALL OPRAH!!
Okay. Back to work.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 17:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
aaahahah, those are some great T-shirts. I like the "Caulky" "Poor Man's Bidet" and "Fo' Sheezy" ones. The Middle Eastern Marathon one is great as well.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-13 17:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.shamplade.com/store_ver02/caulky.html
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 17:07:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Look up caulk. It is a the adhesive substance used in between tiles, for example. I just made it an adjective as it sounds almost the same as cocky and is more appropriate for me.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 17:06:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul, it was a pun.
Caulk is a substance used by plumbers et. al to seal cracks and prevent leaking.
It sounds very similar to the word "cock."
Not really a word.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 17:04:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AJ - yes, I referrenced Harry Potter. The next best thing in English literature after Shakespears.
I looked up caulky, it doesn't exist. What is it?
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-12-13 17:03:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"... and take shit at face value. "
Herpes, WTF?
Christ. There are some seriously stupid replies up here.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Why did this turn into a debate about women using the system?
Holy fuck. I read this, and even though it wasn't the most entertaining post I've ever read, it didn't make me want to attack the author over whatever woman-hater reason I may have. Some people need to get the sand out of their vaginas, and take shit at face value.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried talking my way out of a ticket once. It didn't work.
I decided to try Maiorano's trick next time.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's like you read my mind. Are you an angel?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:46:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
zakalwe - it's ok. All is forgiven. I understand your need to lash out for attention occasionally. Your daddy never loved you and your mother "loved" you every night. I understand. Any time you need to talk, I'm here for you.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm actually probably more caulky than cocky, but one has appearances to maintain.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:43:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you just reference Harry Potter???
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Seriously, did you?
I've never read the books or seen the movies, but that name sounds familiar.
Fetish is more like a Jehovah's Witness if you ask me.
Knocking on your door whether you want him there or not. You feel bad treating him like shit, but you can't help it. He's Fetish!
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:42:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicole, I think you're on to something here. The only time I got out of a ticket was when I was kind of lost, and well, actually he didn't pull me over for anything serious. It was a Friday night and I looked like a dumbass, so I'm sure he thought I was drunk. And I wasn't, it was sheer stupidity as usual.
So on second thought, the whole thing probably is a myth. It doesn't make much sense anyway.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:42:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
True. With Fetish gone I need someone new to spam my entire history every now and then.
Signed up over 7 months ago, and I'm still a newbie? What kind of system is that?
Sure you're a great person Nicole, but felt like flaming an established user for a change. Bitch.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:42:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Caulain - Me, confident? Of course. Overly so? I don't think it is possible.
aahahaha
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:39:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fetish is like Voldemort. Don't mention his name or he'll come back. And who wants that?
I never thought that english "literature" could be useful someday.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:37:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Zak- That number was half and half.
First half- The reason you haven't seen much from Nicole is you haven't been here that long, and she used to post a lot more than she does now.
Second half- Meant to piss you off so you'd get angry and try and start a fight with me.
With Fetish gone I need a new arch-enemy.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:35:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
zakalwe - I haven't been posting much in the past 8-10 months. Here, I'm feeling friendly. Get to know me:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/11782 This one is on BoredatWork
http://www.ubersite.com/m/16788 I think this is one of Loren's favorites, only because she likes to see me in pain.
I'm too lazy to look up any more. I'm also one to never defend myself on certain fronts - intelligence or looks. So, it is pretty useless to attck me using those.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:35:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I used to get out of tickets because the cops all knew my "pa". Yes indeed, got to love the good ole boys with badges and guns.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"79% of women and 78% of men had NEVER been able to talk their way out of a ticket."
15% of them most have lied because that's what women do. 78-15=63. 63% is, from the last figure I've seen, near the percentage of overweight adults in the United States. No hog could ever talk her way out of beating from her husband, much less a speeding ticket.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:34:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
8350? What you trying to say? You really are a fucking tool.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's extremely ironic that I'm eating a bite-sized tootsie roll at this very moment...
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:53:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Kaelic does have a valid point. Women shouldn't TRY to play the system in the first place. Stereotype or not. But then again, there is a downside to this. Any woman who uses her looks for her own advantages, will be treated accordingly to what she is, a warm piece of flesh with boobs and a vagina which should be paid the same respect than a blowup doll.
=====
Not to make a circular argument, but if women weren't treated like "a warm piece of flesh with boobs and a vagina" in the first place, they would have never learned to play the system. It only works if men let us, anyway, and as long as men keep letting us, we'll keep doing it. So shape up, men, and stop falling for the vulnerable female trick.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:29:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA
Well played.
Where the hell've you been, sublime?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried to find some stats on gender based differences in tickets but everything I found just gave a number without relating it to the actual number of female/male drivers on the roador the number of warnings, so they are completely useless. I did find one survey that found that 79% of women and 78% of men had NEVER been able to talk their way out of a ticket. Not much difference there.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sublime - because he lives in Iowa. I hear they don't know shit down there. And obviously, they don't because I can totally fuck the deep bottom an uterus with my semen hose.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:23:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
8350.
Caul, I'd like to wager 5 1/4 inches to get the ball rolling.
Nothing personal, but you are French Canadian. ;)
-----------------------------------------------------
Why does aj always act as if he knows what he is talking about?
oooooo an alliteration.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
8350.
Caul, I'd like to wager 5 1/4 inches to get the ball rolling.
Nothing personal, but you are French Canadian. ;)
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey I'm just being a dick Davros. Nothing likes abusing anonymous people over the internet to ease those feelings of low self-worth.
Plus I've only ever seen Nicole post stuff about Ubercon before and this wasn't much good either. Anyway, uhhhh...you suck.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"If you really want to have a serious argument, **let me know and I'll hand your ass to you**, but it needs to be about a serious subject,"
A bit too confident, are we?
My penis is a very serious matter to me and I bet you don't know what size it is.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like nicole. she's fiesty and sheisty.
by the way, i have gotten pulled over 12 times in my life, received 5 written tickets, and gotten off of 5 of them.
i don't have boobs, i'm not a pussy, and i'm not gay. just really good at getting out of tickets.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:16:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Unfortunately some of us don't have advantages to use.
My only speeding ticket came from a Highway Patrolman on a road that they're not even supposed to patrol. I live about a 40 minutes away from school. Unfortunately, that 40 minutes turns into almost an hour for an 8 AM class what with the congestion of everyone driving in at that time. One morning I had a test in the 8 AM class and woke up at 7:15. I realized I was fucked and sped down the road, going about 67 in a 55.
I came to the top of the hill and saw a school bus passing me on the left. Right behind said bus was that bastard patrolman. I knew he had me pegged, so I just slowed down until I saw him turn the cherries on, then I pulled over.
He asked me where I was headed, so I told him that I was going to school and that I had a test at 8 AM. Didn't tell him that to try and get off of it, just to try and help speed things along. He still gave me a ticket and in his gracious nature knocked two whole miles per hour off the speed. I ended up being 20 mins. late for the test.
It's times like those that I wish I were a woman. Then I look at the money I save by not having to buy pads and other feminine products and I pat my penis on the head congratulatorily.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(keep my rating average up)
I'd do anything I could to get out of a ticket. Why? Because that is the way the whole world works. hookups, favors, etc. You never know when a favor may come in handy, so network network network..
Either that or I am a corrupt, cynical bastard. But people owe me..
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"...you have to play to his weakness. Make yourself look weak, helpless, and pitiful so that he wants to help you"
Or...
You could give him a blowjob. That always works for Jonukah.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So according to you guys, you should use any advantage that you might have to try and get out of a ticket. Don't mention that you know so-and-so in the police force, don't plead your case, don't try and explain yourself, nothing. That is bull-shit. EVERYONE does it and to not do so would put yourself at a disadvantage. You'll just end up paying higher insurance rates to subsidize others' driving habits.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I've never been the most dainty example of the female sex." - I'm ugly
"I preferred to spend my time outside riding my bike down steep, cactus covered hills, building forts to battle the neighbor kids" - I'm bi.
"I mean, I'm not hideous" - I'm really ugly.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Unfortunately Zakalwe this is not true.
She is a very attractive specimin.
Iseen it with my own eyes.
-Dave
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It doesn't appear that anything really rhymes with Kaelic. I entered in Gaelic to see if there were any other rhyming words and nothing came up.
http://www.rhymezone.com/
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 16:01:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How many times can I use the word "serious" in a reply?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:59:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus Christ. It wasn't a fucking argument, Caulain. I was just saying that Gaylick sounds like something an 8 year old would make up but used a fucking = sign as is it quicker to type than a 30 word sentence. I stopped having serious arguments on this site about a year ago when I realized I was only smashing my head against a wall. If you really want to have a serious argument, let me know and I'll hand your ass to you, but it needs to be about a serious subject, not something stupid like this as it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously in the first place.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:58:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, COME ON, PEOPLE!
Don't make me dust off the gloves. I've been behaving of late.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This argument and dumbass equation "Gaylick = 3rd grade. Kocklick = 7th grade" = 1st grade.
Kaelic does have a valid point. Women shouldn't TRY to play the system in the first place. Stereotype or not. But then again, there is a downside to this. Any woman who uses her looks for her own advantages, will be treated accordingly to what she is, a warm piece of flesh with boobs and a vagina which should be paid the same respect than a blowup doll.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How about Gaytrick? or... Nodick?
No dice?
What then do you think of the names "silly pickle" or "Neil Patrick Harris"?
I like those best, but not for you.
For you, I would stick with something like NYSmooveChest47.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to pick random fights with people more often. Just for kicks.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post translated:
"I've never been the most dainty example of the female sex." - I'm ugly
"I preferred to spend my time outside riding my bike down steep, cactus covered hills, building forts to battle the neighbor kids" - I'm bi.
"I mean, I'm not hideous" - I'm really ugly.
"The trooper then returned to his car for few minutes, giving me enough time to (masturbate furiously)" - then I blew him.
"As he walked away I sat there, utterly stunned" - his cum dripping down my cheek.
"I'm starting to prepare for my next possible ticket by practicing my puppy-dog eyes, trembling lips and helpless voice." - and deepthroating monster cocks.
"Gag. I get sick just thinking about it." - it was SOOO big.
The more I see of Kaelic, the more I like him. Even if his e-mail address is fucking gay.
scarletrumpranger.at.yahoo.com
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gaylick sounds way more childish than does Kocklick, for some reason. Gaylick = 3rd grade. Kocklick = 7th grade.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:45:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Nicole, Loren and a kiddie pool full of strawberry jello."
That is what I asked the Santa down at the mall for Christmas this year before I peed my pants while sitting on his lap.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought you deserved one for old time's sake. Actually, I can't think of you in any other way than Kocklick, blame it on Sloren.
AJ, sorry, but there really isn't anything to argue about. Unless one of us can produce figures on the rates at which each sex get let off instead of receiving a ticket it is just going to be a he-said/she-said your an illiterate fucktard who was raped by your daddy at age three to the point where you shit yourself at least twice a day kind of argument and I don't find those very fun.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You know what kills me? Kocklick and Kaelic don't sound anything alike. Gaylick, now that sounds like Kaelic and is at least semi-clever, assuming you think that you made it up for the first time all by yourself.
It's like someone saying, "Yeah, why don't you shutup Nicstupidole!" What an amazing play on your name, huh? I just made that up.
There has got to be more intelligent out there ...
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:42:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
me too.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:39:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha.
I was asking myself when Kenny would find this.
I hope there's a fight. It's been too long since I've seen a good one on Uber. It's all about ratings and hits and heat these days. Booooooooring. C'mon, someone get into it. Please?
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Kocklick? Wow, that was so original and fresh. Good one, Loren ... I mean Nicole! Damn, you are clever. The fact is it's a stereotype because it's true. Women get out of tickets a lot more than men do. Luckily, the only men who let them are the kind that are desperately bitch whipped and want pussy (not like anyone would want yours, don't worry).
From the bottom of my heart, I -2 thee.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, Kocklick, you did read the comment about how men think that women get out of tickets all the time. The truth is, they don't and that is what this was about. It is just a stereotype.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I will be in Phoenix permanently as of Jan 3. I'll be coming back East for New Years and then I am out there for good, except for the occasional trip back for work/school/friends. I'll make a post with some pics of the new digs, when I find the new digs.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Or ... or, try this: Don't fucking speed. Reading a post about another way a woman is going to be able to manipulate the system in ways a man cannot is setting off my misogyny alarm. You can bet I'd still give your ass the ticket.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:29:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The puppy dog look has worked for me in the past.
And I would all just like to add that
I find it humiliating and disgusting what
woman must do to get out of speeding tickets.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:28:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That reminds me.
When are you going to be making the move down south?
Or have you already?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's it AJ? I thought they would hum the american anthem with my cock in their mouth or something. Fucking stereotypes keep misleading me.
Nicole, don't know. I just had a nice annual raise this morning though. But right now, I just want to go on holidays.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:24:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't make it this weekend as I will be in Arizona (just a tad warmer than Montreal). You are coming to Las Vegas, aren't you?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:22:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The main difference b/w the American and Canadian versions is that the female/homosexual male doesn't wear thermal gloves to do the deed down here.
Except Montana, the Dakotas, Alaska, and northern Minnesota.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and sorry about the ticket. Reducing it by 12 mph only knocks off $30! That is still going to hurt.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:21:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
87 huh...what exit?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Western Texas and Western Kansas.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not arguing that it wasn't cold, love. But for me Montreal is south. I come from up north. Two years ago I went on vacation there around the same time of year and I remember that on November 1st, it was around -17 F, winds not included.
But that's not the point. The point is that you shamefully snobbed me. But I'm not one to hold grudge, you can drive here this week-end and give me a blowjob, american style (I wonder if they are different).
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Despite the fact that I am charming, manipulative, slutty when I need to be, and beautiful, I got a speeding ticket today. In fact only about an hour and a half ago. 52 in a 35.
He had mercy on me because I was cool about it and didn't try to deny that I was speeding. He told me to plead not guilty, and he would reduce it to 40 in a 35 at the magistrate hearing. Which reduces the fine cost by about 30 bucks and I will have no points against my license.
Where did you grow up?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Trying to tell us your nips were standing at attention?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:09:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was about 10 deg F with windchills well below 0 F. In my book, that is cold for so early in the season. They were even talking about the cold front on the news so I know I wasn't the only one.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-13 15:01:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:59:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"While I was complaining at age 13 to my mother about the fact that when it was absolutely sweltering outside my brothers could go topless whereas I couldn't"
Go topless on Uber, I am sure no-one would mind.
Enjoyed the story too. (But for some reason can't get the image out of my mind).
-Dave
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:48:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Even though I spent much of this weekend in my bed, recovering from alchool and drug abuse, I remember it wasn't cold at all. But then again, I cannot grasp how millions of people can live in a hot humid place like L.A. Must be a habit thing. Silly americans living in sewers =P
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree, I moved to florida when i was younger and moved back a month later because it was too hot
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:48:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Even though I spent much of this weekend in my bed, recovering from alchool and drug abuse, I remember it wasn't cold at all. But then again, I cannot grasp how millions of people can live in a hot humid place like L.A. Must be a habit thing. Silly americans living in sewers =P
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Flash them your emu picture....that thing is now my desktop wallpaper and it cracks me up everytime I close a window.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CC - It didn't even hit me. Sorry. I did enjoy using my French, even if it wasn't on your schlong.
It was so fucking cold that weekend.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:33:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was going to be about you giving up the gym and decided to eat bon bons and let your ass expand.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:36:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GodChicken - aahahaha. No, my ass is big enough. It doesn't need any help from any bon-bons.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:35:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You came to my city and didn't drop by to give me a handjob or something?
I thought americans were generous...
At least, you feel sick about it. So you haven't morph into a manipulative super bitch yet.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was going to be about you giving up the gym and decided to eat bon bons and let your ass expand.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:29:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can relate.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Try offering to do them in the pooper. Cops in the US are world-renowned for their great senses of humor.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:27:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA
Show 'em cleavage.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be going to the next Ubercon Vegas....hopefully.
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You just figured out how to get out of a ticket? Sheesh i better not become a cop, then everyone is getting a ticket from me, helpless or not.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-12-13 14:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sign up for UberCon Las Vegas:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/53980