Hey Buddy (883 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Untruth
Rating: 1.71 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2004-12-16 10:43:03 EST
HEY BUDDY
Give me your empty eyes and your rotting grin.
Give me your bullshit greeting and your hidden malice.
Fill me to bursting with lost dreams and hidden crimes.
I'll take it all. I'll cower under the weight of your Needlechains. I'll set you free if only for a moment.
I'll put you on the path to redemption and give you a heartbeat or two of half-assed purity before you set yourself back on the path to destruction.
Let me see the hate you hold for what I am. Show me how much you despise me for having more and feeling less.
Here's your chance, your one shot at redemption.
I'll take your place. I'll swap souls. I'll wrap myself in your filthy cloak and clothe your bones with my precious pretensions.
Take everything that makes me worthwhile. Take it and stain it with your shit. Rip it and color it with your failures and despair.
Here it is. It's yours for the asking. I don't want it anymore.
Try it on and see what you might have been.
Or better yet.
Go ask for spare change from someone else you filthy fucking Bum.
User Reviews
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-12-19 16:28:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Twas just a joke.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-17 10:22:00 (#)
You and Circe have raised the bar too high for me to do that
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I try never to raise any bars, I'm far too lazy to hold them
up, and they hurt when I inevitably drop one end on my big toe.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Thus spake the man pig.
-=-=-=-=-=-
If you say it "Also Sprach das Mannschwein" it sounds more
operatic. I wouldn't speculate on what kind of teutonic booby
pics it gets you though...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-17 10:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn I'm glad I wrote this.
These are the most interesting reviews I've got in a long time.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-17 10:22:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LadyPlural,
I know exactly where you're coming from and your absolutely right. This wasn't meant to represent anyone you have mentioned. Like I said, this represents about 5 minutes of rage I felt, and is directed at the 0.09% of the homeless population that have simply thrown their life away, and hate the rest of us for their mistakes.
Coyote,
Most of my stuff is dark as hell. I'll grant you that, but trust me when I say I giggle my ass off when I'm writing alot of it. If I lightened up any more, I'd be paintshop drawings of stick men with gratuitous use of the words "Peener" and "Baginer" in every one.
You and Circe have raised the bar too high for me to do that.
I'm not sure why so many females seem to like my stuff (or anyone for that matter) but if it puts things into perspective... I haven't recieved one single pic of boobies in my email box.
I'll know I've arrived when that happens.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Thus spake the man pig.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-12-17 03:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lighten up, pal, all I said was "Damn, how do you get all the chicks with your stories, could I have one or two of the ideas you're not using?"
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-16 22:59:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well-written, but I just didn't approve of the message. I mean, yeah, plenty of homeless people are just bums trying to get another hit of whatever, but others aren't. Shit, even some of the ones who are just trying to get another hit just don't function well in society but can't afford to or aren't quite out of it enough to be institutionalized. I don't know...
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2004-12-16 21:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I lived in England it used to mildly piss me off that people would ask me for money while I was on my way to work. If they are able bodied they should be doing the same thing (going to work that is) not expecting free hand outs.
I'm not talking about the obviously crazy old men hobbos but rather the normally dressed able bodied 20 something year olds.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-16 20:16:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In something this short, and this... sparse... the ability to give your reader the sense that they can see everything that's gone before, everything that led to this one moment, is a sign of a rare gift indeed.
Well done.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-16 18:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I definitely made Needlechains up.
I do that alot with my short prose.
Submitted by Tickle (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:55:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
re: needlechains. I think you made that up. Although it reminds me of this article I read in the Georgia Strait about how hookers new to the east side will smoke crack off tinfoil before shooting up because of vanity. I guess tracks are out this year and baffling mental disease from tinfoil fumes combined with crack is in.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bro,
Wasn't planning on Vegas.
I would check out the Vangroovy one for sure though.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Snark, are you goin' to Vegas? I'm also planning Ubercon Vancouver late in the summer. We'll talk.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-16 14:30:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahhhhh,
Thanks Hun.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-16 14:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another because I Wuv YOU!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-16 14:24:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude...that zero was a mistake. A big mistake.
Thank you for pointing it out.
I thought this was great. Hence the WHOA!
Submitted by Xena (user info) at 2004-12-16 12:48:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here! Here!!!
I agree all too well with the last line! any of you who say you have nothing against bums...must live in small towns and not encounter them all too often?!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-16 12:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha
TigerLilly,
Did I shock you or something?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-12-16 11:57:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoa!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-16 11:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, what wazza said...
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-12-16 11:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-16 11:35:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-16 11:04:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't have anything against bums either really.
This is more of a representation of how I felt for a total of 5 minutes after about the 25th person asked me for change in a 15 minute time period.
It's more aimed at the 20 something dude that asks for your money, when you can clearly see he could give a shit if you lived or died, and would probably prefer the latter.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-12-16 11:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Daaaamn...
I've got nothing against bums. Most of them are not psychologically well enough to function in normal society, and yet not messed up enough to be completely institutionalized.
It's the fucking street kids that piss me off.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-16 10:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Needlechains are bullshit speak for drug addiction.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-16 10:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What are Needlechains?
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-12-16 10:55:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And the last line was the clincher.
+ motherfuckin' 10, but since the highest rating I can bestow upon you here is 2, it'll have to do.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-16 10:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-12-16 10:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Printing and memorising.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-16 10:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I apologize for the lack of Christmas spirit or charity or kindness... or anything worthwhile in this post.
Necro 28 will be up tomorrow.