The Girlfriend Update (1259 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.72 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nomad <Drainoe.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-12-16 23:35:17 EST
A few people have asked me to post an update on my whole fiasco which can be found here:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52799 - Crisis Averted
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52796 - Let's do this right
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52757 - Guys she's fucked
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52746 - Falling in love again
Well, basically my friends, I am now in a relationship.
An uneasy relationship. See friends, the truth is (if there is one thing that I do on Ubersite that I have a problem with in real life, it is openess and honesty) that I am not used to being cared about. Or loved.
No, that is not a "poor me" statement. Because interestingly enough I am with someone that acctually cares, and loves me. I suppose I have a problem with that.
I have a problem with that because some fucked up part of me wont believe it. And now that I have it, I'm having a tough time investing that last little bit of emotional stock into the situation because if I do and it turns out that I'm wrong, I'm fucked.
Yeah, I'm one of those sensitive fuckers. I take things personally. I don't joke around well. I don't play around, I don't say things that I don't mean, I don't spar with my friends.
For me it's pretty black and white. You're with me or you aren't. You said it and you meant it, or you wouldn't have said it. If your arm comes at me in a punching motion, I CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PLAYING AROUND AND THROWING A PUNCH. Meaning that either:
A: I'm going to back off because I'm pretty sure you're kidding but need to see for sure or
B: I'm going to hurt you badly because I think you're acctually trying to fight me. And if you are trying to fight me I'm going to assume that you are trying to kill me.
Yes, I am that fucked up. Like I said, black or white.
So basically, if you reach that point with me where you are "with me", I'll do anything. You've got me. I'm your man. And I'll never let you down. I'm not just talking about with women. I have two friends that I know would take a bullet for me.
But a woman. AH! Now we open a fresh can of worms. Honest to God truth?
I wish I were gay. I don't have a problem with women in a platonic sense, none whatsoever. But when things get into relationship stuff, I think that most women are nasty, powerhungry bitches from hell that want to dominate and control a man.
And I don't even think they know it.
I have a problem spending my money on dates. I don't buy women drinks.
"Hi cutie, buy me a drink?"
"Sure baby, mind if I get a blowjob?"
"What did you say?"
"What, you want a free drink right? Is it so much to ask that you return the favor?"
"You fucking pervert! You better not be around when my boyfriend gets here!"
See something wrong there?
Let's face it: Women use men that fall into my stereotype. Sensitive. Attentive. Sweet. Caring.
Well, no woman will use this sensitive, attentive, sweet, caring man. I may be sensitive, but I still got a pair.
Be true to me and I'll be true to you. I'll give you the world. Otherwise, thanks for the fuck and see ya later. You want to play games? Go to the fucking arcade, I don't have the patience for that shit.
Surprisingly however, I find that standing up to my girlfriend on that stuff is a hell of alot harder than I thought it would be. Because I have genuine feelings for her. I also see myself putting quite a bit of resources into this (money, time, emotions, energy) and I'm not sure I'm getting enough back.
For one thing, I don't like the whole, "It's my body" card. While those words are rarely used, it's a pretty common tactic. Your girlfriend knows you want her. So she uses physical stuff as a reward. She keeps you off guard. That's not ok.
Look, if you aren't in the mood, fine. If you don't want to cuddle, fine. But at least have some kind of consistency. And don't make it a reward. Women talk about the degrading things that men do? Well, heh, I give my dog a treat when it doesn't shit in the house.
I reward it for good behavior.
Baby, do I look like a fucking dog to you?
My girlfriend drives me fucking nuts. On monday she's all over me. On friday she looks at me with that, "In your dreams pal" look .
Sometimes she is open and loving. Other times she nitpicks at every little thing.
All in all, right now, tonight, at this moment in time, I feel used.
Tomorrow I'll probably feel great about our relationship.
"Well man, I shouldn't have to tell you what to do. If you feel used, you need to get out of that relationship."
I'd agree if I were looking at it from an outside perspective. I would 100% agree. But, I can't do that right now. Remember black and white? Well I'm with her. When I make a committment I stick to it and give it my all.
And yes, I understand by taking that stance that whatever may happen to me, good or bad, it's my own damn fault.
She can really be great. When she's in "monday" mode. When it's "friday" mode though, I have to stop myself from kicking her out of my place sometimes.
I'm just going to keep the faith and work at it. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this relationship really work. But it's hard, it's real hard to invest that last bit of stock, that last bit of reserved trust when it's not working great. Get what I mean?
Let me put it this way:
What happens when you buy stock and the market crashes?
You lose everything.
User Reviews
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-12-28 18:48:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I recommend not paying attention to her for days on end. Go out of your way to avoid her. If she's around, then you'll need to at least say hi. Trust me, a few days alone and she'll be ready to go. For a day or two. Then you repeat the cycle. You can also try pheromones. Actually, don't listen to me, I cannot sustain a successful relationship for any amount of time. Best of luck.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-12-28 18:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
" I CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PLAYING AROUND AND THROWING A PUNCH."
___
Boy, you sure picked the wrong place to hang out then, eh?
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-12-22 06:57:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-12-19 23:03:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you just dump this bitch. Seriously man. If you want her complete attention, and you want her to worship the ground you walk on, fuck her really hard, and dump her right after. It's not that fucking hard to do. Jesus Christ!
The second you dump her, and tell her to get lost forever, is the second she falls in love with you. Just fucking do it. What have you got to lose? Nothing! Nothing fucker. She's gonna pull that shit on you as soon as you get attached, so fuck her first.
----------------
You made me chuckle. A nice early morning chuckle. Thanks! That was funnier than my sex life. heheheh.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-12-19 23:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you just dump this bitch. Seriously man. If you want her complete attention, and you want her to worship the ground you walk on, fuck her really hard, and dump her right after. It's not that fucking hard to do. Jesus Christ!
The second you dump her, and tell her to get lost forever, is the second she falls in love with you. Just fucking do it. What have you got to lose? Nothing! Nothing fucker. She's gonna pull that shit on you as soon as you get attached, so fuck her first.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2004-12-19 22:47:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:24:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:07:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-11-30 12:17:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2004-11-28 17:10:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AlkalineSolo (user info) at 2004-11-28 14:18:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-11-28 14:08:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
ubmitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-11-28 13:38:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DataForge22 (user info) at 2004-11-28 13:01:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-28 10:24:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Oscar (user info) at 2004-11-28 09:44:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-27 19:23:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2004-11-27 18:04:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:55:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:52:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:48:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:43:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
now break up with her
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-12-17 19:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Young people + "In a relationship" = Waste of time.
--
What happens when you buy stock and the market crashes?
You lose everything.
---
Not if you diversify your portfolio...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-17 19:36:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If your tits were bigger I'd swear you were a broad. It's obvious that you have the pussy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-17 19:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OK...WHO asked you to "post an update"? I need proof.
Then, I'll kill that person.
Submitted by Academy (user info) at 2004-12-17 19:31:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54622
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-12-17 19:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And to everyone else...
Yeah, I'm a fucking melodramatic headcase.
....
K.
Doesn't really change much...
Yep.
This one time I ate a bee and it bit my belly and it tickled too much so I fuck your mother.
Fear the crazy bastard that I am.
Ever try writing whatever comes into your head?
"Blasted pussy up my ass on a fucking wintergreen marsh of endless desiries built upon god but fallen with steve at work who laughs loud and likes to drink big ass."
Analyze that.
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-12-17 19:23:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Munkey, per usual your advice and insight is much appreaciated.
You asked me if I really thought I was ready for a serious relationship. My only answer to that is that if I'm not ready now, I never will be.
The other things your said helped put things into perspective for me. Like about how she feels, how it isn't all about me.
Basically, I shouldn't take everything so personally, because her reaction might have absolutley nothing to do with me.
I think she just pulled into my driveway. You know, for all my bitching and picking at things, the truth is that I really love this girl.
I am my own worst enemy. My insecurities cause problems that I don't even realize that they cause.
She's coming to my door right now, and when she rings the door bell, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to be happy to see her, and I'm going to do my damndest, despite my insecurites, to make this thing work!
Submitted by Thunder (user info) at 2004-12-17 10:53:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, I need to tell you right now that this sounds almost exactly like one of my exes and myself. I was so happy when I was with her....then she told me how many guys she'd had sex with before me. not something I wanted to hear. I tried to ignore it because I really liked her. For a while after everything was ok, then all the sudden I was controlling (because she said she was going somewhere with someone and wouldn't tell me who and I demanded to know...common courtesy folks...) and everything else a woman calls a guy in a relationship. She was all loving and cuddly and sweet and anything else you'd want in a woman. Then, for some reason she just changed. She was no longer fun and sweet, but an annoying bitch. All she wanted to do was piss me off purposely. Needless to say it didn't end on a good note.
All I can tell you is to try to work it out if you want, but don't hope too much on it being a happy ending.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-17 10:38:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously... think about it.
Are you ready for a serious relationship?
Be honest now.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-17 10:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You express your feelings very well.
You also overanalyze. No person, no situation, no relationship is perfect. If you purposely
set out to anazlyze every little flaw you will find them.
When you overanalyze... when you really delve deep into a comment or attitude... you are
looking for the negative aspects, yes? Maybe twist a few things around to fit your
negative expectations of a relationship?
You will drive yourself crazy because the conclusions
you come to may or may not be right which could set off a chain reaction of depression and
anxiety.
Are you sure it isn't you? You seem to be the overanalyzing type. You could just be
too pessimistic. Like you said you find it
Women aren't always in the mood. Maybe some days she feels fat
and undesirable. Some days we just don't want to be touched.
Now, that is very different from what you described. You describe her as some evil selfish
woman out to make you unhappy. Maybe she is not.
You know why I say all of this? I know how you think. I was there once.
I have read every one of your posts and we think alike.
You don't believe that someone can actually care for you and love you.
Right there. You are looking for the problem with this scene.
"Wait! Someone cares about me? There MUST be something wrong with this. and if I look hard
enough I'll figure it out!" That's not fertile grounds for a healthy relationship.
Which is why I can't stress this enough. Get your head right first.
You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else, sweetie.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-17 10:32:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Amateur diagnosis: You have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-17 10:11:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Break up with the cunt
How many people need to tell you this?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-12-17 09:51:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought you were into dudes.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-12-17 08:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the biggest drama queen on uber: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=5025
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-17 07:40:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
are you autistic?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-12-17 07:20:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cookie and Ferret are correct and wise.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-17 00:43:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
we've all been there man. I can't offer advice, but I can and will wish you good luck.
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2004-12-17 00:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-12-17 00:00:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
sugar, "real" women don't treat decent guys like that. Only childish, insecure, manipulative bitches behave that way. "Real" women want to be loving and attentive and sweet just as much as you do. And bitches never change. You're in for a real ride.
____________
You're totally right. Except for a very, very few. I was once a spoiled bitch, and I did change- but it took some serious pain, time, and effort. Actually, to put it in perspective, I wouldn't say I was a real woman at all until I went through some real heartache. I guess it's like on Conan (the barbarian, not O'Brien) "What does not kill you makes you stronger."
Cookielass, I had this idea that you were Scottish/lived in Scotland? Your words sound Southern.
Ferretnose
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-12-17 00:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hey man, don't say we didn't warn you. I guess you just gotta learn like the rest of us schmucks.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:24:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:07:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by funkchomper (user info) at 2004-11-30 12:17:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2004-11-28 17:10:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AlkalineSolo (user info) at 2004-11-28 14:18:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-11-28 14:08:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
ubmitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-11-28 13:38:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DataForge22 (user info) at 2004-11-28 13:01:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-11-28 10:24:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Oscar (user info) at 2004-11-28 09:44:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-11-27 19:23:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2004-11-27 18:04:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:55:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:52:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:48:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2004-11-27 17:43:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
now break up with her
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-12-17 00:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sugar, "real" women don't treat decent guys like that. Only childish, insecure, manipulative bitches behave that way. "Real" women want to be loving and attentive and sweet just as much as you do. And bitches never change. You're in for a real ride.
Submitted by tlovess (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I know you won't change just because some person on Uber says this, but, "Lighten up, dear." I don't mean take the relationship lightly. I mean, don't analyze every little thing that happens with this girlfriend of yours. Don't over analyze outside of this relationship. You will drive yourself into depression and anxiety, which sounds to me like the way you are headed. I'm not a shrink, nor do I profess to be any sort of expert on this. But I did used to be kind of like this, and I have changed quite a bit. Maybe you can diminish some of this negative dwelling. I wish I know how to tell you to do it. I know what works for me, but it certainly doesn't work for everyone. Good luck.
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:53:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You are adept at expressing yourself.
I've only hitwhored one other time that I can remember, but I think this time would be fitting:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/36567
Ferretnose
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(The +2 is for the honesty that I believe that you are showing here as well for the situation that you are in)
Ok, to be perfectly honest, I have been in a situation that was similar to the one that you are finding yourself in and it sucked. For me it was not that we were not having sex (quite the opposite) it was more along the lines of the sex that she was having with other people as well.
I loved her more than I thought was possible, she always claimed that she loved me as well, I knew in my heart of hearts that it would never work out, but I stayed for over 2 years telling myself that it was not really true. That it would not ever happen again.
I know that you will never follow the advice of random person you never met, but I could not let this post go by without at least attempting to persuade you.
Break it off.
It will hurt like hell for a little while, but it will be worth it in the long run. The longer you stay the more you will compromise yourself and the longer it will take to be able to get past it.
It took me almost 2 years to get past it, and I sometimes still get upset by it.