God Fucking (770 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wasabi <medicatedgoo.at.123mail.org> (View user info) at 2004-12-17 01:37:52 EST
"What now? Who did you say you are?" I asked the abnormally tall and disturbingly attractive male who blocked my way to the pub. The pub was at least two blocks away, so I suppose I had multiple routes to achieve my destination, but he was blocking the way I ALWAYS go. I wasn't about to change my routine for this deeply handsome man.
OK, I think maybe I should elaborate on his beauty. I'm no fag. I mean, I have nothing against homos at all, although my language used in describing them might lead one to believe otherwise. I'm just not gay myself. I've never had the slightest inclination to take it up the rear or suck pole. I mean, I've fucked a bitch up the ass, like that Thai hooker in Jersey, but that's a story for a different day. I bring this up, because, despite my incredible heterosexuality and unabashed acts of manliness, this man in front of me was just simply the most beautiful creature I'd ever looked upon.
Let's not forget that he blocked my path to the pub. And, to make matters worse, he said this:
"I'm Dionysus. Bacchus if you prefer."
Shit. That's what I thought he said the first time. I let out a slight laugh, as if amused. I wasn't. I was pissed. "Like the Roman God?" I asked him. Well, one name is Roman, and the other Greek, but God be damned if I was gonna elaborate with this incredibly striking stranger.
"Not like the Roman God, or Greek God... THE God Dionysus. I am him," he told me point blank. And beautifully. FUCK THESE THOUGHTS! Christ, I was on my way to meat Chalice, the easiest and most beautiful slut in these parts, and I was gonna get me some pink tonight! Fuck this weirdo.
"Alllllll right. Good for you. Go model some underwear or something, and get the hell outta my way. I've got Jagers to slam and ho's to bang." Hah. That's how one handles strange desires to take it up the ass. You can't out-argue alcohol and raw naked women. Unless you're gay. Which I'm not. Did I mention that?
He did not seem amused. In fact, at this point, he did not seem to be a "he" any more. He was more androgynous, more unisexual in nature at this point. What the hell? I hadn't even had one drink yet. "Perhaps you don't understand what I'm saying to you," he started. "You've been chasing false idols your whole life, reading false prophets, and worshipping objects. You've forgotten your inner carnal beauty. I'm here to bring that out of you."
Bring my carnal nature out? I almost cold-cocked him then and there, but something in me stayed my hand. His hair had been long since he stepped in front of me, but at first, I swear it was brown. Somehow, at some point, he was morphing into a blonde. AND, he was looking quite feminine. I was... well I was simply lost. I wanted my security blanket I had when I was a kid. I wanted my Aunt to hold me the way she did when my mom died. I wanted Cynthia to blow me in the back of my dad's Jeep. I wanted to go undefeated against all those pricks on Mortal Kombat again, on ONE coin. I wanted anything but this. THIS, my friends, was fucking weird. I was speech-less. He... or she... or whatever, was not.
"Yours is a culture of stupidity. You drink when you're depressed, and you slave away at a job that doesn't want you, doesn't like you, and doesn't need you. Yours is a culture of meaningless. I'm here to fix that, one person at a time. Drink should be taken when one is happy. One should be happy at ALL times. Work should be an endeavor of pleasure, not necessity. One's daily routine should not drive one to drink out of despair. Celebrate life and drink to accomplishments. Revel in the love of those around you, both spiritually AND physically. Eat. Drink. Fuck. Repeat. Create art, not 'automated software' programs. Just live."
What the fuck was going on here? He was now the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I mean forget Tomb Raider movies kids. Stop watching Baywatch, and please forget about Buffy... this bitch was THE queen. Yeah, I was shocked too.
"Take my hand, and you will awaken. The life you thought you'd mastered will disintegrate, and you will emerge into a new, more glorious life. All troubles will dissolve, and your soul will flourish."
Man... earlier, I was ready to poke HIM in the behind, but SHE, already beautiful, had now morphed into a radiant angel of pure hotness. Such a creature should have better words spoken in order to honor them, but I'm no wordsmith, like that Eminem cat. What was I supposed to do? I took her hand... his hand... it's hand...
And I fucked God.
So, like my first post, this was another stream of conscious story. I don't know where my consciousness come up with these things...
User Reviews
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-06-10 15:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by pekiti (user info) at 2005-01-13 23:29:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I fucked God," that made this post worth it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-13 23:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Polesmoker.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-12-17 13:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet god makes a good cheesecake.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-12-17 09:38:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-12-17 09:08:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
God raped my pooper.
Submitted by SAECULUM.AUREUM (user info) at 2004-12-17 09:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yum
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-12-17 08:52:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great post
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2004-12-17 05:45:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If A god (not THE god, I don't believe in perfect) wanted to fuck, and was what I consider attractive, I probably would too.
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2004-12-17 02:58:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Show of hands for everyone that found that story slightly arousing. Just me? Well, ok. I would fuck God if it were attractive hot blonde. Just as long as she promised not to turn back into a old dude with a fluffy white beard or a ball of light er some shit. What am I talking about? Good story!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-17 02:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
glad to know the character is a generous lover.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-17 02:06:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice work.
Submitted by wasabi (user info) at 2004-12-17 02:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, being Dionysus, he really DID morph into a woman.
But if it makes you feel better, the reach around was offered by my character... sicko :)
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-17 01:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you give him a reach around?
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2004-12-17 01:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright! *clap clap!* Everybody out of the gay pool.
Interesting story. I've had my fill of Bacchanalia for the night.