Fields Of Ash: Episode 2 (593 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.75 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JudasCloud (View user info) at 2004-12-17 15:26:36 EST
Hey everyone, the first episode can be found here, http://www.ubersite.com/m/54508 .
Episode 2
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<Beeeeeep>
Time to wake up General.
I know, I'm up.
Did you sleep well?
I never sleep well.
Were your dreams pleasent?
What?
Computer, delete that last question from your bank.
Delete from interaction with other persons bank as well?
No, just don't ask me that again.
Very Well, deleted from memory.
You received a transmission from Admiral Merde last night after you went to sleep.
Shall I play it for you now?
No, I'll listen to it later.
Very well. Message Saved.
It was 6:00 AM and Jim made his usual way to Walter the memory clerk.
WALTER
Ahh, Jim. Will you be buying some memories today?
Or perhaps storing some of yours for safe keeping?
JIM
You know why im here...
WALTER
You know, you're the only person who has his
dreams deleted every morning.
JIM
Please, I don't feel like talking.
WALTER
You never do.
Jim made his way to Walter, and his oh so inviting Memory Chair...
WALTER
Hold still.
JIM
Thanks, Walter.
Jim walked away, slightly satisfied with the procedure, but Walter had one last question for Jim.
WALTER
Does this really help?
JIM
I still remember exactly what I'm dreaming...Just a little...less bloody.
And with that said, Jim made his way to his room to see what Admiral Merde sent during the night.
JIM
Computer, play the transmission from Admiral Merde.
COMPUTER
Accessing...
From: Admiral Merde
Jim,
You, of course, know of our current situation. Every day we are
losing more and more ground to the Pravine Nation. At this rate,
we will lose the war in less than two years time
I have received word from a spy that Sven, their new prodigy, has
recently been promoted to Commanding General after his
devastatingly successful River Valley campaign. My sources say
he is something of a virtuoso strategist and, given the necessary
resources, could very well end this war once and for all in favor of
the Pravinites.
Worse yet, I heard yesterday that Emperor Kurfist has given him
just that: unlimited access to as much of the army as he needs.
The time has come for us to take action. Sven must be
killed before he has time to launch his crusade.
I'm sending an elite task force deep into the heart of the
Pravine Nation to assassinate him.
And on the reccomendation of General Chi, you are going
to lead it.
Meet with Chi at Fort Daresk. He is accompanying you on
your mission and will fill you in on the rest of the details.
God speed, Jim.
Your friend,
Admiral Merde
JIM
*Sigh*
JIM
Computer, I'm going to be leaving for a while.
COMPUTER
Very well. I will keep the doors locked until you return.
And with that, he made his way to the closest available ship headed toward Fort Daresk. He hopped on board the "SAF: FABLE" and began his trek to Fort Daresk.
JIM
Set auto pilot.
JIM
Destination, Fort Daresk.
Auto Pilot engaged, en route to Fort Daresk.
The ride wasnt as long as he remembered and was there fairly soon. And was greeted warmly by his old friend Chi.
GENERAL CHI
Hey, Jim.
JIM
Hello, Chi.
They walked together for awhile discussing the changes of the war. And soon began discussing the mission.
GENERAL CHI
I'm sure you're anxious to know the details of the
mission. So, I'll skip the chit chat. Follow me and we'll begin.
Chi and Jim made there way to a large building the Jim did not recognize. It was rectangular, and had 3 or 4 large satellites atop it.
GENERAL CHI
This building has a rather unique feature that most
people don't know about. It can create a huge model of the planet.
But there is a small, ongoing battle over some ore veins
that have been found. It's getting nowhere as neither nation wants to send
troops away from the main fight at the valley. This is where we come in. You, me
and a small group will sneak through the
fighting and into the uninhabited wilderness on the
other side.
GENERAL CHI
We will then enter the Pravine Nation at a town named
Sodom. According to spies, Sodom is the most vile, wretched
place on the entire planet. Prostitutes, thieves, weapon dealers and unsavory people
of all sorts populate its streets. Spies who have seen the city say it is both frightening
and fascinating to behold.
GENERAL CHI
Soon enough, we shall know for ourselves.
GENERAL CHI
All of the rich citizens of Pravine live on a small island
named Hale. Only the most socially elite and highest ranking military
officers may live there. It's also where the capital building is located. Meaning,
Emperor Kurfist and Sven can be found there.
The only problem is there is only one way onto the island. We should be able to
hire someone to help us get to Hale in Sodom. Then we kill Sven and sneak out the same way
we came in.
That is the mission.
Jim, there's something else. Merde doesn't know this, but I've been tracking Rueben. He
may, I stress may, be in the area. It is something to consider.
JIM
When do we leave?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Maybe some more episodes depending on feedback.
User Reviews
Submitted by Blizzforums (user info) at 2005-03-14 20:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow. What a pathetic, absolutely creepy psychopath you are. You didn't write this. You stole it from an AMATEUR, PLAYER-MADE VIDEO GAME. You aren't even the real creator, but you still named yourself after him. Why on earth would you copy-paste text from a Starcraft campaign and act like it was yours? Is the material really THAT GOOD as just text? You have got to be the most pathetic, untalented pervert I have ever seen on the internet. (And judging by your other posts you're also apparently a pedophile??)
Yuck.
-person who knows the real JudasCloud, and respects his video game work enough to be annoyed and frustrated with the drivel this guy made of it.
Oh, and the main characters name was Moreno, not Jim, you idiot. Jim?? Come on.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-12-18 16:14:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Another fuck you for linkwhoring from UM
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-17 20:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fetish, fetish, I made you out of gay.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-12-17 18:18:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you for linkwhoring from ubermadness
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:27:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The first one was interesting, but this was just plain painful. A series post is going to require some flow to be readable.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:20:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't Linkwhore all over peoples posts
Don't give yourself +2's, they don't affect your rating one way or another
Submitted by Academy (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:12:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ditch the Character name above each statement
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:42:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This reads more like a script than a story this time. There is no way to visualize the characters, no way to visualize their environments. We don't know anything about them except their names and that one of them has bad dreams.
If we can't identify with or relate to the characters, then the interest level drops dramatically. We need more meat in the story.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit.... I thought it said field os ASS.
damn you all to hell.
Submitted by DamienX (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:34:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. Keep it up.