The three types of woman (853 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.68 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <adamchalland.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-12-17 15:47:08 EST
A friend of mine once remarked that there are, indeed, only three types of woman.
Sluts.
Whores.
And Queen Bitches.
He used quite simple reasoning:
Sluts are after the sex.
Whores are after the sex, for the money.
And Queen Bitches are after the money, no sex.
Any woman in between, don't exist.
To say this surprised me at the time is an understatement. If every single female on earth is one of the above categories, where does that leave us? More importantly, where does that leave me? Considering the fact that I'm dirt broke, the only hope I have is with a slut. However, that could lead to what I refer to as the "Village Bicycle" situation. And anyway, I don't "do" recently spoiled goods.
I guess the only hope for mankind is to get rich and find some high-quality whores.
Unless...
"Sure there must be some women who are exceptions from this rule?!"
I exclaimed to my friend.
"What about your mother?"
I felt I had played the trump card here...
"Whore."
He replied without hesitation.
I began to rattle off a list of random names, he replied without hesitation on almost all of them. As I began to tire. Inspiration hit me like a lemon wrapped around a gold brick. He couldn't possibly label this chick.
Or could he?
It took him quite a few minutes to decide, but decide he did.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-12-20 05:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Boo.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-12-20 04:51:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Reading this made me dumber.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-12-20 04:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Inspiration hit me like a lemon wrapped around a gold brick
~~~~~~~~~~~
"like being hit with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick"
If you must use this line, being my favourite from Hitchhikers, please eithe rsay it right or make quotation marks!!
And its wrong. I am neither of the three.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-18 01:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for the reviews...thanks for sucking
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-12-18 01:47:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And anyway, I don't "do" recently spoiled goods.
------------------------
Did everyone catch that? This guy wait a week first.
SO thoughtful.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-17 19:12:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54609
Fuck Wizards, Gnomes get what they want because they earned it.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-12-17 17:04:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
attn ghey menz
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
almost funny, which makes it even funnier.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:26:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm in it for the lightbulb changing. I'm shirt and too lazy to get a ladder or a chair to stand on.
Sidenote: Scottish, it's awful dark in my flat.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:19:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Adman (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:13:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
I should really think things through and stop just spontaneously posting whatever memories come into my head. Aw well.
=========================
You typed a subliminal message
"I should really <snip> stop <snip> posting <snip>"
LISTEN TO THE VOICES
Submitted by Academy (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54602
Submitted by Adman (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:13:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I should really think things through and stop just spontaneously posting whatever memories come into my head. Aw well.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
boooooo
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There only exists these three types of women for you two because of the type of males you are:
Horny Loser - male equivalent to slut. Very common. Often gets rejected due to lackluster physical appearance and small, repugnantly aromatic penis. Rejection leads to bitter feelings towards female population as a whole, until the slow realization that they are at fault settles in. Suicide is a very common trait with this breed.
Why don't you skip the whole "finding yourself" process and get right to the end?
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:03:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oddly enough, I like this one.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There's really "four types" if we count "your mom".
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-12-17 16:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You and your friend do quite a bit of masturbating, dont you?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:50:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
smiled
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:50:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:48:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
sorry you never met a woman who who loved you. it probably started with your mom...
-----------------
Not true. I fucked his mom, and she was very loving.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
How dare you verbally slander Mother Theresa! She nursed me back to health after my motorcycle accident and even offered me a spot in heaven. I told her there was no god and then she died. True story.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:49:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good luck with that downs syndrome, fucko.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-12-17 15:48:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
sorry you never met a woman who who loved you. it probably started with your mom...