Santa to get escort! (1475 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 2 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by magnus (View user info) at 2004-12-18 13:14:59 EST
Santa to get Crackhead escort
Santa Claus is coming to town ... and in these uncertain times, he's being offered a crackhead escort through Compton and the lower east side.
Crackheads seconded to the North American CrackHead Defense Command (NACHDC) who normally spend their nights scouring the hood for crack, will scramble on Christmas Eve for a special stash.
"Santa has communicated to NACHDC that he intends to begin his journey at 3am, December 24," the Crackheads said in a 'Crack-Fever' statement.
Two 'Hardcore Pipehittin' Muthafuckers' based in Inglewood will be on standby to meet the festive visitor when he crosses into Crackhead airspace over Compton, the statement said.
Another pair of HPMs based in L.A. would see Santa off as he crossed California's west coast, presumably en route to Asia, the statement said.
NACHDC plans to use special 'Crack-Vision' to track the gift-laden sleigh pulled by Rudolf and his cracked out reindeer cronies across the night sky.
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In Other News....
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Helicopter called in to North Pole brawl
Three elves were taken to hospital yesterday after a brawl involving more than 40 small people broke out behind The Toy Shop, the latest in a string of violent incidents involving North Pole Employees.
Police were called to The Toy Shop near Santa's Manor just before 2 p.m. yesterday.
According to The Toy Shop foreman six workers had been hanging out in Brimley Woods, a magical forested area behind the Shop, when they were accosted by a large group of Reindeer Keeper Elves who are not allowed indoors.
So many elves were involved in the melee that police requested a helicopter "to help restore order."
Three elves were taken to hospital with candycane lacerations, abrasions and gingerbreading.
At a press conference at police headquarters last night, Chief Julian Fantino compared the brawl to other recent violent incidences in and around the Pole, including a swarming of Reindeer on Wednesday and the murder of 16-year-old Drew Stewart, who was scheduled for coal but was found trampled on Coxwell Avenue in Wisconsin two weeks ago after being attacked by a pack of Reindeer. Bells where found at the scene of the crime.
The Chief said 40 to 50 elves were involved in the fight and that weapons -- including tinsel -- were used.
Santa said no violence of this magnitude had occurred at the pole before and did not know what sparked the brawl.
User Reviews
Submitted by keebler (user info) at 2004-12-18 18:05:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahaha I think I shit myself
meep wtf do meep meen ?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-18 16:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the crack rock
Although now I'm getting the jitters...
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-12-18 14:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha!
Submitted by keebler (user info) at 2004-12-18 13:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA! Funny shit man!
Submitted by magnus (user info) at 2004-12-18 13:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops... sorry for giant picture!