3 a.m. IS an ungodly hour (1063 hits)
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Rating: 1.62 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2004-12-20 15:29:52 EST
Today I had to wake up at 3am in order to be to work by 5. It felt as if I was severely hung over, I was dragging my body from one task to the next. I saw my hands fiddle with the coffee filters, I saw my feet rub eachother together for warmth, I watched as I brushed my hair out. I looked at the clock, and realized it was time to head out. I was running late (as I always do), and I still had to get gas.
I filled my tank at Speedway. Well, I didn't actually fill it- it was way too cold out to stand outside, so I put 5 bucks in. I rushed into the gas station with dreams of coffee swirling about before me.
I watched as I pulled the carafe from under the steady stream of brewing coffee. I watched as the coffee contined to flow onto the warmer and counter. I thought, "put that back! Coffee is spilling everywhere" as I watched myself watch the mess.
The corn-rolled guy behind the register stated the obvious, "The coffee is still brewing, ma'am".
"errr..." I shoved the coffee pot back into the maker and grabbed a wad of napkins.
What was I going to do? Should I wait for the coffee to brew? Should I just leave? I scoped out the scene. No full pots of coffee. No hot water for tea. Half filled pot of brewing coffee.
The worker came to my rescue. He valiantly strode from behind the counter, doors swinging in his wake, hair blowing in the wind- he took my cup from me.
His brilliant idea was this:
Pull the pot out from under the steady stream of coffee while simultaniously shoving my cup under said stream.
He stood there for a full two minutes with the coffee pot in his left hand, and his right hand holding my cup under the maker. We both realized this method was faulty. This was taking way too long, and it was getting embarrassingly ackward between the two of us. Too much watching and very little action.
Of course, in my sleepy state of consiousness, it took me a minute to realize the obvious answer to my problem- put a cup under the coffee maker while he poured coffe from the carafe into MY cup.
As soon as I figured this out he started to move.
I waited expectantly for him to impliment my plan. (I hadn't said anything in regards to this plan, but it WAS obviously the right way to go about solving this problem). Instead, he put my cup down on the warmer (coffee still streaming into it from above) while he poured coffee from the pot into it.
As you can very well imagine- this was not a practical solution. My cup toppled over, spilling it's contents all over the counter. I backed up in order to save my work clothes from the mess, but I was a bit too sleepily slow, and it dripped from the counter onto my pants and shoes.
Then he dropped the pot. I watched (in slow-mo) as it fell to the floor. It bounced around a bit- thowing coffee in all directions.
Meanwhile the coffee was still brewing, and without a canister to catch the fresh coffee it spilled out onto the floor as well.
Everything suddenly came to a halt. The pot stopped teetering around on the floor, the maker puttered out its last bit of coffee, and we found ourselves staring silently at the mess.
Can you picture what a mess this ordeal would make?
Well, it's worse than you imagine. I had coffee in my hair, in my socks, on my scarf, down my pants, etc etc etc...
He pulled a fresh styrofoam cup from the dispenser, calmly poured my coffee, and handed it to me.
"Uh... that'll be a dollar six."
User Reviews
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-12-21 14:05:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-21 13:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-12-21 13:25:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
bitter bitter bitter, thats me!
woo!
----
Admittance is the first step to recovery.
Keep it up.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-12-21 13:47:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should have just walked out of there and said "No thanks".
But, you needed the coffee...
Submitted by FreshPrince (user info) at 2004-12-21 13:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-12-21 13:25:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bitter bitter bitter, thats me!
woo!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-21 13:13:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're an awesome person. it was a pleasure to have actually partied with you ( although i dont
remember most of it)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-21 11:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad you're back chérie.
And mystiamoon, you bitter bitch, shut the fuck up.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-21 09:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-12-21 03:12:48 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:50:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
and hidden and lisa and mystiamoon and shlongy
just kidding fuckers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and here i was doing the mature thing and staying off of your posts.
**
haha- I won't even bother stating the obvious.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-21 04:39:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes it is.
I should be asleep.
Thanks for the sentiment.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-12-21 03:12:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:50:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
and hidden and lisa and mystiamoon and shlongy
just kidding fuckers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and here i was doing the mature thing and staying off of your posts.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-12-20 22:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
maybe you should try coke
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-20 22:16:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:43:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not sure if it's because I'm sentimental or simply because I'm drunk, but I feel like saying the following:
Shandy- you are brilliant. you have the mind that one lusts for. You have the intellect and creativity of... of... of?????????? Of nothing. Of no one. Your mind compares to nothing I've ever known or dreampt of. You have the smarts without the arrogance (in a time and place that usually it's those without the mind who hold the arrogance). I respect and admire you more than I should respect or admire someone I only know from the internet. I can (and have) told you my deepest secrets and exposed my most pure emotion without worry of judgement or animosity.
----
and what about my penis, doesn't he get any praise???
Submitted by switters (user info) at 2004-12-20 21:58:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story, literary flair is good.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-12-20 21:49:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Corn Nugget's awesome and hot and a great writer. Also, it's still my birthday, so I'm still in a great mood.
As I don't feel like cluttering up the front page with a pointless birthday babble post to myself, I shall comment here instead.
22 years ago, my mother had me. Little did she know that her beautiful little angel would enter the "terrible 2's" at age 1, and stay in them until age 14.
She wanted no more children after me, or so she made the mistake of telling me once. So.... that means that my little brother was AN ACCIDENT!! AHAHAHAHAHA
I had a field day with that one when I was younger.
Submitted by The_Great_Tom (user info) at 2004-12-20 20:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to see my donation was well spent.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 20:16:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe:
You inspire me. You have this passion about you... this undying flame that flickers above the point that you wish to conceal... the flame that tells your story.
The story of your past, your pain, your desire, your future, your weakness... the flame reveals all of it to me.
I love you for the things I don't yet know about you more. I love you for the images you've burned into me.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 20:09:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OH MY GOD!
Circe:
I love you.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 19:02:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
okay bitches:
Gary- Besides the fact that you are too busy playing darts to come over and hang out- I still have a lot of respect for the fact that you are true to yourself. You will always tell people (or show them) how you feel about them, which makes me proud that you have always told (and shown) me that you respect (?) and admire me. Your humor makes me roll my eyes and laugh (internally). Your looks make me roll my eyes and laugh (internally?).
hahahaha
just kidding, fag. I hate you. I like you gar, don't worry.
And DON:
You are a handsome stud. You are the type of guy that makes girls swoon and guys get hard. I would gladly-
What?
Man oh man.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
let me do it right then: And Don, you're so cool... disregarding the fact you're an arrogant douche who overlooks blatantly obvious things. You're better than cool... you're Dontastic.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe I should have gotten my own little paragraph. You cunt!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don, you arrogant fuck:
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:47:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
and tiff and creep and lee and don and and and and!! and dave and matt and all you!
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what about me?.... shafted again.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and hidden and lisa and mystiamoon and shlongy
just kidding fuckers.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:47:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and tiff and creep and lee and don and and and and!! and dave and matt and all you!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:47:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh god- and jared, and chris, and godchicken, and jeremy, and method, and munkey, and and and and and and and and!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god.
You guys are all fantasic.
yes I'm drunk, but the facts remain the same.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not sure if it's because I'm sentimental or simply because I'm drunk, but I feel like saying the following:
Shandy- you are brilliant. you have the mind that one lusts for. You have the intellect and creativity of... of... of?????????? Of nothing. Of no one. Your mind compares to nothing I've ever known or dreampt of. You have the smarts without the arrogance (in a time and place that usually it's those without the mind who hold the arrogance). I respect and admire you more than I should respect or admire someone I only know from the internet. I can (and have) told you my deepest secrets and exposed my most pure emotion without worry of judgement or animosity.
Apollo- I love to hate you. (for which I hate myself for)
Alain- I love you in spite of your hate for the same. I think I admire your weakness which you try to hide so valiantly. I feel as if I'm waiting for you to blossom into the comfort of yourself.
Aj- You are too good for your own good. Don't let life trod over your passion.
Loki- I imagine spending hours sitting on your couch- getting high and drinking wine. We'd talk about politics (with light-hearted jokes strewn about). You'd feel as if you had to mother me because of my age, and I'd feel as if I had to prove myself because of your wisdom.
Shitfuck- I'd let you see me naked, if you let me see the fat pig.
And here is the point where I think about the others that touch and inspire me (coley, stin, filthy assistant, herpes, lojope, bob, etc etc etc...) and wonder if I should stop the list where I have, or continue it to infinity.
Because infinity is it. I find things to love about all of you.
Yes, even you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:16:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:41:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
brilliant """"
shandys ratings no longer count.
he will tell you it was because he is an uber bad boy but it is really becasue he cannot face the decision making process without breaking out in hives and think sexual thoughts about his mum.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-12-20 17:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think my ideal job would be to just watch you go about your daily business with a bemused smile on my face.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 17:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shandy- are you STILL not giving ratings?
"Brilliant" is usually accompanied by a +2.
And, as par for my usual course (as of late), I'm buzzing!
Submitted by keebler (user info) at 2004-12-20 17:23:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I do belive I shit meself mate
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
brilliant
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:36:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good show
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:35:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
scream, I've thought about it- but if I did that I'd just sleep in even longer.
"oh... I don't have to get up until 320... I have the timer set".
And I'd STILL run out of time in which to drink my coffee at home!!
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:22:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.capresso.com/prod_makers.html
Get one with a Auto Timer.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:20:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry. sucks to be you.
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
from someone else who gets up at a slightly less un-godly hour every morning (4:15am) so i can see my son for a few minutes, walk the dog, not shower or shave & stumble out the door @ 5:45....what is so all fucking important that it cant wait until 8am? Please tell me
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:08:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have said "Oh wait... I forgot my cash. Bye now."
He probably wouldn't have realized I drove off without paying for the gas, either.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY OF MAKING YOUR MOTHER SCREEAM LIKE A BANSHEE, LYRIC!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And another +2 for Lyric's birthday and because cheruboo is a flaming retard.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You shoulda robbed him and poured the coffee down his pants as a 'you're welcome.'
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-20 16:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that would make a good seinfield scene
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:59:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:53:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Happy Birthday Lyric!!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:47:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:47:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Go fuck a duck
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:44:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And he still charged you? Afer all of that you should have said "nevermind. i'll just get
a diet coke!"
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Such a small event, and you made it into a fantastic story. Fuck, I love your writing!
+2 and happy birthday to me
Submitted by Heather (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:43:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know your pain, my best sleep is in the early morning. If I miss it I am in a stupor all day.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At 2:45 this morning, my husband decided he needed to blow his nose. Now, this doesn't sound so awful, but the man blows his nose like a retarded trumpet player at a band camp concert.
He was facing me.
It was 2:45.
Fucker.
At least I didn't have to watch the life giving nectar that is coffee, being splattered on my work attire.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! I can identify. I'm not what you'd call a "morning person."
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:38:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to be impatient. I used to work at a gas station and people used to stare me down when coffee was brewing right when I opened the doors. Like I'm suppose to get there 15 minutes early to start coffee for someone else? I thought it was funny.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:37:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've seen a lot of 3am this past week: I quit smoking, and insomnia is one of my withdrawl side-effects.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Too much watching and very little action."
Sounds like my last relationship.
Incidentally, I like the idea of hot fluid trickling down your pants.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-20 15:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Note to self. 3am is the hour of satan.