The Night I Forgot to Use Birth Control (2210 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.64 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sassmasterr (View user info) at 2004-12-21 11:59:59 EST
We had waited long enough. We hadn't even been alone in over a week. Our sexual appetites were insatiable. Her blank stare was returned by my lusty gaze. I had to have her now.
I should have waited...or at least thought things out. Paused a moment to clear my head and think of the consequences.
"I'll just pull out when I'm close.", I said aloud. Surely that's a foolproof solution. My ignorance was bliss. Heaven. Our passions were ignited and soon (some would say TOO soon) extinguished in a pool of fluids. It was over...or was it.
The next morning I could just tell something wasn't right. Pulling out didn't work. FUCK! My single life flashed before my eyes. The gallavanting and running around (all willy-nilly) would have to come to an end. I had to man up and face the responsibility that my seed had so recently created.
She was pregnant.
ol' Lefty was pregnant.
My masturbation habits had gotten the best of me...
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-29 16:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by KillWomen (user info) at 2005-02-24 22:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for masturbation.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-02-24 22:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not to worry, I impregnate random body parts all the time.
Usually they're ice cold though.
And from the morgue.
And not so much "impregnated" as "stuffed with man-juice."
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-02-24 22:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHHHHH that's beautiful, man. Your hand-babies should have the most beautiful eyes...
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-01-20 23:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
k.
Actually I dont think the left arm got much exercise...
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2005-01-20 23:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I got all worked up and horney then you put that shit up there.
Go home and die.
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-01-20 23:01:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2005-01-20 21:51:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Fucking hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-01-20 21:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-01-20 14:23:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yea...punch that bitch in the stomach and kick her down some fucking stairs....much cheaper than abortion
I'm laughing so hard at this comment that my stomach hurts....
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-20 16:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:47:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time, where a rubber glove. As they told us to say in health class: "No glove, no love!"
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-01-20 14:23:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yea...punch that bitch in the stomach and kick her down some fucking stairs....much cheaper than abortion
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-01-20 14:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-01-20 12:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time, where a rubber glove. As they told us to say in health class: "No glove, no love!"
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-01-20 10:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha, I'm entertained.
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2005-01-20 02:21:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha
Dude, what did that guy do to this arm?
Submitted by Deb625 (user info) at 2005-01-20 01:48:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-20 01:37:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:49:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
AhhhhhhHAHAHAHA!
That was brilliant.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-01-20 01:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Give Old Lefty a couple doses of fell down the stairs, that should make it all better.
Banga
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2005-01-20 01:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahaha!
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:49:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AhhhhhhHAHAHAHA!
That was brilliant.
Submitted by metroidkillah (user info) at 2005-01-20 00:39:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope the morning sickness doesn't get too bad...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-11 12:50:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot about this...
It *is* a sexy arm, still.
Submitted by CJRipley (user info) at 2004-12-23 16:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAHHHHHHAAAAA!!!
Submitted by purringbubbles (user info) at 2004-12-22 01:37:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-12-21 21:16:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ROFLCOPTER!!!!
-Dave
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-21 14:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-12-21 14:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
about noon tomorrow. i can feel it kicking.
what?
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-12-21 13:11:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow. When your arm due?
Submitted by Robert_of_Duluth (user info) at 2004-12-21 13:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
crap post but funny as hell +2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
God DAMN that's a sexy arm.
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:03:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
My God...
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:24:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............ pizza
Submitted by Jambo (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I haven't had a good barbique in a while...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have the same problem but with my right arm. Looks like Popeye the Sailor Man.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:05:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:04:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty damn funny.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My God...
Submitted by MaximusPadus (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:03:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lolx
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:00:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sausage-fingers!