Unlife in the Suburbs: Part 8 (647 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (View user info) at 2004-12-22 00:40:44 EST
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52429
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52527
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52869
Part 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53072
Part 5: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53290
Part 6: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53957
Part 7: http://www.ubersite.com/m/54549
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Laszlo steers one-handed, his other hand fishing around in the paper bag on his knees for his second hash brown. I munch thoughtfully on a Bacon and Egg McMuffin. Much of the popular fiction out there would have you believe that vampires subsist on blood alone. While this is certainly possible, vampires are generally omnivorous. Part of it could be purely psychological, a habit formed during our time spent as humans, but as with our other senses, the taste buds of a vampire are exceptionally developed and give one license to be a particularly qualified gastronome. A delicious meal is a most pleasurable thing to experience, but on the same token, a vampiric food critic would probably be quite fearsome to behold.
Of course, it is not merely about the taste, or even the memory of humanity that perpetuates the habit. We benefit from the vitamins and minerals in food just as any other human, or animal does. Blood, of course, contains vitamins and minerals in great abundance, but in the present day and age - an era of surveillance, guns and security paranoia - obtaining blood is slightly more difficult than it used to be. As such, regular food serves as an adequate, and more easily accessible, nutritional source.
Even so, blood - human blood - is something we will never be able to survive without. There is something in that crimson elixir, in the feeling of a vein pulsing down ones throat that is vital to our survival. I dislike words like 'life force', but there are precious few others that can aptly describe what it is in blood that prolongs our lives. It is more than the simple physical properties of the liquid; there is something almost spiritual in the blood of a living person and the act of drinking from their veins.
While fruit and vegetables provide some of the nutrients that we require to survive, but without blood, we weaken and over time, will perish - often with a spells of frightening madness as our font of eternal life runs dry. Some vampires see this as a penance; in exchange for all our strengths, we were made dependent upon the mortals that we once were. I doubt the veracity of this school of thought, however is it impossible to be sure - the real reason behind our dependence is likely lost in the swirling mists of time.
Much like human history, many of the stories describing the origins of vampires are now little more than myth and folklore - even within the vampire community. It is possible that some of the Ancients know the true version, but as a general rule, they don't get out much and socialize - even amongst their own kind - I imagine that several millennia of putting up with people would do that to you.
I wipe some grease off my hands as the morning sun hoists itself over the horizon, before lancing through the windscreen. Squinting, I reach for the sunglasses perched on the dashboard. I hand a pair to Laszlo and plant the other pair on my face. Fortunately, we are minutes away from home.
Sunlight is not nearly as dangerous to vampires as many would have you believe - we do not spontaneously ignite and explode, as a certain seaside scene in the movie 'Blade' would have many believe - it does however drain our strength and dull our wits. In direct sunlight we are prone to profuse sweating and any exposed skin - eyes included - can blister and lesion quite badly (and painfully). However, it is very rarely fatal, and even then only to young, weak or wounded vampires. Naturally though, the questions that arise at backyard barbeques when you start developing purple blotches on your face are quite awkward, and as such, heavy exposure around mortals is best avoided.
After a few centuries it is possible to build up a certain resistance, and I can tolerate brief spells of strong sunlight with few adverse effects. However, like many of my kin, I try to avoid the sun when it is at its zenith. More recently, this habit has led me to suspect that midday television programming is another part of the price we must pay for our exceptional physiology.
Regardless, I am relieved when we pull up in the driveway and I can wander inside and flop down on the couch in our darkened living room. An opened pack of Girl Guide cookies beckons to me, but you really can have too much of a good thing. Laszlo trudges in and leans on the back of the couch.
"Well, what do you think of my plan?"
"Where can we get the weapons?"
"I know a man in Prague."
"Not Henri. Please tell me you don't mean 'His Hipness, Henri the Hustler'." Laszlo chuckles.
"Henri is not that bad a guy, he can help us out. He has access to some very good hardware."
"He needs access to some very good mental health care." I mumble.
"Regardless, Dani, he will be able to sell us what we require - that is what matters."
Killing a vampire requires, more than anything, speed and accuracy - things like garlic and silver are wholly ineffectual - more products of the misinformed media. I can eat a plateful of garlic bread and wear a silver necklace - with a crucifix on it - with absolutely no ill effects; garlic breath notwithstanding. A gunshot wound to my chest or face on the other hand, would have a rather serious impact on my lifespan. Vampires, as a general rule, regenerate quite quickly, but our hearts and brains are two things we cannot function without. A bullet to either of these vital areas usually leaves a mortal wound. The trick for a would-be vampire hunter lies in being fast enough to get that bullet there - most vampires are aware of a muzzle being pointed at them well before the trigger is pulled.
In Chalmer's case, I must distract him to the point that he won't notice Laszlo pointing a high-powered rifle at him - until the bullet has carved a neat path through his skull. It is a bit of a risk, but the combined reward of reclaiming possession of my abbey and watching Chalmers die at my feet would more than make up for it.
"Alright." I declare, grinning at the unavoidable pun. "Let's give this plan of yours a shot."
User Reviews
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2005-03-28 22:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ID, this is still my favorite serieson on uber for sure, maybe ever. Keep it up
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-19 01:31:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this one is my favorite.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2004-12-29 12:04:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. Though I feel that you're spending more time explaining the "vampire rules" than you are telling the story. It's good to know the rules, but they don't seem blended into the flow as well as they could be.
Oh, and if anyone thinks I'm being overly critical, well, you're totally right. But I'm only offering criticism because no one else is, and ID seems to be the type of person who would appreciate a critical opinion.
Again, keep it up.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-26 20:37:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bob knows his rifles.
I may have time to get Part 9 done before I fly back to Australia, but don't count on it.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-12-26 19:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
H&K PSG1
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-26 19:16:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*breathe*
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*breathe*
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*breathe*
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*breathe*
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*breathe*
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*breathe*
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*breathe*
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
*sob*
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-26 18:43:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2004-12-26 08:00:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought christmas was over, but just when I got home...
I found another present. Thankyou.
--------------------------
Ho ho ho. You're welcome.
With luck it will compensate for the fact that I am about to take two weeks off and won't be writing a damn thing until I get back to work.
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2004-12-26 08:00:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought christmas was over, but just when I got home...
I found another present. Thankyou.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-22 18:16:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-22 11:47:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. You answered the question I left on the last installment.
Awesome.
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Hey, I promised I would, didn't I?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-22 11:47:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. You answered the question I left on the last installment.
Awesome.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-22 11:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This just stays good.
Nothing better to say about it besides it's ALWAYS worth reading.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-12-22 08:45:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-22 03:25:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Saxon - will see what I can do. Might have some time tonight.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2004-12-22 01:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is coming along nicely ID.
Get on messenenger dood if you got a chance, wanna show you something.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-22 01:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-12-22 01:07:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for writing some good fiction. We need more of it here on Uber.
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Not a problem. Thanks for reading it.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-12-22 01:07:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for writing some good fiction. We need more of it here on Uber.