The new days of Christmas (826 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.29 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <richsghostdog> (View user info) at 2004-12-23 12:25:42 EST
On the first day of Christmas my first husband said to me
"The doctor says I have inoperable cancer and I have no insurance"
On the second day of Christmas my mother said to me
"Your life is a sad, pathetic mess...oh, and by the way, what time is dinner?"
On the third day of Christmas my employer said to me
"your position has been eliminated due to a reorganization of the company - your being let go"
On the fourth day of Christmas my doctor said to me
" You are going through the change of life 10 years early, are depressed and in the middle of a mid-life crisis"
On the fifth day of Christmas my husband said to me
"I need space, things aren't the way they used to be so I'm moving out"
On the sixth day of Christmas my landlord said to me
"I've sold the building and the new owner wants you out in 30 days"
On the seventh day of Christmas my daughter said to me
I'm in love with a born again,unemployed,bisexual dwarf..and pregnant with twins. Can I move in with you???
On the eighth day of Christmas my mechanic said to me
I can't find the problem, it wouldn't do it for me...that'll be $12,00.00
On the ninth, tenth and eleventh day of Christmas, I had a nervous breakdown and methodically and happily killed everyone who had to open their big fucking mouth for Christmas.
On the twelvth day of Christmas a cop said to me
Your under arrest. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
User Reviews
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-06-15 17:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by richsghostdog (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:30:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Unfortunately, they will be replaced by a horde of sand niggers that have 10 pet goats, stink like garlic, curry and rotted fish, have never heard of SOAP or DEODERANT, are infested with cockroaches that have all night sing alongs accompanied by a whiny sitar while receiving welfare,SSI, AFDC and every other public assistance you can name, own an oil well, a 711,5 BMWs and a HumV but don't have to pay taxes. They will take over the whole fucking building within a month. Their idea of taking out the garbage is to put it on YOUR doorstep, when you complain, they will swear to management that you are prejudiced and have been harrassing them and subsequently you will be thrown out in the street and arrested for "hate crimes". Life sucks and they don't let you die...
This was fucking awesome.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Merry Christmas!
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-12-23 20:57:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this fucking blew
Submitted by purringbubbles (user info) at 2004-12-23 19:58:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
made me giggle
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-23 19:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck christmas. Right up the festive pooper.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-12-23 13:11:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i heard there is no christmas in the silly middle east
no trees no snow no santa claus they have different religious beliefs...
merry fucking christmas
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-23 13:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. You feel like fucking your troubles away?
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:51:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:30:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually found that kind of entertaining.
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Agreed
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
humbug
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:37:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow. That's depressing.
"On the sixth day of Christmas my landlord said to me
"I've sold the building and the new owner wants you out in 30 days"
I've been there.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually found that kind of entertaining.
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:28:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
sounds like a bad country-western song.
welcome to Uber!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:27:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
On the thirteenth day of christmas a random internet guy said to me,
-2, bitch. Um, in a pear tree.