Ho, Ho, Hoes. Santa loves 'em, I need 'em. (1422 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.13 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AJ <uberaj.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-12-23 12:34:08 EST
Well, it's the holiday season once more and your good friend AJ is single and alone once again.
Shocking, I know. I've tried all the holiday tricks to getting a girl.
1) Mistletoe.
2) Spiked egg nog.
3) Spanish Fly- okay, so this one isn't as festive but it was still worth a shot.
4) Christmas cards laced with cash to avoid those pesky prostitution stings.
5) Rufied egg nog.
No luck. So with ever single girl in the eastern Iowa area alienated by my attempts, I've decided to put up my own classified ad, Uber-style.
"Looking for Miss Right"
Now. 20 NSFW M (Non-smoker Funny White Male) seeks NE1 (Anyone) willing to engage in illicit activities, no strings attached. This healthy young buck boasts 100K+ hits on a website. Dedication AND magnetism, with a healthy rating of .8 something. See ladies, you could do worse. Now, pucker up and Happy Holidays.
:'(
PS- I threw the second picture in because Josie thought it was fucking hilarious. Don't quite know how to feel about that one.
User Reviews
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-01-13 00:08:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-01-07 00:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Winnar!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-29 19:31:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHA
You're so predictable, Tigre.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-29 19:23:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus christ! GOD NO!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-24 02:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GLALL - HAHAHAHAHAHA
AJ, man... too funny.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-12-24 02:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you get laid. Merry Christmas.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-12-23 23:53:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Can't you just find a Star Trek convention to go to or something.
Hell, you'd have all the chicks swooning. :)
Submitted by monkeyrape (user info) at 2004-12-23 23:41:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the ladies can't say no.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-12-23 23:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fucking GHEY?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-23 20:51:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Jeebus, Circe- what were you like BEFORE you had kids? I shudder delicately to even contemplate such a possibility.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-23 20:20:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to wash your hair, pick out your clothes, and tell you to clean your godamned room because it looks like a Goodwill donation bin exploded in there.
And then I want to ground you for being a naughty little boy on the internet.
Have kids, people. There's no faster way to suck all the fun out of your personality.
Submitted by purringbubbles (user info) at 2004-12-23 20:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you're adorable. How 'bout, instead of sex, would you settle for a pinch on the (face) cheeks?
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-23 19:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
... what GLALL said.
Seriously. What the fuck IS eggnogg?
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-12-23 19:27:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I don't know why I find that picture so funny, and yet I do.
Rock on, my friend.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-23 17:05:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ATTN DESPERATE MENZ!!!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-12-23 17:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
>Firing up photoshop<
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-12-23 16:57:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Jeez, and you said *I* was ugly?
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-12-23 16:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What the gay is this shit? If I wanted to read shit, I'd look at the toilet paper after I wipe my ass.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-12-23 15:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55166
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-12-23 14:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Signed,
Derek Jeter"
-----------------------------
that there is why you got a +2.... thank GLALL for being funny.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-23 13:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i like you when you are being a man.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-12-23 13:05:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
can i have sloppy seconds?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-23 13:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
For you to have even HALF a chance, you may want to consider leaving out the pictures.
Just another tip from Shlongy...
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-12-23 13:01:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The weak and nerdy are admired for their computer-programming abilities.
-- Homer Simpson
Bart vs. Australia
----------------------------------------------
you're a sexy beast aj.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
As far as the mess, spook, that's there to hide the Christmas presents underneath.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:54:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh, that was beautiful, GLALL. I would've signed it 'Tom Brady.'
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:51:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Clean your room, slob.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:49:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus. Uh, where to begin really? First off I want to know where to get some spanish fly! Where is it? The only time i've seen it is at a Sunoco ran by some arabs and it was fifteen dollars.
Next what the fuck is with egg nog? You know what the shat is in all actuality? It's like, well, does it actually have egg in it? If it does then it's just basically a chicken embryo broth you could say, and really, who wants to say that you know unless your some sadistic chicken hater?
No man should ever give the pouty lip pose in a picture unless it's naturally how their face reacts to a camera flash and you know this. You broke the rules though and went all out on the pout, so that's like eight gay points on the board for you buddy. Anyways, I feel the passion that was put into this radiating from the screen. I know this had to have taken more than ten minutes, so you get the full monty my man! I'm sending you two of my fingers because I was on acid last night and cut them off, I hope you can find use for them.
Signed,
Derek Jeter
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:45:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sad... so sad....
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:42:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor bastard.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:40:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:39:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay... I'll do ya...
...in the pooper.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:37:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Homer: I'm just a big fool.
Karl: Oh no, you're not!
Homer: How do you know?
Karl: Because my mother taught me never to kiss a fool!
Simpson and Delilah
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-12-23 12:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NSFW asswrap!