A Fine Red Mist (884 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.56 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Walrus (View user info) at 2004-12-23 23:44:02 EST
The red mist seeped into his mind. Before he could stop it it was behind his eye sockets, wriggling towards his brain. He opened his mouth to scream but it was immediately filled with the sour gas. He choked. His mind started racing, struggling against the entity that possessed him. He tried to stand but was pushed back down. The mist was becoming thicker. The shroud surrounding him was becoming denser, pushing in on him. He could not breathe. Convulsing on the ground his mind was wasting beyond his control. He was no longer in power. Soon he would be dead.
And then he was.
The cloud receded, becoming transparent, slowly becoming one with the air around it. A tint of red remained, hovering ominously in the room.
A door opened. The white cube held no visible dimensions but somewhere someone had entered. In a corner of the room there was a... thing. A man? A man. He didn't seem to have distinct outlines like humans do. The white overcoat hanging down around his knees seemed to fade into the background. There was no right or left, no here or there. The man moved like nothing ever seen before. He floated almost. It was impossible to tell whether his feet were moving, they were simply shadow. Ever so slowly and without a sound he moved to the corpse lying unmoving on the floor. It was impossible to tell how far the man had traveled or where the corpse was relevant to the room. If it was, in fact, a room.
The cloud was starting to reform now. Slowly the room grew more and more red. Crimson now, the air started to pull together into a mass. The cloud grew larger and larger. The man took no notice. He was kneeling over the dead man, searching his body. The cloud could not possibly possess emotions but the room began to shake, ever so slightly. Tension pulsed through the air.
The man seemed to have found what he was looking for now, and stood up now. He clenched a pill bottle in his left hand. Popping the top off and withdrawing a small, white pill he placed it on the tip of his tongue. It dissolved and was no more. The cloud was moving towards the man now, growing larger and more fierce as time passed. If time passed at all. He continued to hold his ground, feigning disinterest.
With a great rush and a roar that rocked the once silent room the cloud plunged into the man, fusing into one with his body, streaming through his veins. Pulsating throughout the body the gas was furiously channeling around his small frame. A red light flashed behind him, or from within him, it was too hard to tell. His eyes lit up, great red circles of flame. Sound roared through the room, sound had never been heard here before. Something was changing.
Blood started pooling on the floor, seemingly seeping out of the ground. Red streams ran over the cube. Up the sides and across the floors the room took shape. A new day had come.
User Reviews
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-12-24 17:31:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My nigga.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-12-24 14:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, still waiting for my explanation, Plural?
I've been trying to think up a second half of the story in which it would all come together, but with Christmas at the door and a party in roughly half an hour I can't seem to come up with anything not completely corny. I'll keep working at it though, I kind of like it as it is, but if I can pull it together without ruining it I will. Thanks for your interest.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-24 14:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Which music video?
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-12-24 13:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Koo koo ka plus 2.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-12-24 11:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Weird.
Reminded me of something out of one of these newfangled 'music videos' all the kids are watching nowadays.
Good writing...keep it up.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2004-12-24 02:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Lovecraft. But without the beginning and the end.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2004-12-24 02:15:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not quite sure what's going on here, but apparently neither is anyone else.
+1 for writing for the sake of writing...
And not about your day or your mom or your girlfriend etc etc etc.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-24 02:01:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-24 01:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty cool.
What's more, you are The Walrus! goo goo g'joob!
Yeah... ok... I'm an idiot.....
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-24 00:45:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you, then. I want to know more about this. APPEASE ME, DAMNIT.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-12-24 00:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
To be honest I don't really know what's going on. I just felt like writing.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-24 00:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't understand this, but it hade some nice imagery, so have a +2 and a demand for an explanation.
Submitted by monkeyrape (user info) at 2004-12-24 00:25:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
didn't really adhere as to what was going on. Tight form though.