A day in the life of a Rent-to-Own accounts manager... (987 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mad Scientist <honda.at.mad.scientist.com> (View user info) at 2004-12-27 03:14:53 EST
Whats going on people?
It's been a while since I've posted here at Ubersite, nearly 260 days to be exact, and amazingly, my Username hasn't been purged from the system. So, I thought I would login, and write a few excerpts from my life, or lack thereof.
I am now in the Rent-to-Own business. Yet another business that preys on the financially irresponsible. You know, one of those places that will allow you to buy a TV that costs $1000 for $150 a month at 24 months.
Managing the accounts of the customers of this business is nothing short of a "Pulp Fiction"-type experience. When you don't pay your bill, and don't call me to make arrangements, I show up to your house to see what's going on. As you can imagine, showing up to people's homes unannounced can land you right in the middle all sorts of wacky situations. (Which is the way I saw Pulp Fiction- a bunch of wacky situations, and how they tie together)
Anyway...on to the anecdotes.
The most recent encounter that I had was with a gay man that was also deaf. (I am not making this up) He came to the store, and rented a Couch, Chaise lounge, and 32" TV. He paid just enough to get the merchandise out of the store, and never paid again. These are the types that really piss me off. Myself and my associate, John, drove over to the guy's house, to see what was going on. As a matter of fact, when we come to your home, you've either got a payment, or your merchandise goes back to the store, we don't really "see what is going on".
When we arrived, his front door was wide open (not closed). We walked up the steps to his Apartment, and knocked on the open door, and rang the doorbell several times. Our gay/deaf customer was not aware of our presence. A few seconds later, the man walked into the living room, and was very frightened to see myself and my associate. (After all, we are two large fellows- 6'2" 230 lbs each, and it was about 10 minutes to nine p.m.) He walked to to the door, curious of who we were. After trying several times to verbally identify myself, I finally unzipped my jacket, and violently opened the left side of my coat (to show him the company logo on my shirt) at which time he promptly "hit the deck". I laughed feverishly.
It gets better...
We walk into the guys house, at which time he tells us that the person that sold him the merchandise told him that it was brand new, and in fact, it was "pre-leased" (or used, to the layman). He proceeds to tell me in that deaf, speech-impaired sound that "Im gay and Im clean! and this stuff have holes in it! It not acceptable!" I proceeded to tell him "That's fine, we're here to pick it up for non-payment". At this point, John and I removed the cushions from our couch, to discover a plethora of junk in the couch that had only been in his posession for roughly 8 weeks. This junk included condoms, condom wrappers, food crumbs, change, gay porn (not making this up), and a black-and-white catalog for gay toys. At this point we did the usual maneuver. We leaned the couch forward, lifted it about an inch off the ground, and dropped it, so that he would be forced to keep all of his miscellaneous garbage found in the couch. Upon leaning it forward, we discovered empty liquor bottles under the couch, more pornagraphy, some garbage, and gay videos. There was even a large white tube labeled plainly: "ANAL LUBE". This guy is really clean, huh?
John and I proceeded to remove the rest of the merchandise from his residence, at which time he became more and more verbally abusive. The more he talked, and we kept quiet, the bolder he got with the things he was saying. After making several trips in and out, removing everything, I came inside, and unplugged our TV. I asked him if he wanted to remove the various things on top of it (including his hearing aid that was lying there) and he told me "You move it, its not my job". I casually brushed all of his shit onto the floor, picked up my TV, and headed for the door. As I was walking out, I had one foot inside his house, and one foot going down the stairs, this fucking fudge-packing, ass-gobblin proceeded to push me, and say "Get out, Bitch!" Of course, by this time, my blood was boiling. Not only was I already on my way out when he made this comment, but this fucking ass-clown just tried to intimidate me! I calmly set the TV down on the stairs, turned around and informed him "If you ever put your fucking dick-beaters on me again, I will fucking kill you". At that time, my associate, John burst into uncontrollable laughter, and I thought maybe that story would make good Uber-Material.
Another day, we had visited a man's home to collect his dryer for non-payment. When we came inside the house, it was clear, from the smell, that he had just made something to eat. On our way into the laundry room, we walked past his kitchen table were there was a huge plate a spaghetti sitting. The man was just about to eat when we interrupted him. Actually, we walked between the table, and an exterior window where he had installed a window-unit air conditioner. My associate proceeded to disconnect the dryer, as I loaded it onto the dolly, and wheeled it out of there. When I got the dryer between the window and the table, that fucking A/C unit blew the dryer lint that had collected on the back of the dryer, all over this bastards food! I could barely keep my composure. His spaghetti had a light dusting of lint. It was fucking great!
Lets see- what else can I babble about?...
There was a time when I had been speaking with a customer about his account, trying to make some arrangements, and we could not come to a satisfactory payment arrangement. He was already late, and told me that it would be a month before he could make a payment. I told him that I would be on my way to his home to remove his computer until he could bring the account current. He told me that no one would be getting his "goddamn compruter". About 30 minutes after we got off the phone, I was knocking on his door. The man (an older gentleman) opened the door, wearing only his oxygen tube thing that was going into his nose, and a pair of tighty-whiteys with a .45 tucked into the waistband. As soon as he opened the door he said "Yous ain't gettin' my goddamn compruter, boy!", and started fondling the weapon. Knowing that this man had a tank of oxygen by his side, I knew that he wouldn't shoot, for fear of blowing himself up. After all, he had a fucking sign on the door that said "NO SMOKING- OXYGEN IN USE!" I told him that if he planned on using the gun, he needed to go ahead and do it, otherwise, I needed to collect my merchandise. With just that one rebuttal, the man showed me to his den, where he had the computer neatly sealed in it's original boxes, with all of the seams taped shut, and his name signed across the seams. In my business, this is a sure-fire sign that something illegal is going on in his hard-drive. As soon as I got the machine back to to shop, I opened it from the bottom, powered it up, and low and behold, he was a purveyor of the child porn! We run across this a lot in my business, so I called the FBI, as we usually do, and they promptly came and confiscated the tower. My guess is that he got arrested.
Other funny things are when people are home, and will not answer to door to negotiate with you. I am not a hard ass, and am sympathetic to financial problems, but if you dodge me, it pisses me off. If you act like an adult, and tell me what is going on, and how you plan to fix it, I will give you all the time that I can to get your account straight.
For those that do not answer the door, some of tricks that I have employed are backing the delivery truck up to the front door, leave it in reverse, and put the E-brake on. That loud-ass beacon that lets you know the truck in reverse will usually get a person to the door within 2 minutes.
Most of my customers live in trailers, and they have a master-shutoff right next to their power meter. I will turn that fucker off in a heartbeat! If you aren't paying for your TV, and wont come to the door to talk to me, I've also been known to disconnect a person's cable.
My favorite trick to date is a customer that made one payment on a 65" Phillips TV, and never paid again. We would go by his apartment 2 and 3 times a day, and he would be home, yet not answer the door. We could see our huge TV playing through the window, and our customer sitting on the couch watching it. Finally, I got pissed off, brought the Phillips remote from the store, and enabled the password feature, effectively locking him out of his own TV! The next day, he called the store for a service issue, at which time we "picked it up to send it to service"
Well- that's enough for now. Maybe more -2 caliber material will come later!
User Reviews
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-21 08:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-01-01 05:15:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2005-01-01 04:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MadScientist (user info) at 2005-01-01 04:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Keebler- shouldn't you be in your tree making cookies?
Submitted by Shizae (user info) at 2004-12-31 14:59:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by keebler (user info) at 2004-12-31 14:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU OR I WILL MAKE yoU MY BITCH!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2004-12-28 15:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-12-27 23:06:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was in the mob so I could do stuff like that. I wish I could knock on some one's door, then punch them in the face and leave without an explanation.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-12-28 14:57:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliant - post more of this please
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-12-27 23:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was in the mob so I could do stuff like that. I wish I could knock on some one's door, then punch them in the face and leave without an explanation.
Submitted by MadScientist (user info) at 2004-12-27 22:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Viper- he was partly deaf, and wore hearing aids, so I dont know if he could hear me, or if we was lip-reading. Also- doesn't this shit strike you as a little too weird to be made up? They say fact is stranger than fiction.
Also, WhatTheHell- "Most of my clients live in trailers" simply means that most of my customers live in mobile homes. If you'll notice my posts, I am very straightforward in the points that I try to convey. If I am trying to send a message, I dont beat around the bush, I type it into Ubersite.
Thanks for the ratings guys. Keep up the good work.
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-12-27 13:40:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha - I wish my job carried with it such wonderful, colorful characters and stories...
I have to deal with gay people pretty often, but I can't crack jokes about them...sigh...
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-12-27 13:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-12-27 13:00:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to do the same job, it sucks balls.
pity +2
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-12-27 10:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Most of my clients live in trailers"
And you mean WHAT by that comment exactly ?
Submitted by UrfTheWog (user info) at 2004-12-27 10:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-27 10:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You deserve this rating for putting up with a LOT of bullshit.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-27 09:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
horray!
i hate daytime tv...is my vacation over yet?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-27 09:37:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmkay
Submitted by MaximusPadus (user info) at 2004-12-27 09:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad, Mad Scientist.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-12-27 09:22:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
very nice.
people sure do suck, huh?
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2004-12-27 09:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love these kinds of stories
jgreening is making fun of one o fthose 15 year old girls who come on here for sympathy, and instead of replying to comments, she makes whole new posts, with no explanation
Submitted by Viper_04 (user info) at 2004-12-27 06:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great set of stories.....i just wonder how much is total fact, since you actually spoke to the deaf guy, buy funny nonetheless...
jgreening what the hell are you going on about?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-27 03:59:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do you people even know all the shit i been through, so dont judge me cuz im 15. i've seen alot a shit in my life you dont even know but im not going to go parading it around just to show you people up cuz im a bigger person than that!
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2004-12-27 03:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. You could have milked it for three seperate +2 posts with a little more detail but I like it this way better. Keep up the good work my man.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-12-27 03:37:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
glad you're back.
i always love your posts.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-27 03:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Need more funny shit...
I get on a plane in 12 hours, and I plan on staying up until I get in the air...
Don't ask why...
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2004-12-27 03:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Bottom-feeder.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-12-27 03:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And now that I actually took the effort to read it, this was a max post to the max power.
The goddamned y key gets keeping on getting in the way.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-27 03:21:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually got a chuckle out of these. If you worked each separate incidents into a bit of a story, you would have a great series here, in my opinion.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-12-27 03:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I drank way too much wine