Cybersex, the Seussian Way (3697 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.97 on 93 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-12-27 11:57:31 EST
Tired of the same old dirty talk that you'll never admit to, if anyone ever asks?
Does repeating the same lines over and over make you question your choices, and think seriously about getting a life?
Well, no need to go to those extremes. Here it is: Cybersex made Fun!
It might become a series, if I can sustain my dirty minded phase for long enough. (It's lasted twenty five years so far. There's a pretty good chance it's gonna continue.)
LuvGod23:
I take off your top, and what do I see?
Two big bouncy boobs staring straight back at me!
I reach out and fondle; I tweak and I twist
Those bounteous boobs with a flick of my wrist
LilPrincess679:
You're touching my titties, you bad dirty man
And I wriggle and moan just as loud as I can
And I open my legs and I breathily say
"Fuck me rough, you big brute, 'cause I like it that way."
LuvGod23:
You're a hot little fox, with a hot little box,
And my cock wants your box; I can tell your box rocks
With a slither, a slide, a thrust and a glide
My cock's in your box
LilPrincess679:
You're still wearing your socks!
But I really don't care, I really don't mind
I just want you taking me hard from behind
With your hands on my tits and your cock in my ass
I want it right NOW!
LuvGod23:
With a groan and a gasp
I slip out of your box, and my big throbbing dick
Is coated in cuntjuice, all slimy and slick
And I move round behind you, "Assume the position
I'll give you the fucking for which you've been wishin'"
LilPrincess679:
Your cock's in my asshole, and, oh, what a joy!
I'm screaming in ecstasy "Fuck yeah, big boy!"
And noodles and poodles in bottles be damned;
The best stories involve my sweet ass and a Man
LuvGod23:
Nailing your ass like a railroad spike
Thrusting and grunting; I know what you like
I'm calling you every name under the sun
And I know that real soon now, I'm going to come
LilPrincess679:
Crying out desperately "Don't come in there!
Rub your cock on my tits, blow your load in my hair;
Make me feel dirty and come on my face
A communion of man-jam; the only true grace."
LuvGod23:
I pull out just in time and say "Damn, that was close"
As I shoot a huge wad way the hell up your nose
You gasp and you choke and you stifle back tears
And I squeeze my cock hard and then fill up your ears.
LilPrincess679:
That was great.
LuvGod23:
It was awesome.
LilPrincess679:
I've something to say.
LuvGod23:
Oh yeah? What?
LilPrincess679:
I'm a guy. And, dude, that makes you gay.
Next week: "Getting Medieval on Her Ass: If King Arthur had AIM"
User Reviews
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2008-07-30 10:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I saw this on the MRR and thought "Hey, I was gonna write a post like that once!" and clicked on it.
Drinking really isn't good for me. I'm beginning to realise this.
[Pretending to ignore the compliments, because I handle praise badly, but secretly and inwardly glowing with pleasure]
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-30 10:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is the best poetry ever. Circe, you're so disgustingly talented.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-30 10:18:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're my kinda lady.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-23 11:14:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the post, I really did,
It reminds me of IM-ing
When I was a kid.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-23 10:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hysterical!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-23 10:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har HAr
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-03-24 00:25:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite humorous! Quite humorous indeed. This calls for some Skoal!
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2005-03-13 01:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This would have been great, had you not ripped off my idea from a few weeks earlier.
Episode 48- "How the Grinch Stole Virginity" (Dec. 8, 2004) http://www.ubersite.com/m/53820
Submitted by WhoLetYouIn (user info) at 2005-03-13 01:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2005-03-13 00:53:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty god damned funny.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-13 00:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckkkkkk!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2005-03-13 00:39:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA
that was kickass.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was awesome
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-02-21 14:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How the fuck did I miss this.
I am moist now!
Submitted by confusedritenow (user info) at 2005-02-16 14:31:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow! You r my idol!!
Submitted by Damitrius (user info) at 2005-01-22 16:29:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking magical.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-01-11 02:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic!
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-01-07 12:46:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god, how did I miss this? Hahaha.... God I love you.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-01-01 11:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to make love to you slowly and passionately in a hot tub after we each drink a bottle of fine champagne. Your body is a dizzying array of heat, soft moist flesh, and frantic motion. ...a carnival of lust and burning discovery. Fuck me, you sexy demon.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-30 17:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-28 21:50:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo - sign me up. We can moan and whimper while discussing your Mummy issues and my Electra complex. """"""""
MUMMY ISSUES????? MUMMY ISSUES???????????? HOW DARE YOU!
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-12-30 16:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot up until the gay bit.
That always happens to me.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-30 13:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah this was pretty hot.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-12-30 10:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God this made me hot.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-12-30 10:15:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ugoat (user info) at 2004-12-29 14:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-29 13:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
After reading this again, I have to wonder if maybe it's a bit too risque for B@W...
Got I hope not...
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-12-29 10:00:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This will go down in Uber history.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-12-29 09:41:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2004-12-29 09:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS line: -
And I move round behind you, "Assume the position
I'll give you the fucking for which you've been wishin'
I'm so gonna use that.
Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2004-12-29 01:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Today sucked. Really bad. So bat that I was gonna, like, kill myself. But after reading this, my life doesn't suck so bad.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-12-28 21:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-28 21:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo - sign me up. We can moan and whimper while discussing your Mummy issues and my Electra complex.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-12-28 21:18:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was beautiful.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-28 21:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo, I found some of your writing on a different site than this one (and it wasn't pulsehead or whatever, either).
WHORE! SLUT! UNFAITHFUL PIGDOG! Ok, I'm done.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-12-28 20:51:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Coming next LIVE on apolloTV - phone sex the freudian way!
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2004-12-28 19:24:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed too hard...I can't breathe
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-12-28 17:24:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh sure, when <I> do it all I get is "-2 DIE!"
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29951
Submitted by lnknptheory (user info) at 2004-12-28 16:24:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was the most motherfucking kick ass poem ive read in my entire life!!!!!
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-12-28 15:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it when you talk dirty! I mean, good post, keep it up?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-28 13:26:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this post quite a bit
But now I leave to take a shit.
I'll come back to here and read a-ain
And I'll laugh and laugh until I die in pain
SO here it is, plus fucking two
A Seussian reach around from me to you.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-12-28 13:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For Beer-Turtle's Suessism.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-12-28 11:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
!!!!!!!
That's all.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-12-28 10:23:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would not could not with a fox,
I would not could not in a box.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-12-28 05:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sixmilliondots (user info) at 2004-12-28 04:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2004-12-28 04:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally, a Dr. Seuss post I like.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-28 02:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahahahahaha!!
Stick your pity +2 up your ass.
(I liked that post you mentioned, by the way. It was very clever.)
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-12-28 02:54:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-12-28 02:53:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
here's a +2 so 1 + 1 + 2 / 3 = 1.75
now show me boobs or something
(o)(O) we called her lopsy
-B
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-28 02:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Beer turtle - yeah, okay. I got all shouty.
My bad...
I like your rhyme...
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-12-28 02:30:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's see. 41 reviews for you, 8 for me. Yep, I guess we know who the popular one is around here. So there!
Oh, and good post.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-12-28 02:18:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Circe,
I Wasn't slamming ya babe... you still got a +1 from me dear.
I could have been like the other idiot assholes who when they seen something vaguely familiar accuse you of plagairism and -2 you.
Hell in my second post EVAR on uber I was accused of stealing the work of another for a piece that was wholly my own. Someone else may have thought similarly to me elsewhere and created a similar piece.
I was just expressing that I have seen something like this before.
I even rated in a rhyme...
*you hate me don't you*
;)
-B
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-12-28 02:07:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck, you know Uber's slow when my shit makes heated.
Lyric - Next time I do one of these knock off poems, you're going to get roped into helping. Please?
Beerturtle - yeah, well, I can't be bothered googling every single thing I think of to see if it's already been done. Who really cares? I wrote it, I giggled at it in that retarded way I have, I posted it. Big deal.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-12-27 23:42:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:29:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-12-27 23:36:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha now i'm looking forward to going back to Aus...
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-12-27 22:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in awe of your awesomeness.
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2004-12-27 22:47:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LuvGod23:
You're a hot little fox, with a hot little box,
And my cock wants your box; I can tell your box rocks
With a slither, a slide, a thrust and a glide
My cock's in your box
--------------------------------------------------
Friggin Hyterical
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-12-27 22:42:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-12-27 22:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
spooner2222: Do you know where I can get som porn?
spooner2222: On the internet?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-12-27 22:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-12-27 19:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Crying out desperately "Don't come in there!
Rub your cock on my tits, blow your load in my hair;
that and the fill up your ear lines were my favourites
jolly good show
(but nose doesn't rhyme with close.)
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-27 19:06:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe, you rock. Unequivocally.
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2004-12-27 18:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-12-27 16:22:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I wish and I wish that I could plus two
But I've seen something like this a time or two
not to detract from your rhyme or your wit
but only a plus one that I can commit
I did read the words and spoke the verse
giggling madly for better for worse
The thought entered my mind so uncanny
This was not a guy it was a tranny.
-Turtle
Submitted by ChannelDunlap (user info) at 2004-12-27 16:13:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gay or not, its awesome. (I tried to write more in a Seuss like fashion, but just got a bunch of lines that ended in 'possum' that didn't really make much sense...)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-12-27 15:56:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But what to my wandering eye should appear
but a stinging load of man-juice and a closet full of queers.
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-12-27 15:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The schlongish schlong got longish long,
When reading sexy Seuss-soaked stuff
With vigorous visions of tufted muff
Screaming "Yay, I can't get enough" !
The vein-laden meat pipe invades the Secret snatch,
Reminiscent of dreams that I've sniffed, after scratched.
And remember, kiddies, as Zap Brannigan said, " ...she's built like a steakhouse, but handles like a bistro".
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-12-27 15:09:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I click into Uber and what greets me there?
Something that gives me a joy I can't bear!
A posting from Circe, oh, happy is me,
I quickly devour the writing with glee.
But what is this about, sex in cyber space
Written strictly at a Dr. Suess pace?
Well, now here is something that's familiar to you
Tons of accolades and of course, a plus two!
That took me WAY too long to come up with.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-12-27 14:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by MaximusPadus (user info) at 2004-12-27 14:14:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So hold up.
hold way up.
Wtf are you cybering for? Go get a new face and maybe you can do it for real.
I'll beat you like the redheaded stepchild you really are.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-12-27 13:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa...this reminded me of a Jabba_the_Shit post. But like, a good version.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-12-27 13:48:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-27 13:41:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of the time I visited you in Australia and you took off your...
You took...
!
H#&(@
!!!!
so good.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2004-12-27 13:36:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome! That was fucking gold. Nothing short of absolutly terrific!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-27 13:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I may want to fuck Circe for minutes, even.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-12-27 13:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My darling, I have missed your filth.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:51:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you in a fashion that not only offends and angers the gods, but also the very universe itself.
This is where I'd write something dirty in a Dr. Seussian fashion, but I suck it. So O shall content myself with saying that you are the greatest person alive, and continue along my merry way.
Submitted by Ignore_the_Small_Print (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:42:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:42:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:34:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think I confused myself coming in here because I thought Seussian was like some biological doctor who builds deadly pythons made of wood. Then I realized you meant Dr. Seuss about halfway in and got sick of reading them. I don't think this deserves a 2 but it doesn't deserve anything bad either, so, um, yeah don't yell at me or anything. If you do I will be forced to drive to Taiwan or wherever the fuck you are from and tell your parents you got the AIDS from some Phillipino boy during your trip to Alaska.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:29:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fantastic.
Submitted by Rutabaga (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:22:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was fantastic, I love Dr. Seuss.
Though some of the verses were a bit off, it was a good read.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:21:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're so bad Circe.
Leave me naked and crying in the bottom of the shower.
Please?
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:13:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For that filthy writing, I'd cum all over your tits, you RUDDY DINGO!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The last bit sealed the deal
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute... one more thing.
<ejaculates>
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:08:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Great_Tom (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by melkorthedelerious (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I predict heat
Submitted by gabrielpm (user info) at 2004-12-27 12:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-12-27 11:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If King Arthur had AIM, he'd have given Guinevere a pearl necklace instead of inflamed eyes?