Unlife in the Suburbs: Part 9 (1009 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (View user info) at 2004-12-27 19:19:35 EST
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52429
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52527
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/52869
Part 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53072
Part 5: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53290
Part 6: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53957
Part 7: http://www.ubersite.com/m/54549
Part 8: http://www.ubersite.com/m/55003
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Only a week after convincing myself that taking the fight to Chalmers was the only way to resolve our issues, Laszlo and I packed lightly and boarded a plane for the Czech Republic.
While it has modernized significantly in recent decades, I have always enjoyed visiting Prague. I find the history that is still reflected in almost every surface is comforting when you have lived for centuries yourself. In an irretrievably mortal world, the permanence of the old cities is somewhat reassuring. At the very least, the ancient churches, pockmarked stonework and intricate, faded facades are all infinitely more appealing than the interior of Henri's 'pad'.
Henri, or to use his full title, 'His Hipness, Henri the Hustler' may have access to all kinds of weaponry at bargain basement prices, but he has the interior decorating skills of Stevie Wonder on acid. A young vampire, less than six decades in age, Henri was sired in the late 1960's, and never really left. His shoulder length straw-like hair dangles over one of the most hideous paisley shirts I have ever seen. The velvet bell-bottoms are hardly any better.
"Lazzie, Dani - groovy of you to visit. Take a seat." He gestures to the cluster of beanbags in the centre of the room and continues in his thick eastern European accent. "I take it this is not a social call?"
"No." I am abrupt. "We need a sniper rifle."
"Straight to business, huh?" He pauses. "His Hipness is here to help!"
A pair of psychedelically painted chests sit against the far wall, Henri pads over to them and opens one. From my vantage point on a purple, faux-velvet beanbag, I can't make out the complete contents of the chest, but there is probably enough weaponry in this apartment to stage a small separatist rebellion. Henri rummages briefly, removing a large brick of plastic explosive, placing it on the floor at his feet before clicking open the latches on some kind of case, and extracting a menacing black rifle. He smiles, bowing slightly.
"Allow me to present the.."
I interrupt "Heckler and Koch PrazisionsSchutzenGewehr One." He continues, unperturbed, with the silver-tongued flair of a used car salesman.
"The PSG-1 boasts a semi-automatic, roller-delayed blowback action, comes with a twenty-round detachable box magazine, ergonomic pistol grip, and silent bolt-closing device." I roll my eyes at Laszlo, who smiles half-heartedly at the performance. "Equipped with this Hensoldt 6x42 scope, a human can expect an accurate shot up to six hundred meters away." He turns off his salesman voice and winks from under his fringe. "I daresay you will be able to do a little better than that."
"What is your price?"
"As I am sure you are aware, this is one of the most expensive factory-produced rifles on the market. The basic package can retail for over 10,000 US dollars." I harden my voice.
"What is your price?"
"As this rifle is practically new, I would be willing to sell this to you for $7,000."
I guffaw at this. Does he take us for a pair of gullible humans?
"$4,000." I counter. "Including forty rounds of ammunition."
"$6,000." He replies. Probably through the habit of dealing with slightly more malleable patrons, he catches my gaze and attempts to stare me down. I however, am not about to be strong-armed by this infant.
I return his stare, allowing centuries of experience to flow through my gaze. He doesn't wilt like a human would, but he realizes that forcible bargaining tactics are not going to work on me.
"$4,500." I don't suggest it - the number is a matter-of-fact statement. "That is my final offer." He nods dumbly and I break off the stare. "Thank you." I say brightly. "Laz, can you pay him?"
Laszlo stands and withdraws a thick wad of notes from the interior of his brown leather jacket. He removes a handful of the green and white bills and hands them to Henri, who is still standing by the chests, clutching the rifle.
The sight of the money seems to rouse him, and he sets about packing the rifle its case and depositing it, and some ammunition, in an old duffle bag. He hands Laszlo the bag, and I stride past a small collection of Warhol prints on the wall, towards the door.
Moment later, we are back in our rented Octavia, heading out of Prague with a high-powered sniper rifle resting on the back seat. I smile over at Laszlo.
"Well, that went fairly well didn't it? We even managed to stay under budget."
"You don't think you were a little... forceful?"
"Hey, he started it. Silly pup should've known better than to try working me over."
"I guess."
"You guess?" I snort. "You should be thanking me for the money I saved you. After all, I know how hard it was for you to earn." A grin springs forth from underneath his moustache.
"It was very difficult" he replied "You have no idea how many times those mortals had better cards than I did." (Upon arriving in the suburbs, we soon learned how effective the vampiric mind was in a poker game against mortals, and may have somewhat abused our natural advantage.)
Lazslo glances at a sign beside the darkening road. "We will be there in about two hours, I should think." He announces, as we near the outskirts of Prague. "Are we stopping for hitchhikers?"
"Lets. I could do with something to eat."
User Reviews
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2005-03-28 23:11:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Laszlo should have just challenged every person in the general area to a staring contest for 20 bucks a pop. God I love this series
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-17 08:06:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-16 20:04:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU'RE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!
YAY!
Now... I've been patient.
Sit.
Write.
Until your fingers are bleeding.
Then bandage them and type more.
Now now now now now...
Please?
It's like heroin.
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Awww, you poor little junkie! I shall endeavour to get at least one post done this week. Just for you guys!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-16 20:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU'RE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!
YAY!
Now... I've been patient.
Sit.
Write.
Until your fingers are bleeding.
Then bandage them and type more.
Now now now now now...
Please?
It's like heroin.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-01-16 19:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Im back also after a 3 week break and had to check if you had another installation in this series. You didnt disapoint mate fantastic read. not sure how to take you resigning and moving back to Aus but im sure you have your reasons. maybe we can have a beer together sometime dood.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-01-11 01:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, after a relaxing two weeks, I am back! I will try to get the last few bits of Unlife written in the next few days, but considering I am in the process of handing in my resignation and sorting my life out before I move back to Australia next month, I can't promise anything.
You have waited this long, another little while shouldn't kill any of you.
Thanks for the Uberboarding and general positivity of your comments too guys.
Submitted by Umbilical_Cord (user info) at 2005-01-10 20:12:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure undeniable awesomenety.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-10 18:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Missed this when it was posted.
Still up to your usual quality.
Roll on the next one.
-Dave
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-29 16:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2004-12-29 12:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, thanks to whoever put this on Uberboard. This series was a good read.
Submitted by the_mysterious_stranger (user info) at 2004-12-29 11:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And another one! Is this by any chance inspired by the computer game "Vampire: Bloodlines"? Ever since I've started playing that, I've developed an unhealthy fascination for vampiric fiction.
Submitted by the_mysterious_stranger (user info) at 2004-12-29 11:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves more reviews, dammit! Good job putting it on Uberboard, whoever it was that did that. Keep up the good work, this has been one of my favourite series on Uber as of late.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-12-29 00:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I'm too lazy to go back and read it all, but if I had I would've enjoyed it.
I think that makes sense... whatever, you're a good guy.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-12-28 16:21:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, its good. But to whoever put this on the Uberboard, series don't get read on Uber much. It's a fact of life. The authors know this going into writing one.
Better to change the small things and ditch the longer characterization (and keep the plots) in order to have more people read it, in my opinion.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-28 13:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 SOON! PLEASE!!! NOT NEXT MONTH DEAR LORD!!!
#2 You are a required read for me, and I will do what I cna to make you required read all over Uber...
#3 Um... No #3, really...
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-12-28 08:46:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hippy vampire? Awesome.
As always.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2004-12-28 06:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Silly 11300's.
The younger 11600's shall triumph.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-12-28 00:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, no prob, us 11300s have to stick together.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-27 23:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-12-27 23:10:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why isn't this getting more hits/reviews?
I'm appalled.
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3 reasons, at a guess.
1. It's the holidays
2. This is part 9 in a series, usually when you see 'Part 9' you will only tackle it if you have some time or have been following the series
3. I am merely a fringe writer here, and my name doesn't command viewing.
Still, I can draw comfort for your outrage. Thanks.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-12-27 23:10:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why isn't this getting more hits/reviews?
I'm appalled.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2004-12-27 19:32:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 just for hippie vampires.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-12-27 19:24:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What happens next?
Do Laszlo and Danika triumph over Chalmers?
Will they both live to see the end of the series?
Do I have a devilish plot twist up my sleeve?
Is there a cameo by Wesley Snipes?
These questions, and the exciting conclusion to Unlife in the Suburbs will have to wait! I am taking two weeks off, and probably won't have the next installment up until the middle of January!
Have a great New Year everyone, I know I will.