adult entertainment (1219 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.2 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <lodnem.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-03-07 17:35:12 EST
today is a special day here at work. we have one of our largest and most influential clients visiting from out of state, and it is my job to ensure that our client, who will be referred to from here on as 'dill', has a great time in los angeles.
my first thought was to take dill to a nice dinner, put some drinks and great food in his belly then hit a trendy club where dill could try all his middle america pick up lines on all of the middle america, relocated, rack job, dim witted, gold digging women of night.
i had just the place to take dill, and made reservations at an exclusive restaurant at their best table. while this puts the company out $400-$1000 depending on how much dill drinks, they are happy so long as he comes back with a smile on his face and inks a deal the company has been negotiating for months. yes sirs, i will do my job and do it well.
i burned the digits off my cell phone making calls to a handful of female aquaintences that i knew would be happy to hang out at the club after dinner to flirt with a filthy-rich business man. they were quite pleased that i thought of them and i think i heard a hairdryer go off before one of them hung up the phone.
while i had never met dill face to face i THOUGHT i had a good impression of who he was over the phone. it wasn't until an hour ago that i finally caught a glimpse of our hero and realized that dill is a 50 something, portly in pink gay male, and not the 30 year old executive that likes to spend his business trips in the company of loose women that i had envisioned.
about 20 minutes after meeting him i realized all plans were off. i fumbled with my cell phone telling my female friends not to bother, i cancelled the reservations for dinner and made a phone call i thought i'd never have to make.
you see dill made it perfectly clear what it was he wanted to do this evening, and unfortunately that will be seeking his entertainment at a gay go-go bar after having a massage from a young filipino boy who works in a bath house.
so here i am, dressed in my armani gear with hair perfectly coifed, shoes immaculately shined and white teeth beeming about to take dear dill out for a night on the town. i have just spoken to dill jr, his massuese, to make arrangements for his 'relaxation session that promises to relieve a heavy load'.
while i am no homophobe and find this somewhat amusing, i am looking down at my clothes and thinking, god damnit man, why couldn't i of worn my hooters t-shirt instead.....fuck, i'm dead!
User Reviews
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-03-10 18:41:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'relaxation session that promises to relieve a heavy load'.
Quite possibly the best line ever.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-03-08 20:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So what exactly *is* your job title lodnem? lol.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-03-07 19:59:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if this were written by anyone else, i would have to insist it's all a lie. only lodnem could be in this situation... haha.
Submitted by lodnem (user info) at 2003-03-07 19:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ha!
i regularly entertain our clients so it's nothing new, but one does have to wonder how much laughter is coming from the board room...oh well, 1 1/2 hours till dill's fantasies are fullfilled.
you know, life is short. at least it'll be another story to tell.
have a great weekend all!
Submitted by TheMan (user info) at 2003-03-07 19:18:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quite possibly the funniest damn thing I've ever read on this site.
Try to make the best of the situation. Turn yourself into "Lodnem, private corporate executive pimp-at-large." You obviously look the part, Armani and all. I myself would possibly kill for an Armani suit. Not that I have a real need for one, I just like the look and feel of high society. You can shuffle this guy around town, take him to all the swanky gay bath houses and massage parlors, and actually get others to pay you for your client to sleep with them. Just don't let him know, or all bets are off.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2003-03-07 18:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
On the plus side at least you look pimp....too bad corporate sold you to "dill" that evening. The real question remains, did the people that asked you to perform this task know in advance of what they were getting you into and if so do you think they asked you because you might "like" dill and have a gay ole time with him OR was it some queer kind of retribution or payback for a fuck up they could attribute to you? Or it could just be they are sadisitic bastards like myself who wanted to see you squirm.
-Turtle