What’s so comfortable about Southern Comfort? (1083 hits)
Category: Politics -> AfghanistanRating: 1.12 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2005-01-01 18:12:09 EST
Last night, I decided to go over to my good buddy Ricky's house to hang out with him and Sarah, his girlfriend. After all the trivialities (a ride there) were taken care of, we settled down on his couch with a bottle of southern comfort and a case of Coke. That's Coca Cola, not cocaine. We had a great time watching the new Final Fantasy movie and getting woozy.
Now, last time I was there, we went for a walk and ended up stealing the "Audiobahn" banner from the auto parts store down the road from his house. It's hanging on his wall. I wanted one, too. So we grabbed a lighter and a steak knife (to cut/burn the zip ties off) and left. About ten minutes into the fifteen minute walk to the store, a black Mustang flied past us with the occupants screaming obscenities and such. We ignored them and continued walking. Several minutes later, the Mustang returned with another car following.
They stopped in the road and the driver of the mustang, a tall lanky kid, yells out the window "Were you talking shit?" We replied that no, we had not been 'talking shit.' The two cars pull off the road into the church parking lot, and we backed up to the cemetery wall. The people in the front seats of the cars got out and walked up to us. I surveyed the area, and saw that there were three more people in each of the cars, and that all of the people present (except us, of course) had baseball bats.
We continued the little shindig for a few more minutes, when the rest of the guys stepped out of the car. Ricky recognized one of them and they all apologized profusely like the bitches they were.
**Note: We were heavily outnumbered. Ten people showed up in two cars to face the three of us, one of which is a tiny girl. So basically, it would have been ten against two.**
They gave us a lift to the store, where I quickly cut the ties and stuffed the banner into the car, where Sarah rolled it up. As if theft wasn't enough for the night, I decided that it would be clever to tip the vending machine, which was standing next to the door, over in front of the door. That way, the employees would have to pick the machine up in order to get inside the store. I pulled my sleeves over my hands and, with the assistance of Ricky and the fat kid, pushed the machine over.
We left.
We went back to the guys' house and drank a shit ton more. I had several shots of Vodka and Southern Comfort, along with several beers.
I am told that Sarah had to drag me out to the car because everyone else was too drunk to do it. I don't remember. All I DO remember is when she fell on me and here boobs fell out. Yay. Oh, yeah, and I remember trying to turn the PlayStation 2 on and saying "Whhhyyyy wonnnt thishh thinnngggg wooorrrkkkk?" As it turns out, it was an R/C car that I was trying to turn on.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Apparently, Ricky ended up having a small fight with the driver of the Mustang when the guy called him a pussy for not drinking anymore.
This morning, I woke up around 9. I walked into the living room where I found Ricky. I asked him if he knew where my shoes were. We searched for a while and decided that I must have left them at the other house. So I called my dad to let him know that I'd be home around noon, and the world was well again.
Except for the fucking hangover.
I have NEVER had a hangover before. I have never thrown up whilst drinking before, either, and I did that last night. This was the most insanely painful fucking headache that I have ever had. When paired with spicy vomit and a searing pain in my stomach, it hurt. Badly.
At around 10:00 my dad calls back and lets me know that I need to get home on the double. His work partner got arrested for hitting his wife (and they're both like parents to me.) He needed help installing vinyl. Ricky tells me that he'll need gas to get me home, and I oblige by pulling several handfuls of change from my pockets.
But, of course, the story can't end there. We couldn't find his keys, so he called his mom and she tells him that she took them with her to New Jersey for the weekend. Greeeaaaat.
We walk to the guy's house (me without any shoes) on wet roads. It's a five minute walk, and when I got there my shoes were in the bathroom. Cool.
The story ends here because the rest of today just sucked. It was completely horrible.
I wish I remembered the 8 hours of last night that I was blacked out.
Happy New Years.
-----
On a completely unrelated note, here is a picture of a dancer from my school.
I'd do her... in the pooper.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-03-04 17:05:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For the alter -2 I didn't notice until just now, jerky.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-01-05 02:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Underage drinking, fights, stupidity and theft... great morals, kid. You are right. You are better than me by a longshot.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2005-01-04 00:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice post Tim.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-01-03 19:33:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-01-03 19:31:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you fucking choke on your mouse tonight.
-----------------------------------------------
blow me
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Tidalfae the magic bartender says:
Southern Comfort is the alcohol most likely to fuck you up the next day. It looks like a whiskey, is advertised like a whiskey, but is actually a liqueur.
Liqueur = more sugar than alcohols like vodka or whiskey.
Sugar = the cause of those nasty hangovers.
SoCo = WORST HANGOVERS EVER.
On a side note, I found out this weekend that champagne for some reason doesn't give me a hangover, even though it is supposed to. Go figure.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-02 15:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God, SoCo brings back memories that I thought were washed away by years of drugs. Wow look at that, I wore a dress on the stuff.
....
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-02 15:05:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2005-01-01 18:51:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Tim, it's ok, we all understand.
You don't want to DO that girl.
You want to BE that girl.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-01-02 00:16:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What's misleading about the title?
And why would I make a post about the fucking Red Sox?
Fuck the Sox.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-02 00:06:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and by -1 i mean zero
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-01-02 00:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
didn't mention the redsox.
-1 for a misleading title.
Submitted by MouRNIngLoRY (user info) at 2005-01-01 21:13:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Southern Comfort. It startd off with Alabama Slammers and then I just minused all the bitch parts. Our love grew deeper.
So I drank nothing but that and strawberry flavored screwdrivers last night. Better than the original!!!
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-01-01 20:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's the exact same thing my dad told me.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-01 20:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SoCo is the devil. I had a bad experience with it, and I refuse to touch it.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-01-01 20:01:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd do her anywhere she'd let me.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-01-01 19:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GO YOU WOO!!!
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-01-01 19:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SC killed Janis Joplin. You know it's deadly.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2005-01-01 18:51:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tim, it's ok, we all understand.
You don't want to DO that girl.
You want to BE that girl.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-01 18:47:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My guess?
You both agreed that PFF was a tuber...
I like lasagna.
Happy New Year.
My mind is on a hung-over vacation.
This is a standard reply, and it will not change today, unless Chris Evans decides to be a cock-pillow again.
I love/hate/respect/despise you all.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-01-01 18:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What was our agreement
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-01-01 18:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ay, PFF, she knows I posted it.
Aren't you kind of breeching our agreement?
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-01-01 18:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sure she appreciates this
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-01-01 18:28:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice, tim. niiiice.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2005-01-01 18:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah she'd be great for a quick one two round the back.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2005-01-01 18:13:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ow. That looks painful.