"You want to put your hand WHERE?": A Story of Puppet Love (1154 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:fiction
Rating: 1.81 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-01-02 08:24:46 EST
"And we hope that you can stay to play!
If you want to, we can play all day!
And you never know what crazy things we're gonna saaaayyyy
Stay and play with the Rainbow Gang!"
All over the country, kids in the favored demograhic of three to seven years sat with their sugar laden cereals and ignored their mothers' bellowed instructions to "Get ready for school, dammit!". The Rainbow Gang was on and everything else could go hang. Zany and fast and loud, it showcased the week's top chart hits, the latest in Japanese cartoons, and two puppets named Zelda and Zach.
Not one of the kids watching, not one of mothers rolling their eyes in exasperation, not even the show's producers, knew the heartache and unfulfilled lust that raged beneath the velvet skin and humorously large eyes of Zelda and Zach. Or - to be perfectly, crudely accurate - beneath the hand-stuffed posteriors of Zelda and Zach, in the forms of the unseen puppeteers Deborah and Trevor.
For the three long years that the show had been in production, Deborah and Travor had huddled under this desk for three hours a day. Pressed together, they manipulated Zelda and Zach into the hearts and minds of every child in the country. The witty repartee of the puppet co-hosts, their obvious affection for one another, and the hugs and touches and jokes were not the carefully planned act the producers assumed them to be.
Every year, the wages got higher. The producers were desperate to keep Trevor and Deborah on. Where else would they find two people to bring the puppets to such warm and dazzling life? They were the best in the business, or so it was said.
And here is the secret at the heart of the show's success. Trevor and Deborah were both mediocre puppeteers at best. They were bad actors, and neither cared a whit about current music.
But as they huddled under the desk, with their wedding ring hands stuffed up the puppets' rear ends, and looked away from each other in shame at the depth of their emotions, one thing - and one thing only - made the show come alive.
Deborah and Trevor were hopelessly, helplessly, utterly, besottedly in love with each other.
Deborah and Trevor were both very married, NOT to each other.
And apart from the puppet interactions, Deborah and Trevor were too shy to speak to one another.
During the taping of the Christmas show, there was little to suggest that this would be Zach and Zelda's last holiday special. The show went well, the gusts were witty and charming. Zach and Zelda were on top form. It would have taken a very twisted producer indeed to suspect that their big wobbly glass eyes were capable of directing glances filled with heated passion at each other.
But after the cameras quit rolling, Zach turned to Zelda, and took a deep puppet breath, and said quietly "Meet me in the janitor's closet, Zelda."
Zelda nodded. This was their secret routine. This was what made the hours of forced decency bearable. Once a week, they'd meet in the janitors closet and do the kind of things that would make Kermit go white and Miss Piggy pass out.
Once a week, for three years. One hundred and fifty six times, they'd met this way. Alone in the dark, puppet whimpers of "Oh God, Zach, right there" and "Yeah, Zelda, you hot little piece of fabric, stitched with nylon and decorated with large eyes and woolen hair, you."
When the security gaurds investigating a report of strange noises opened the janitors closet that day, they were faced with the sight of Zelda and Zach writhing in puppet passion; puppet arms doing unspeakable things to puppet hand holes, puppet faces pressed against each other in a frantic frenzy of felt.
One guard had the presence of mind to snap three pics of Zelda and Zach in this tawdry moment of puppet love, and they were published the next day in the newspapers.
The black and white pictures showed - with heartless clarity - Zelda and Zach wriggling in ecstasy, and Deborah and Trevor with their eyes closed, facing opposite walls, backs to the indiscreet amorous adventuring of their alter egos.
The rest of The Rainbow Gang's season was pulled off the air in response to the outraged howls of millions of parents. Most of the hate mail directed to the network tended to contain words like 'morals', 'indecency', and infidelity', but the truth was that the children were far more traumatized by the shock of seeing their beloved puppet friends being manipulated and violated by a pair of odd-looking strangers than they were by the more advanced concepts of infidelity and perversion
Deborah and Trevor, shamed and disgraced, were divorced by their respective spouses. In due time they married in a low key ceremony.
They kept the puppets. The honeymoon saw Zach lose an eye and Zelda's stuffing come out of a hole in her seams, but for the most part the marriage was a success.
In due time, advertisers calmed down enough to reconsider and the Rainbow Gang returned to the air . The forbidden puppet love of Zach and Zelda passed into network mythology, and some say that its memory contributed to the premature cancellation of the "Rory McNabb's Singing Sheep Variety Hour" after just three episodes.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-28 09:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-01-04 11:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to start writing again after you post something that sucks.
This is due to my New Years resolution to embrace me jealouse self centered whiny little inner child.
I need to quit drinking.
Submitted by Ed_0150 (user info) at 2005-01-03 01:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2005-01-03 01:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Specfuckingtacular.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-01-02 16:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anonymous sex is usually pretty good,
hiding behind euphemisms or polyester, either way.
Anonymous love is always pretty good,
we don't fucking know each other any ways in our most
intimate relationships, right?
Shakespeare's love affair with unrequited passion
is overated in the extreme and that aint no lie,
but tell me true,
which of my puppets do you love the most?
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-02 14:51:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
witty comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-02 14:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-02 08:35:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a sick sick individual.
I like it a lot.
-Dave
Pretty much what he said. Well, that, and BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Submitted by Adona (user info) at 2005-01-02 12:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-01-02 12:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, this was fucking hot baby!
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-02 12:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want you to put your hand wherever you want to, darling.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-02 12:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am almost speachless.
This wasn't rolling around in pain from laughing funny. It was better.
It was the "shake my head in disbelief and grin cause I can probably never do something like this" funny.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-01-02 12:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to take your breasts out on a date. They are the very essence of magnificent.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-01-02 11:21:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I know what that's like. I can't reach climax without a hand up my ass, either.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-02 11:07:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are so dirty, and naughty, and twisted.
*pounces*
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-02 09:20:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Where? In your pants.
Submitted by Spiritoso (user info) at 2005-01-02 08:47:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm waiting for episode 2 "puppet babies, a stitch in time"
good one
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-02 08:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a sick sick individual.
I like it a lot.
-Dave
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-01-02 08:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. I love what you did with it.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-02 08:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks to Coyote for the idea of frustrated puppeteers, and for being so delightfully thorough with his critique.