Shout, Shout, Let It All Out; These Are The Things I Can Do Without (2480 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.41 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ingsoc (View user info) at 2005-01-03 15:49:26 EST
People who flush the toilet after taking a whiz, but fail to clean their own piss from the toilet seat.
The fact that San Andreas, despite being larger and more refined than Vice City, fails in some places where Vice succeeded. San Andreas lacks character, which Vice had in spades. Some of the cars were way cooler in Vice- Stinger [removed], Infernus [reduced from Countach to NSX], and it had a better soundtrack.
Funnyjunk.com. Where comedy goes to die.
People who when using a fork, feel it is necessary to clamp down on it and pull it out of their mouth through gritted teeth, to ensure maximum eatage or something. The end result is the sound pulling a four foot broadsword from its hilt. This is the most impolite action in the world and must be stamped out by merciless beatings and gassings.
People who treat plastic spoons with the same regard and care as metal spoons. If they mean so much to you, why not just use the metal ones? It's cheaper and I'm less inclined to fuck around and break them when I'm bored.
People who have three aerosols of Mountain Breeze air freshener in their bathroom but no matches for those of us who know how to use them. They don't get it. They simply don't fucking get it.
People who turn down your invitation to watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off (who have never seen it) because the Dragonball Z marathon on YTV will be on in a couple of hours, and we all know that shitty animation beats Matthew Broderick's most endearing role any day.
People who monopolise the good TV in a house. Usually they're watching whatever is on the Comedy Network, not really caring what it is- or playing Jak 3 or some other non Gran Turismo/Grand Theft Auto videogame.
People who think not taking it in the ass makes you a pessimist. That is, wishing and working towards something better for yourself is a pointless and cynical practice. This of course is backed up with the illogic that people with goals are more disappointed when they do not reach their goals then people with no goals to begin with. These are the people who tell me not to complain when I come across an already opened can of soda in the fridge, or when all the good chocolates have been eaten (or when I look for the good ones and claim I'm picky). I'm not picky. I just know what I like and don't like. I don't Kraft Dinner, why does that piss you off so much?
Kraft Dinner. This is simply the lowest form of food on the planet. Some people, mainly idiots, will retort with "SHUT UP GOOD FOOD" or something equally inane. Let me explain to you why you are wrong. When was the last time you found yourself at the Keg eating a fine steak or other equally manly cut of meat and thought to yourself "THIS IS GOOD BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I'D RATHER BE EATING? KRAFT DINNER!" Fake cheese and fake pasta join forces in one package to feed those without taste.
Electro.
Knockoff Kraft Dinner. This stuff is cheaper than the real stuff because it's all the stuff which wasn't good enough to become normal Kraft Dinner. The same goes for most knockoff products. No matter how little money you put into a product, sometimes it just can't beat the original (Pringles, Oreos, Aunt Jemima syrup) in terms of taste. You're paying more for the knockoff in the long run because it takes more crappy food to satisfy or disenfranchise you. I don't want to eat crappy chips or use crappy syrup if it's going to make me want to kill anything with its infinite crappiness.
Ketchup jockeys. "HEY THIS FOOD IS POTATO BASED THEREFORE IT NEEDS KETCHUP TO BE GOOD" 'Potato', apparently, can be substituted for 'chicken' or 'wheat' or 'anything' and the same would hold true for a lot of people because they suck. Seeing ketchup on your scrambled eggs, baked potatoes, Kraft Dinner, or anything that doesn't involve BEEF or FRENCH FRIES is a recipe for me stabbing you in the neck with the fork you scrape against your teeth.
Salad Fingers. If you know what this is and you are not disgusted, SHAME. SHAME NOW. SHAME ON YOU. Be killed. Now, please. "AWW BUT ITS SO CUTE" Really. I was under the mistaken impression that the definition of 'cute' was not 'horribly freakish and disgusting".
People who think the Lamborghini Diablo is better than the Lamborghini Countach in any remote way. Shame on you deadheads. You know nothing of the automobile and should be trampled by gorillas.
Men, with the exception of homosexuals, who know admit to knowing nothing of the automobile and ask me stupid questions- after explaining the meaning of 'V' and '6' in 'V6' I get slammed with the gem, "IS THERE A V8 ENGINE?" I told him there wasn't. I'm such an asshole.
I'm out.
The Ferrari F40 had a V8. What a fine piece of automotive ass. Oh, and a Ferrari in any colour other than red? Way to ruin a car's character, ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 for the song and group indicated by the title.
+4 because I'm retarded.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-02-20 12:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES i'l go for the Ferrari.no 1. and the horrible plastic fork thing, got to agree with that .and the addict's to ketchup,they really turn my guts.
Submitted by entropy (user info) at 2005-02-16 00:59:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Im diggin' the Ferrari.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-02-16 00:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit I just realised where your name is from.
I can't believe I didn't realise that before.
Have a +2 on your last post.
Submitted by will72 (user info) at 2005-01-08 21:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i didnt read the post, but i just reliezed (sp) what your name means. (im reading 1984)
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-01-04 06:30:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with everything there. Except...
Well....
I, uhm...
I really, really like Salad Fingers. Please don't hate me. I had a strange and disturbing childhood and now I have strange and disturbing children and I swear this is not my fault...
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-01-04 05:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To add to my below comments and to further my own point about reviewing:
People who mention horrid things like Salad Fingers, thus leaving those like me to inquire as to what the fuck it is, therefore looking it up only to find that the asshole who said it was disgusting and fucked, was right; leaving me in too much of a "what the fuck was that" for words mindset, despite saying quite a bit on the subject.
Someone please stop me. Just some beautiful woman come up to me, tell me that I am great, kiss me, and then shoot me in the face. I won't resist I promise
Banga
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-01-04 04:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I'm in an increasingly iritated nad pissed mood. To add to this:
People who don't think Blues Traveler's Four was one of the best albums of the 90's
People who don't remember anything musically after Nirvana and before Creed.
People who park their overpriced SUVs in the good parking spot every day just so they can look at it from every window possible.
People who think and tell me that I have a drinking problem
People who work 3 jobs, go home, get drunk, get angrier at every passing second, and review every post on the main page with inane drunken gruel, thinking that he is funny.
People who think the latter is acceptable because he never gives less than a +2 so he won't drunken fuck up the rating on a good post.
People who put their names at the end of every review so others will notice them, not relizing that no one gives a shit, there are thousands of uberers, a couple hundred are good, and about 100 are great; no one will think his ideas are as great as he does.
Assholes who ramble on stupidly, drunkenly, and depressingly on others' posts.
Banga
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-01-04 03:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So much anger...
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-01-04 01:03:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'to ensure maximum eatage or something' was the best line.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-01-04 00:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2005-01-03 18:37:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loren1: Being as self-absorbed as myself lends itself to all kinds of hypocrisies. We're only scratching the surface. It's alright to like ketchup- mustard's better, though. But some people REALLY REALLY LIKE KETCHUP and force their ways on me. In no way, shape, or form is it socially acceptable to put ketchup on Kraft Dinner knockoff and when I tell them how gross that looks/smells, "SHUT UP GOOD FOOD" is the rebuttal.
TonyMontana: You are indeed correct. Truer words have never been spoken, except by me. I'm quite fond of that column (surprise). Nearly all of these have stemmed from the time I've been spending here at a relative's house with a few other family members, one of which is the source of all the 'habits' listed.
LadyPlural: Electro's just a douche- he posts total crap. If you actually saw how devoid of humour/plot/interest his animations were, you'd be outraged. His only positive ratings stem from his perpetual ass-kissing and negative portrayal of assholes (see: people who rate his work according to quality [or lack thereof]).
bob: Nice. The only time I've actually seen a Ferrari on the street was a red Testarossa belonging to a former resident of where I'm staying now. It was pretty boss.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2005-01-03 18:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like to add one to the list:
People who are completely convinced that Grand Theft Auto and Gran Turismo are the best games ever made. This is the single most common mistake for all people who "play video-games." Face it, carbon copying your own fucking game four times in a row does not make it the greatest game of all time. It makes it a carbon copy of the best game of several years ago... only with new models for the cars and 'bloom' effect to make you think the graphics are better.
Submitted by Spiritoso (user info) at 2005-01-03 17:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Only because I hate advertisement on my clothes!
I'm fucking paying for it to wear not for me to advertise it!
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-01-03 17:38:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, and yellow Ferraris are sweet.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-01-03 17:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
People are stupid and they suck.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It tickles me the examples of hypocrisy here.
--You enjoy your soda and chocolate, but: "Kraft Dinner. This is simply the lowest form of food on the planet."
--You "simply know what you like and don't like" but people who like ketchup should be executed for some reason.
Cute stuff. By the way, you ought to lay off the cocaine.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this is just an unfunny, lame, bastardized version of "Things That Need to Be Destroyed" on NegativePositive.org.
http://www.negativepositive.org/Things-that-need-to-die.html
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:36:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:20:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Men, with the exception of homosexuals, who know admit to knowing nothing of the automobile and ask me stupid questions"
I convinced my friend his 'flux capacitor' was broken. He has me check it anually for him.
--------------------------------------
For a second there, I thought you said "anally".
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Men, with the exception of homosexuals, who know admit to knowing nothing of the automobile and ask me stupid questions"
I convinced my friend his 'flux capacitor' was broken. He has me check it anually for him.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't know too much about cars. so i'll take it to a mechanic. don't hate me for that.
+ 2 for the maximum eatage. that is friggin' high-larious!
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:11:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:07:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-1 for dissing Kraft Dinners. I actually used to eat Kraft Deluxe Macaroni with steak, and it was fantastical.
+3 for knowing that Salad Fingers is quite possibly the worst flash to ever become popular and that only morons think it's funny.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was an entertaining rant, so I shall give it a +2.
That said, is there a reason that you loathe Electro with such a burning passion? And although the 'salad fingers' reference went about three feet over my head, I gather that it it not anything that I want to see anytime soon. Would somebody explain (in WORDS, for the love of gawd) what the hell you are talking about?
Submitted by Jarvis (user info) at 2005-01-03 16:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Salad Fingers was the most disturbing thing I have ever watched.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im a ketchup jockey.
besides that...all good.
oh yea, a family friend of ours lives in West Virginia and owns a F40.
Holy shit. It was the scariest and most intoxicating ride ever.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Because I broke up with a girl because she did the fork thing
Never in my life have I been so close to stabbing such a pretty young woman.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:58:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You almost lost points for your baseless claims against Kraft Dinner. <SHUT UP GOOD FOOD!>
But you recovered nicely with the Diablo/Countach disparity.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:52:32 (#)
Ranking: -1
the Murcielago rules them all
-------------------------------------------
this man should be castrated by the lambroghini gods.
Submitted by Heather (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"People who treat plastic spoons with the same regard and care as metal spoons. If they mean so much to you, why not just use the metal ones? It's cheaper and I'm less inclined to fuck around and break them when I'm bored. "
My mother in law puts plastic spoons in the dishwasher. Every time I see this I throw them away.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:55:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you sir, are one fucked up individual.
Good luck with that....I just wish I understood this.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:53:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree with most of these.
I hate when people clamp down on metal forks. The noise makes my teeth feel funny.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:53:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Almost got a +1 because you knocked Jak 3.
I do hate when people hijack the good TV, though.
Ratchet & Clank 2 is nowhere near the awesomeness of KillZone, fuckers.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't even halfway know what you're talking about, except for the fork/teeth scraping thing. +2 for that.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There goes my Love Rocket Red!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-03 15:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
the Murcielago rules them all