Getting stranded in San Francisco on New Year's Eve (1033 hits)
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Submitted by VodkaFace (View user info) at 2005-01-03 20:21:56 EST
"How was your New Years?"
I have been asked this question no less than 200 times since I returned to work today after a four day weekend. By the end of the day, it was roughly the equivalant of getting a colonoscopy and having the doctor peek around your asscheeks every time he moved the probe and asking "Remind you of your time in prison?"
Not that it's really any of my co-workers' faults, they could never imagine what my New Years was like. Not that they ever will either, telling my co-workers what happened would be like telling the doctor your cellmate's name was Robert the Destroyer. I'm still languishing in the surreal fucked-upness that was New Year's 2005, but since I don't have a shrink to call my own, I suppose it will be only slightly less traumatic than telling my co-workers to recount the experience here on Uber.
My year-long girlfriend Michelle and I had been planning for weeks to ring in the new year up in San Francisco. We had even compiled a list of all the clubs, bars and nightspots we would try to hit on the final night. Needless to say, on Wednesday afternoon, I was like a rabbit hopped up on Viagra. I had an absolute *boner* for New Years. Michelle was going to drive her car and I would ride along. No Chris, no Jeff, just Michelle and me in San Fran, partying for 4 full days. The drive up was fairly standard, I didn't have to pull off the side of the road to poop, so I figured I was ahead of the game. Talk was small as Michelle and I mostly listened to music.
We arrived just before dusk on Wednesday night and checked into the little Motel 6 in Oakland.
"You wanna go out tonight? Get the party started?" I asked, dancing around the room. Leave me alone, I was happy.
"No. I'm tired from the drive, let's go party tomorrow." Michelle said.
Now, in retrospect, I've learned a great deal from this trip. First, when a girl doesn't want to go out and spend money, there is something wrong. Unfortunately I didn't key into this until it was too late.
The next day, Michelle and I went out and drove around, taking pictures and basically casing the joint. Thursday came and went without so much as a beer in a dive bar. Once the sun began to set, Michelle started to complain of being tired, even though we had both slept in until noon. We returned to the Motel 6 and went to bed after having a short "discussion" on why we had come to San Fran in the first place. Bad mojo, bad mojo, bad mojo. Why I didn't see it coming, I can only guess. I suppose it was because I was so determined to have a good time. I must have looked like Clark Griswold in the National Lampoon's Vacation series.
Friday: The big day. The 365th day of the year 2004. America's official party day. Applesauce.
Since I had gone to bed fairly early the previous night, I woke before 9:00 and decided to see if I could score some weed. I left the Motel 6 and crossed the Bay Bridge, headed for North Beach. A friend of mine had told me this was an okay place to score, and if that didn't work out, I could always try Golden Gate Park. I finally scored a couple of dimebags and headed back to the motel in Oakland. Michelle was up, and pissed at what looked to be everything, particularly me.
"What the fuck? You're just gonna leave and not tell me where the fuck you're going?"
"I scored some mellow baby, I thought it would help us get in the partying spirit." I held out the ziplock bags full of green sweetness. The little tiny bags they don't sell in supermarkets. By this time it was about 11:30 and I was eager to get downtown before crowds made parking and moving around impossible. "You want to smoke?" This is where it got painful. the situation escalated and I'll spare you the gruesome details, but needless to say, I made some rather harsh remarks about her father's habit of wafting his farts in my direction whenever he could and Michelle made some remarks about how I did the same things to her when we were laying in bed and well, soon we were both screaming. Why we didn't just toke up and chill out was beyond me. I just wanted to be there when the ball dropped. Unfortunately, I was there when the bomb dropped.
"You remember when you asked me if I had any New Year's resolutions?" Michelle asked. I did remember. I had asked her in an attempt to work in *my* New Year's resolution of finally getting some anal sex. "Well, I have one."
I nodded, hoping the conversation was taking a turn for the better. It wasn't.
"My New Year's resolution is to not spend another twelve months with you."
What. The. Fuck.
Michelle grabbed her shit and walked out. Now, I can think of worse places to be stranded somewhere during New Year's, but all the same, I was pretty much devastated. I grabbed my wallet and walked down to the local liquor store. I no longer felt like partying. I no longer felt like mellowing out, I no longer felt like going back to work on Monday and telling all of my shitty co-workers what a great time I had. I felt like buying cheap booze, getting destroyed, and puking all over the hotel room.
Funny how things never turn out how we plan them eh?
I arrived at the liquor store and cursed, the lights were off and the sign on the door said that the store had closed at one on account of New Year's. I stamped and turned around, ready to go back to the motel room and watch porno. As I started off back in the direction I had come, I heard a tone behind me and a female voice called.
"Hey, did you need something? I got two minutes." I turned and saw a very pretty girl, slightly on the cubby side, but with the biggest breasts I had ever seen. Her dark hair was tied up and the flower print blouse she wore made me want to sniff tulips for some reason. I told her I was just trying to get a case for a quiet night. She held the door open and I entered the store. As I crossed the threshold, she locked the doors behind me, locking me in. I threw a quizzical glance her way and she told me it was so no more customers would come in while she was closing down. I smiled and went to the coolers to get my beer. As I approaced the counter, the girl looked at me.
"Why so glum? It's a time for celebration!" I don't exactly know why, but I told her all about what had happened. I suppose it was just so I could vent. I held up the case and told her I *was* going to celebrate.
"Alone?" she asked me.
"Yup" I said, not sensing the mood had changed slightly. The girl, whose name I would find out was Tara, leaned across the counter.
"You want to hang around and share that?"
Wait, What?
I froze, looking around to see if someone was going to pop out and slit my throat. No one did. My mind was racing, trying to think of all the possible responses I could give. My penis helped. It came to full attention before I could even think, and the next words out of my mouth were his.
"Fuck yeah."
Tara and I polished off the first case quickly, sitting on the floor behind the counter and suddenly I remembered what I had in my pocket.
"You party?" I asked her, pulling one of the baggies out for her to see. She nodded and reached up, grabbing a bic lighter out of the little plastic stand on the countertop. We got stoned, talked for hours, and cracked into a cheap bottle of Korbel champange around 11:45 PM. I looked up at the clock. Had I been hanging around in some little liquor store for *nine hours*? Tara took a swig out of the champange bottle and handed it to me. I took it and nearly spit bubbly all over myself as she pulled her top off.
"What your girlfriend did to you was awful, I had an ex do something just like that to me on my birthday one time. You want to help each other forget about them?" My boner, which had been laying dormant and dissapointed for quite some time, suddenly tried to make a break for Tara's breasts. I could feel it straining against my slacks. I nodded and Tara climbed on top of me.
(Bom-chica-wa-wah)
The next morning, I woke up to some guy looking down at me and looking *extremely* angry. I glanced around and saw all the emty beer bottles and torn condom packets on the tile floor.
Shit.
The guy, who happened to be the owner, wanted to file charges, but told me since he would be firing Tara anyways, coupled with the fact that I had actually set money aside for all the booze and snacks that we had consumed, he would let me go provided I would never step foot in his store again. I agreed and Tara drove me back to the Motel 6 where I checked out. Tara was exceedingly nice and offered to drive me all the way back to Central California. I accepted, seeing as how she no longer had a job eating into her free time and paid for her gas and food. When she finally saw me to my door on Sunday afternoon, she slipped me a piece of paper.
I walked up to my apartment and called Jeff and Chris over. I needed someone to talk to. I told them to bring a case each.
I still haven't talked to Michelle, but now I look forward to it.
I also look forward to next year, because next year, I know a place in San Francisco where I can stay for New Year's.
User Reviews
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-01-22 00:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please send me a picture of this big titted girl. I must see these bosoms!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-01-04 15:29:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
san fransisco after dark? night night! keep your butthole tight!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-04 12:55:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
VodkaFace rules!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-04 12:34:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2005-01-04 00:03:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still waiting for that post of yours I don't have to +2.... oh, it will come. It will come.
Kickass story. Looking at your statistics so far makes me loath and admire you. Keep writing, the fan base is growing.
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2005-01-04 10:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tough break with the bitch bromeo, story was tight.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-04 10:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope that this work is non fiction.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-01-04 08:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice save.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-01-04 06:26:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A credit to men worldwide.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-01-04 05:04:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because i had a kick-ass new years in san fran
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-04 04:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-03 21:47:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man. That's at once horrible and unspeakably kickass.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-01-04 03:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've done the "strand someone in a far away place" trick myself. They had it coming.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-01-04 03:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Calios (user info) at 2005-01-04 02:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if the glass is half full sometimes you have to just roll with it.
good job!!
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-01-04 02:08:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-04 00:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome story. Why the hell did she break up with you on New Years Day in the middle of a weekend of planned togetherness? She should have done it before, or after. Dumbass.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2005-01-04 00:03:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still waiting for that post of yours I don't have to +2.... oh, it will come. It will come.
Kickass story. Looking at your statistics so far makes me loath and admire you. Keep writing, the fan base is growing.
Submitted by VodkaFace (user info) at 2005-01-03 22:50:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the tip Joemama, I'll remember that next time I head your way.
Submitted by Joemama (user info) at 2005-01-03 22:45:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story.....but dude...the drive?
Either one of those overpasses {east),
especially the one to the right for 2
blocks, then anywhere south would have
put you in the "motherload" for smoke.
Since I "know" the area, at least you
were lucky enough to go south and hang
a right for the rest! Happy New Year Man!
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-01-03 22:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-1 for "You party?"
+3 for (Bom-chica-wa-wah)
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-01-03 22:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yes.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-03 21:47:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man. That's at once horrible and unspeakably kickass.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-01-03 21:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, if its true, what a great story. Congrats and happy New Year dude.
Submitted by ChannelDunlap (user info) at 2005-01-03 21:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have given me hope. After all these years. I thank you.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-01-03 21:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, EVERYBODY in SF knows about Tara.
You want to get to a clinic and get checked.
Now.
Submitted by VodkaFace (user info) at 2005-01-03 21:07:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
True as true can get, if I didn't throw it away, I'll put up a scan of the liquor store receipt in a later post.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-01-03 20:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic. I really hope this is true because it's a great story and a good way to start out the new year!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-01-03 20:41:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a brilliant story, you fucker. Remember; women always premeditate a breakup, and if you use your brain, you can pick up on it. Better luck next time - get one YOU control, not one who controls YOU. They're out there, believe me!