Nightmares (1347 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.83 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stin (View user info) at 2005-01-04 16:47:08 EST
[Close the door, climb into bed. Pull the covers up to your chin, turn the lights out. Listen to the rain against the window and the wind howling through the trees.]
I can smell the first traces of smoke drifting in through my open door.
"I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again."
A young girl, only eight or so. I recognise her, she looks kinda like me.
[Shut your eyes, wait for the heaviness to descend and your brain to go fuzzy. Feel the slight trembling as your muscles relax and your body sinks into the mattress.]
Visibility is diminishing. I can no longer see from my bedroom door to the hall below.
A man is shouting. His words are unclear but his meaning is not. He advances on her and she backs away in fear, tripping and stumbling in her haste.
"I just want to feel deep in my own world,
But I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore."
With pigtails in my hair and shiny shoes on my feet, I approach the school with trepidation. I glance nervously around.
He pushes her, and she falls to the floor. Her screams ring through the house as he starts to beat her, and she curls her body to protect herself.
[Turn sharply in your sleep as your pulse quickens and your breath comes more quickly.]
On pushing the school gate, I hear that voice. The voice I fear beyond all others. I hate its cruel, mocking tone and the harsh laughter which follows.
"On a different day, if I was safe in my own skin,
Then I wouldn't feel so lost and so frightened"
I can see the flames now. They're beginning to lick at the banister rail. It won't be long before they consume the staircase. The path to the door sizzles and vanishes before my eyes.
[Clutch your pillow closer to you, as if somehow it will be a defence against the onslaught.]
He slings her on the bed, ripping her clothes from her body as she fights to stop his weight pinning her to the bed. He pays no heed to her protests and unbuckles his belt.
I feel a hand on my shoulder. As I try to spin around, someone takes hold of my arm and drags me away, towards the sanitation block.
"But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin.
And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore."
The lower staircase buckles, the individual stairs no longer distinguishable through the smoke and flame.
[Your body starts to quiver. You curl yourself into a ball, waiting for the physical pain to begin, match the madness unfolding in your head.]
I hear myself call out as they grab my hair, forcing my head into the toilet bowl. I close my mouth abruptly as it is filled with water that tastes of putrid, stale urine.
The flames have reached the top of the stairs now. The only way out is through the window.
Her screaming stops as her body shuts down. All she can do is to block the pain of him inside her. She has no power to resist his force and sheer determination.
[You shiver and your teeth chatter as the cold sweat envelops your body. You know you must have called out, because you always do. But who is listening to your pleas for help? Can anyone even hear you?]
The wheelbrace I removed from the car just won't break the panes of glass that stand between me and fresh air. I cough and splutter as the dense clouds surround me.
I get a brief respite as the cistern refills. They take advantage of this time to bind my hands with the duct tape stolen from the caretakers cupboard. At least I can feel the air filling my lungs...
"I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again."
[And if they can hear you, why don't they help? Can't they see the chaos that's going on? You pull the covers tighter and pray for death to remove you from this.]
When he has finished, he pushes her from the room and throws her limp body from the top of the stairs. She falls like a ragdoll, loose-limbed and floppy, until the internal door at the top of the stairs breaks her fall. She plunges through the glass and remains motionless; a small bloody heap in the gloom.
Once the cistern has been emptied again, they simply leave. I cannot; they have tied my hands and knotted my shoelaces. There is no need for them to lock the door behind them, but they do so anyway. The tape across my mouth does not prevent me from breathing, but it leaves me unable to make a noise any louder than a dull murmur.
I feel the first flames licking at my clothes. Frantically pounding on the glass, there is no escape from the fire that rages behind me.
[You awake, sitting bolt upright with your hands clenched tight into balls. Your back is pressed to the wall, your knees are pressed against your chest and you are rocking forawrds and backwards. Your face is frozen into the terror mask which has become so familiar. You raise yourself from the bed, allowing your muscles to relax, and light a cigarette with a shaky hand.]
Welcome to my nightmares.
User Reviews
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-03-10 17:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty okay
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-03-10 17:40:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-03-04 02:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is horribly beautiful. I can't think of another way to describe it.
Banga
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-03-02 09:24:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story, I don't have nighmares any more:
I am walking barefoot in a industrial factory from hell, in the distance a scratch of razor metal versus pipe. It's Freddy.
After uttering a standard threat he ambles over and produces the only descent attack he can a right handed slash, stepping into it I elbow Fred in the throat grab his knife and convert it into an Aikedo wrist lock.
I punch his bent wrist breaking it, a quick kick into his knee sees him kneeling on the floor screaming. Delicatley I lift his jaw and cut his throat with his own knife hand, push him to the floor and jump on his back, several times.
I wake up happy that I have stood up for myself, I wouldn't have cared if I had died in the process.
Submitted by causeican (user info) at 2005-02-24 17:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU SUCK
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2005-01-13 23:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This does not kick ass. Let alone all ass.
But still.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-11 14:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My nightmares are becoming my flashbacks. I can't even get away from it in the daylight.
Man, I think I'm cracking up.
Submitted by magnus (user info) at 2005-01-10 19:44:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-09 07:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Imagery.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-01-08 19:12:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-07 19:11:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes. I do eat cheese in my sleep.
I'm normal, right?
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If thats normal Im normal, and if Im normal then the rest of the world is very strange indeed.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-01-08 03:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
it was alright
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-07 19:11:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes. I do eat cheese in my sleep.
I'm normal, right?
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-01-07 18:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:22:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Pentameter, I'm flattered.
If you think this is fucked up, try it with three more dreams interspersed at random in full glorious technicolour with sound effects to match, coupled with waking up in a room you didn't go to sleep in clutching a block of cheese from the fridge. That freaks you out even more.
After nearly two weeks straight of these nights, you tend to go slightly insane and posts like this are the result.
Cuckoo.
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You eat cheese in your sleep too?
-1for last line.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-01-06 04:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dream a little dream of me.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-01-05 18:21:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've read a fair bit of your stuff Stin, and I think this is one of my faves so far.
- I still wish that you'd write something that didn't make feel so shitty though, it's getting to the point where I have to pause and take a deep breath before clicking on your posts.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-05 11:42:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
....
Submitted by CJRipley (user info) at 2005-01-05 08:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-05 04:51:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Todays waking nightmare:
WORK.
Fuckers.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-01-05 04:28:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you were one of my drinking mates I'd tell you to run it off.
Blasé shrug offs aren't always appropriate though.
Personally I'd drink myself to sleep every night, which may be the underlying root of some of my issues. Maybe that's not a good recommendation.
They're playing the fucking Manics in the office at the moment, it's truly fucking awful.
Mocking MrWolf is always good?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-01-05 04:15:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2005-01-04 20:54:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stin, I'm your long lost twin.
Never mind that we look nothing alike and are from different continents. That's not important.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-01-04 20:47:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well written
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-01-04 19:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man...
And I thought those dreams that I was having where The Skipper from Gilligan's Island was chasing me with his hat were scary.
Submitted by TragicKingdom (user info) at 2005-01-04 19:19:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-04 19:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Snark, bits of both.
I have a period of about 8/9 years from the age of 5 upwards that my mind has repressed because the memories are too painful. As a consequence, they tend to come out in dreams. Because they're not pleasant dreams, I think of them as nightmares.
Other things are conscious memories which were traumatic and affect me deeply. I don't know if you read my post "Behind Closed Doors", but one of the threads weaving through this is the story (much abbreviated) of that night.
And other things are the good ol' random nightmares, stuff which has no meaning but shits you up anyway.
I tend to go through patches of nightmares. I think this one has been caused by somebody bringing back up a post which was very hurtful for me and it's triggered some kind of collapse in my mental compartmentalisation where it's been playing on my mind whilst I'm awake.
Hope that helps a little.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-01-04 19:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your writing is so powerful
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-04 19:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm confused too, so I am camping....
Snark has confused me...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-12-31 14:13:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
The next Necro will be up Monday...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:55:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm confused... which is nothing new I know.
Are these nightmares or are you re-living memories when you sleep?
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bad spell oops....
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:53:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Many apologies for the misinterprertation.......
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:49:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Booga booga?
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:47:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so glad I have good dreams.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GirlWithAClue, I'm not trying to achieve any kind of closure through this. Just get it out of my head where it's quite frankly driving me insane. You can't get closure on your dreams, only the events contained within them. And trust me, in dreams is as close as I want to get to them.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You write really well, but it scares me to think that this is probably real. I know that closure comes thru writing however. Keep writing and sharing the darkness, there is a light at the end o the tunnel.
That is all.............
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Pentameter, I'm flattered.
If you think this is fucked up, try it with three more dreams interspersed at random in full glorious technicolour with sound effects to match, coupled with waking up in a room you didn't go to sleep in clutching a block of cheese from the fridge. That freaks you out even more.
After nearly two weeks straight of these nights, you tend to go slightly insane and posts like this are the result.
Cuckoo.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-01-04 18:17:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One word...wow.
You're one of my favorite writers on this site.
Submitted by Technoboy (user info) at 2005-01-04 17:26:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, and I thought my brain was fucked up....
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-01-04 17:22:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PLUS
FUCKING
TWO
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-01-04 17:12:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not really sure what to say about this.
It provoked a reaction, but I am not sure "Kicker of all Ass" covers it.
Don't get me wrong, I really liked it, I just don't know why.
On a slight aside.
People are going to write this off with their usual "Emo" comments.
Fuck them all.
You write really well.
So keep it coming.
-Dave
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-01-04 17:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nerp.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-01-04 17:11:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The car rips past only inches from your body, making you skip backwards in fear while you struggle to catch your breath after running so long.
It sails over the embankment, crashing down to the concrete below.
The engine has barely choked and died when the driver's side door is ripped off its hinges and flung into the bushes, and a huge, hulking figure pries itself out of the wreckage, bellowing in rage.
You shrink back into the shadows as it advances on you, only to feel the cold concrete press against your back, trapping you.
You cringe as it produces a sledgehammer, held in one massive hand.
You wake up with a blinding headache, trying to shake off the last phantoms of the dream.
The roar of pure rage.
The sick weight of fear in your stomach
The wet explosion of your brain and blood under the hammer.
Welcome to -my- nightmares.
Submitted by houseman (user info) at 2005-01-04 17:05:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow that is very deep and it saddens me to think about the meaning of it. :(
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-01-04 17:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Pretty freaking unsettling.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-01-04 16:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really gripping. I didn't like the closing line. It was almost cheesy in relation to the rest of the post. It almost makes the post sound like fiction, and I am pretty sure it is not.
Anyhow, there is my useless take on the subject. I do enjoy your writing and this gave me that "ugh" feeling in my gut.
I'll go now.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-01-04 16:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It only seems long from the spaces.
Creepy, love. You and I need to sit and chat, I feel.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-01-04 16:49:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The song is "Honestly OK", by Dido.
Sorry, I should have put a <Warning: Longer than Stin Realised> in the title.